Is the first birth inherently traumatic?

[Arcadia]

I have been thinking about this thread since I first had dd 3.5 years ago but I have always been tentative since I don't want to diminish those who experience trauma at the hands of care providers, or who experience complications and often with terrible outcomes. So please don't feel like I am minimising your experience, I'm just trying to unpack my own feelings about my first birth.

I had an amazing homebirth, which was unhindered, amazing, ecstatic and wonderful, and yet I found myself feeling like I had been in a car crash. I experienced flashbacks, difficulty recalling things, and it all seemed so raw and incomprehsible.

Fast forward to last year when I had ds, and I felt so calm, in control and really enjoyed the experience. I remember the whole thing, and didn't have the same sense of rawness.

So with the first birth, is it just the unknown, or the sheer amount of work the body has to do to stretch and then push? Does the brain just struggle to come to terms with the whole thing? I know I was high on endorphins etc, but after the labour I just wanted to 'know' everything and kept asking and asking what happened here and then?

This is probably a silly thread, but my friend just had her first baby and despite a great labour is feeling pretty traumatised by it, and I started thinking, maybe all first births are kind of traumatic. I suppose defining traumatic is important too, but if we take a dictionary definition, such as serious shock to the body, or an event causing emotional distress, it makes me think maybe I was slightly traumatised...?

[Jennifer13]

I gave birth for the first time with DD2 and it was hard work, but not at all traumatic. But do you count DD1's arrival by planned c/s, with no labour? Looking back on that I'm not satisfied with how it went, but at the time I was.

So is my experience skewed because of that? I put so much into DD2's birth and to have it all happen so wonderfully, well, I was just ecstatic. My body did have all the physical after-effects, but it couldn't dampen how I felt.

[Arcadia]

Thanks for the reply Jen. Yes I felt wonderful and elated, but I suppose as the days passed I felt really raw. Maybe with the first birth, its also the hugeness of becoming a mummy and new born care, and for me I had some grief about the end of the pregnancy (dd was early).

[Lily Dust]

For me, my birth was not traumatic at all. However, that said, I can not compare it to a 2nd birth. I was a bit deflated about the tearing I experienced despite all my efforts, but overall I was fortunate to have experienced a beautiful birth. For me it was an experience I never thought I would get and I got lucky in the fact it was hard and fast-ish.

[glorious]

I think A LOT of women feel it is traumatic for their own reasons. Arcadia don't feel like you cant talk about trauma simply because you had a birth many consider the ideal, we all react differently to different situations which means something said/done to one might be traumatic to another.
I find Most women feel trauma in regards to their 1st births because they don't know..strength, how hard it might be, the pain or not, the speed, the overall feelings associated. this also comes from no longer being a part of family birthing we don't see the normal we don't have other women with us supporting us.
No one else can tell us what is or is not traumatic!

[Lenny]

Perhaps i am different to most. My first birth was great. I was happy. I looked forward to doing that again (but perhaps with a few changes that hindsight always brings)

My second experience was awful and i'm not sure i'll ever be ok about it. Perhaps my first birth set my expectations of my support and care providers too high.

[Lily Dust]

My second experience was awful and i'm not sure i'll ever be ok about it. Perhaps my first birth set my expectations of my support and care providers too high.

Thats interesting, Lenny. My thoughts are similar. I am concerned if there is a second birth here, that this time I will have fear. I dont know why. I was so lucky to have an awesome midwife last time after coming up against some pretty vile women early on, perhaps Im fearful that I wont get that and it will all go pear shape.

[Tegam]

My fourth birth was very traumatic for me. I felt no trauma after my first three births.....

[kateo]

My first birth was an induced VB but I knew mydaughter would be born still. It was fairly traumatic. My second birth for DS was also induced but didn't go as well and I had to have an emergency CS........
It would be lovely to have another baby and know a "normal"birth.

[Aimz]

I'm really interested to read these.

I am currently planning my first birth which will be a home birth and wonder if I will get through it ok, even if I put everything in place to ensure I am supported and informed. Is it simply the unknown that makes it all so scary?

Really interesting thread and I am curious to hear of everyone's experiences!

[beansbeans!]

My first birth was very tramatic in our opinion. Still I think I need to debrief from it. I know others have gone through a lot worse than I did, but I do not think that lessens what I went through, it was tramatic for me, for Dh, for DD1.
I think majority of first births are tramatic to a certain degree or so because of the not having taken that path before. No matter how much you read, watch, hear, learn during your pregnancy, nothing really prepares you for labour and birth. And really that should extend to the first year of life. Then on top of all that, I dont think there is an a real way to describe the pain you will feel, how the drugs will affect each individual, etc.

[Arcadia]

Aimz I was actually worried about scaring first time birthers.

I think I need to clarify. My birth was awesome and I was happy with care providers, my own abilities, the progress, the bonding and yes I wanted to do it again...it was just I couldn't process it properly in the days and weeks after. I kept revisiting the 'otherness' of it, and that feeling of it being a huge shift in body and mind.

I tend to over analyze things and I got pretty lonely as a new mum, so maybe that comes into play too.

I always, always encourage women to talk about their experiences because I think we rarely hear the many shades of variation in emotion that comes with being a new mum.

[onthefly]

Interesting question. I don't know, but I think there are probably specific reasons why individual women experience trauma that may have nothing to do with birth order

ETA - The otherness you describe, perhaps that makes sense, though. It's such an enormous thing, birthing and caring for a baby. Very surreal.

[Lily Dust]

I'm really interested to read these.

I am currently planning my first birth which will be a home birth and wonder if I will get through it ok, even if I put everything in place to ensure I am supported and informed. Is it simply the unknown that makes it all so scary?

Really interesting thread and I am curious to hear of everyone's experiences!

FWIW Aimz I was scared that I wasnt scared the first time . I actually said to a midwife- Im not scared, is that a bad thing?

[Lenny]

I think majority of first births are tramatic to a certain degree or so because of the not having taken that path before. No matter how much you read, watch, hear, learn during your pregnancy, nothing really prepares you for labour and birth. And really that should extend to the first year of life. Then on top of all that, I dont think there is an a real way to describe the pain you will feel, how the drugs will affect each individual, etc.

Yes, this is so right. It is totally life altering for a lot of us. Perhaps it is such a huge experience the first time around, that all of our emotions relating to the first birth are very amplified. We aren't often exposed to birth prior to our own.

(ETA - I don't mean our own birth, i mean the first time we birth a child ourselves)

[luna moth]

I think it's in Pinkys Parenting By Heart (or maybe Sue Cox's Baby Magic?)where it says that it's normal to want to debrief your birth.

I had a wonderful first birth and can't wait to do it again. But I had an intense need to talk about it afterwards; it is such a huge thing to do, emotionally (and physically I guess) that it's just natural. That's my take.

[Shanti]

For me, birth has never been traumatic. Painful yes, but enjoyable, exhilarating and empowering are some other words I use!

My 2nd labour would probably be the hardest as it was 5hrs longer than DD1's. I expected it would be shorter so that led to some disappointment there.
But in terms of pain etc no it wasn't as painful as I had already experienced a drug free (no gas either) birth first time around.

Baby no.3 I am excited at the prospect of a home birth & calm birthing course to have an even better experience

I have enjoyed both my births.

[TeniBear]

I haven't had a normal, natural birth yet. Both have been induced. That said, Amelia's birth was far more traumatic than Ianto's, and that's even taking into account he was stillborn. Sometimes I think it was even partly *because* he had died, so everyone left me alone to do what I wanted, where at Amelia's birth I was very much a product of the system.


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So, it has come to this.