DD is almost 2. In the last couple of months she has gone from being my gorgeous happy girl to this screaming, unhappy mess of a child who cries contantly, throws herself on the floor crying if she doesn't get what she wants, and is generally driving me crazy. (disclaimer - I love her dearly, but dealing with this while pregnant and also having some problems with my pregnancy has not been easy).
I don't know what to do!! She has had some sickness lately (ear infections, conjunctivitis) but even when well she is like this. I feel like she's never happy. Ever. She just wants to watch tv all day (which started when I was on bed rest and really had no other options some days to get her to rest with me) but now she wants it all the time. So I am trying to be strong and say no and she just freaks out. She's also very attached to her sleep comforter and though we've always been strict with her only having it at bed, she will fall apart if not allowed to have it during the day. Again, I am trying to be strong and not give in, but it's very hard.
It is making me look forward to my 3 work days, which makes me hate myself. She is our little IVF miracle that we went through so much for, and I know I should savour every second with her, but at the moment I am pushed to the edge.
She is currently in her cot for some time out because she wouldn't stop screaming (for no apparent reason). She says she is tired, but I think that's a ploy to watch tv because normally we let her watch it around 430pm each day when she is tired so she can have some quiet time and Mummy can cook dinner. She sleeps through every night, 11-12 hrs. She has cut her day nap from 2 to 1 hr and that does seem to make her even more grumpy in the afternoons.
Can anyone enlighten me as to whether this is what 2 year olds do? I have no idea anymore. Please help!!!
I would suggest you find some really positive ways to connect with her without you exerting too mich energy. What about doing a puzzle together, or playing play dough or coloring in together. I would try those sticker books too. My dd loved doing those together at 2. Spend a few days trying not to watch tv (or only at the usual 4:30 time...I'd die wiout that!) and see how she goes.
My dd has always reacted strongly when I am stressed or otherwise distracted. Slowing down, spending more quality time together and really trying to be with her always helped the tough times pass.
It is developmentally normal for her to cry and throw herself in the floor too. I think I would avoid disciplining her for that, but of course if you're at your wits end, the cot is a great safe space for you both to take a breather (well I'm not sure you'd fit in the cot, but she can play in there while you have a cup of tea).
It tough being pg with a busy 2 yo, so go easy on yourself too. Maybe look at cutting back your work sooner too if you can afford/manage it.
Firstly Mrs P, I want you to remember that just cause she is your IVF miracle it doesnt mean you arent allowed to feel annoyed or frustrated with her. Yes, we fight harder to get our babies but we are human too and when little girls are 2 they can be very hard work! You aren't super human so dont beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. We have all been there
It sounds like she is testing the boundaries with you especially since recently thigs have changed (you havent been your usual self), as they all do at different phases. Kids of this age struggle with getting across what they want and all these emotions can confuse such underdeveloped brains. I know I often cant articulate what I feel, so imagine what it must be like when you dont even know the words that correspond with the emotion
Can she have her bed comforted through the day, but only at home? I found with DD when things like this happened and I didnt fight every battle they passed that much quicker. Although at the time I thought, 'argh, Im going to have a kid with a dummy and a screaming mess till she's 30!'.
We also found that warning her that this activity was coming to an end soon helped her a little. She knew that things were winding up, the tantrum still came but not as severe after a while. Perhaps you can ask her what she would like to do ie 'The tv is going off, would you like to do a puzzle or play with lego' kind of thing??
Honeslty, I find these are stages. I often used to be in tears telling DH that I had a miserable baby who if she could walk would pack her bags and move out turns out she just hit some pretty huge developmental leaps early and is now much more smiley. I guess, what I mean is you just never know whats going on in that little head
Last edited by Lily Dust; July 23rd, 2012 at 12:59 PM.
