You'd think by the time I got to my 4th 2 year old, I'd have seen it all... But no, this one is full of life's lessons. & she's not 2 for another month!
She likes to stir. Is getting better by the day at getting a reaction out of everyone. Me, the kids, anyone she can possibly get to yell, jump, hit, pinch... whatever the reaction she's not satisfied without it.
Turning the TV off in the middle of a movie is the favourite... but throwing hard objects at people's heads is about to take over as number 1. DS & I just had a hair brush & remote thrown at us. She will pinch, bite, poke you in the eye. Anything at all. Drawing on the walls while waiting for me to notice is slowly fading into the back ground.
Its not exploring. Well, I don't know another 2 year old who throws a shoe at their mother's head then cowars with hands up, waiting to be hurt back... with a big grin on their face. So I guess I can't really say if its exploration or not?
The tantrums I can deal with. Easy! This constant picking fights & stirring the **** out of everyone is driving me up the wall & I don't know how to stop it! Ignoring is fine... except when she's hurting you/someone, its almost impossible to ignore it! Thowing shoes, toys, remotes, anything & everything she can find.. Thats way above my qualification level...
I think it's hard to deal with and I am not having to live it as you are. Can you get a gated area/playpen and pop her in there, no toys, no stimulation - ideally in a room with no other people in there - and tell her that if she treats people and objects like that then she doesn't have access to them? I'd leave her for a couple of minutes to get the idea. Very much a time out until it calms down.
She's clearly looking for a reaction, so finding something to praise (eg she goes to the TV, you can say "good girl doesn't turn off the TV, come to Mama for a cuddle and a fuss for being good girl") and building from there may prevent some of this.
I will try a bit harder, but I have tried that as a distraction technique. 'Come have cuddles & not talking about what ever it is she's trying to do. She's very determined though
I do have an unused porta cot that i might try. I think we may both struggle with that though... I've never really done the time out thing well. Not at an age where they'd get distressed at being alone anyway... DD2 still struggles with being alone & turned me off it.
ahh you are not alone. I used to work as a nanny, have seen a lot of 2 year old 'attention getting' behaviour.
Have you tried 'time out'? It sometimes doesn't work for a 2yo, but you can try. and a others have said praise good behavior.
She throws an object at one of your other children. It hits the eye. Your child is blinded in that eye, either permanently or needs treatment for years and is left with a scarred cornea for life.
I think a bit of screaming in a time out is the way to go, just to avoid a serious injury. I know DH uses time outs for a lot less and he starts the timer once the screaming stops "so Liebling doesn't think he gets out of it by screaming". I'm not a big fan of that, but by the same token I have had a nasty eye injury from DS (from a complete accident and not from throwing) and have needed surgery on my eye months later as it wasn't healing correctly. And have a huge scar on my cornea. I'm a lot stricter about not throwing things now!
With a lot of love as well as some harsh consequences for her actions, she won't feel unloved or be scarred for life. Sometimes they are just too dangerous for their own good!
Actually I have friend that does time out/ naughty corner in the same room or the next room as everyone. I usually use a different room though. Have you ever watch any episodes of 'Super Nanny' ? She has some good techniques that work for 2yo.
it sounds like she is looking for attention - any attention, even negative is always better than no attention (not saying you give her no attention by the way, just that she has learned to get fast attention in a family with three older siblings by acting out). Since it seems that she wants attention, I think restricting attention and love by giving a time out is counter-productive. I'm no expert but generally kids experience time out as a withdrawal of love and attention (regardless of the motivations of the parent or what the parent tells the child such as "I love you but...." etc).
I think you need to give her more one to one time, not right after throwing something obviously but at other times. This may be difficult or nearly impossible but spending even a few minutes a day totally focused on her, when she is playing and just commentating and describing what she is doing. Connect with her.
At the time of the throwing I think everyone should try to stay calm (don't give her a reaction). It will be hard but remaining calm, removing the object and explaining why we don't throw things, and that it hurts others etc. She is quite young and may not fully understand the reasons but think of it as a process of teaching her empathy. She is possibly exploring what happens when I pinch here versus there, here on mummy and there on sister, what happens when I throw a shoe versus a remote versus a hairbrush. Its at the extreme end but entirely possible she's just checking whether each action will get the same or similar reaction. You need to try to make the reaction part boring for her.
Yeah, she loves the excitement of the reaction. She will threaten to throw for a few minutes before she does most of the time. With the kids it gets them carrying on 'mum, mum' & jumping up freaking out. It's one thing to take it away & try keeping things settled if I'm right there, but I can't always be right there.
She gets 3 whole days of alone time with me. DS is at school 6 hours a day, 3 days a week & the girls 5 days a week. I know she's always competing for my attention, but I think that may be part of the problem. She's always had my attention. Even when I'm trying to do something with the others, she'll be on my hip, or doing it too. Unless she's completely distracted.
I'm trying to wean her & lessen the attachment, but with no outside help its near impossible. These bahaviours started long before I tried to change anything though.
She has a very similar personality to DD1 & DS. They both like to stir too, but she's very extreme compared to them & alot younger than they ever were.
I dunno. I think she's very smart. Even a little too smart. So time out might work. But, I can see her just replacing these things for something else. The way the drawing on the walls has been taken over by throwing things. It gets a better reaction & she knows it. She also knows that DD2 will give a loud over the top reaction & that she can walk all over her, while DD1 & DS will usually lash out & hurt back. She doesn't cower to DD2 at all. But doesn't stir the others any less, just reacts different to their reaction.
Oh this personality is going to be interesting as she grows...
2 year old behaviour.
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ahh you are not alone. I used to work as a nanny, have seen a lot of 2 year old 'attention getting' behaviour. 
it sounds like she is looking for attention - any attention, even negative is always better than no attention (not saying you give her no attention by the way, just that she has learned to get fast attention in a family with three older siblings by acting out). Since it seems that she wants attention, I think restricting attention and love by giving a time out is counter-productive. 
this too shall pass.
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