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I set the alarm on my phone for 5 minutes time. Then I tell DD "You can do *Insert whatever she is doing" for five more minutes, and when the alarm goes off it is time for *next activity". She seems to have LESS meltdowns this way
She also is very attached to the TV at the moment (Same thing, I let her watch way too much while I was sufferring from morning sickness). We have found that telling her she can watch the TV until it "turns itself off". I just pause the show or switch off the TV with the remote. Sounds weird, but I think she only cracks it if she thinks I turned it off? A little bit of a "you cant tell em what to do" thing?
Thanks girls for some great advice. I think having all day morning sickness and "man flu" is making things harder!
I'm trying to remember to be patient with her. The timer is a good idea. We tell her at night she has 5 mins til bed, but I haven't done that during the day with other things. Using an actual timer would be good too as then it's the timer, not me, that's ending whatever it is she is doing!!
My 2 year old was obsessed with the TV too especially over winter as there was no going outside in the rain. Anyway he would throw tantrums when it was turned off and switch it back on. The next morning before he woke I turned it onto the TV/AV button making the screen blue and when he turned it on told him oops it was broken! This worked he seemed to accept dad needed to fix it and after 4 days of this he no longer likes the TV and is happy with it on for quiet time in the afternoon.
I like the timer idea maybe buy a cute one and her big girl job could be to wind it up when it is nearly finish time and wait for the bell?
Sounds like a normal 2 year old pushing the buttons! Of course, it's made harder when you're pregnant.
They're not called the Terrible 2's or Terrible 3's for nothing! Our nearly 3 yr old can do a spectactular 'drop' to the floor and manages to position himself so as not to hurt his head At least when they're 3 you can reason a bit more with them.
While DS2 was unwell it became very easy for me to turn on Iggle Piggle ... he is now addicted to the telly. To the point that as soon as he wakes up he says "telly".
I think your daughter is completely normal.... well, if she isn't then my little man is also "not normal".
I think she's just two and (as has been said here) hitting developmental milestones. DS2 has had days on end of just being miserable then suddenly I get my happy little boy back. We all have "those" days so doesn't it seem perfectly normal that toddlers would too?
If it's a cruddy day out and we are at home I avoid the loungeroom (where the telly is). I let him drag out everything - hey, I can always put it away when he's gone to bed. When it's time for a rest (and I know I won't get a proper sleep out of him in his bed) I put a mattress on the floor and he watches Iggle Piggle (or Mary Poppins) and he's usually asleep within 20 minutes.
When the weather is nice I like to divide up his time with playing outside - the fresh air makes the daytime sleeps so much better!
I think we all watch too much tv in our house so I try to make more of an effort to do other things such as play boardgames and put some music on. If he's nagging about the telly I just deflect until I can't anymore. But...
Honestly - if I'm feeling like crap (which I was last week) then really, I mean really??? am I going to ruin a two year old by letting him watch telly until his eyes glaze over so I can get some much-needed rest on the couch?
And about the IVF miracle thing - pfft! - like someone else said: Just because our little bundles of joy were the result of IVF doesn't mean that we also can't get frustrated with them!
What alternatives are there to TV? I find our TV goes on if I have stuff I have to get done. BUT if I engage with the kids in some kind of game it leaves TV for dead.
Is the alternative to TV an activity with you (like making a snack or building a tower or reading a story)?
This might sound silly, but I have a very hungry 3yo in my house (which is weird because my older daughter has never been a particularly hungry kid - she can take or leave anything *except* treats, she's always keen for those ) sometimes I forget that she needs to eat every couple of hours at least. If she is hungry she can't say, "Mum, I'm hungry", she just gets really whiney and cranky. Just an idea!
It is soooooo hard when you're pregnant (and sick!) to be patient with little ones, hey. But it sounds like she's just needing lots of reassurance. I have found (most recently with my 5yo) that when I react with compassion and calmness I get a far less aggressive child than when I react with time-outs and raised voices. It's a massive learning curve for me as our reactions are often very reflexive and staying calm is such a difficult thing to do when you are tired.
What is wrong with my 2 year old?
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You aren't super human so dont beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. We have all been there 
At least when they're 3 you can reason a bit more with them.
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