I know at the end of it all someone is gonna tell me that only I know what the right thing to do is because she is my child and I know best.
I don't. She's 2 and at the moment having the biggest scream fit ever. In her room and i refuse to go to her because she had just been really abusive about 10 minutes ago and it was really getting to my head.
what is the right thing? I tried letting her throw her tantrum on her own, i tried talking to her nicely down at her level, I tried holding her in my arms but she wants none of it. and her tantrum didn't stop. it just escalated.
It started at nap time. her usual nap time. Sleep has always been her biggest enemy but things are better in comparison to when she was a baby.
I sleep with her for all her naps and her night sleeps from the time she was born till now.
this can take between 15minutes to one hour.
you know that gentle parenting stuff.
well i think its turned her into a monster. especially nap and sleep times. thinking OOHH SHE DOES EVERYTHING TO GET ME TO SLEEP. IM JUST GONA MAKE IT A MILLION TIMES HARDER EVERY NOW AND THEN TO SEE IF SHE WILL DO SOME SUMMERSUALTS.
thats how i am feeling.
shes still screaming. im still ignoring.
i ahve scratches from her today and i dont hit or smack her so I don't know where this abusiveness is coming from.
Most times we are good friends but nap and sleep times she tries very hard to make me an enemy.
Now i wish I leep trained her. I wish I taught her that she doesnt need me to do a gazzillion things just to rest and have a good sleep. I iwsh i did that CIO thing to her wich ppl seem to detest.
I have a 6 month old to care fro too and on top of that I am in my first trimester of pregnancy.
I had a sleep monster too and it sounds like you are doing the right things but i will tell you what i ended up doing which usually works for us 90% of the time now....
I waited till bedtime, put her in there and she tantrumed, so i stood next to the cot and hugged her but did not pick her up out of cot. I just hugged her and when she stopped crying (hitting, bashing her on cot etc) i lay her back down and said "Head down, close your eyes"pulled up a chair and got the ipod out and waited, sure enough about 2 minutes later it started again, i just kept repeating the same steps for FOUR hours. It was hell, i cried but i feel like i broke the pattern IYKWIM? I also proved to myself (and DP) that she was capable of sleeping in her own cot by herself. I am sure that isn't classed as gentle parenting but to be honest i was soooo tired everyday that i wasn't being a good parent anyway? I was sick to death of the battles!!!
Not sure if that helps but thought i would share.
Oh and if nothing works, throw yourself on the floor and tantrum next to her...it might shock her enough to work..lol
You have slept with her from the time she was born up until now, so as far as she is concerned that is all she knows and now it has suddenly changed and she doesn't understand it. She is not trying to make you an enemy or be abusive towards you, developmentally she doesn't know how to do that. She is feeling all these new feelings that she doesn't know how to express and that is how they are coming out. If you feel yourself getting frustrated, take some time out, have a breather. Do you have a partner that can share the load with you? Maybe you do nap time and he do bedtime? Frustration and getting mad at her will only escalate the situation. Have you tried talking to her at her level? "I know you're upset and feeling sad"....... Sometimes I find acknowledging my daughters feelings and frustrations can really help to limit the tantrums. Don't ever regret being a gentle parent, we all find bumps in the road. This will pass, be patient if you can, she is still so little and has to learn how to deal with her frustrations. Try gradually removing yourself at naptimes/bedtime. If you used to lie with her then try sitting with her for a cpl nights, then try sitting at the end of the bed, then a chair next to the bed, then near the door, out the door etc. She will protest but with time and patience it will get easier. Good luck.
Gosh you poor thing. Another suggestion- have a good think about how you want her sleep times to go down, and start to role play that scenario with her using a favorite doll or teddy. My little one is a similar age and I won't say she consciously manipulates me, but she does seem to be exploring what works for her ( which isn't always what works for me!!) I think at their age the role playing is something they really get and then you can use that experience to refer to at her sleep time. You can also say things like "teddy isn't crying because he knows he is tired and needs to sleep" etc.
Also send the dolly or teddy to bed with her and when you go in to resettle her if she won't settle, then resettle teddy/dolly first, talking gently to it- it may distract your DD from the tantrum.
A cold turkey option is to get your DH to do the settling for a while? Maybe not as gentle as above but could break the cycle.
Good luck. Hope you find something that works for you.
Could you try taking her to bed half an hour earlier? See if that helps? I start DD out in her bed, then she comes into mine later. I lay with her til she falls asleep, then I go to bed.
My DD has just turned 2 & is very similar. She's learning how to get a response by hurting. It more often than not gets a reponse, because its hard to ignore when it hurts! She's also frusterated at not being able to communicate very well yet.
DD's tantrums have seriously escelated over the past few weeks. She screams that hard she actually turns blue in the face! i don't leave her alone during a tantrum, but I don't touch her either. Just wait til she's ready to calm down. Then try to come to an agreement. This morning at 4am it was some weetbix rather than chips!
I had a sleep monster and some posts like yours. Sometimes you have to walk away for your own sanity. Even though you know that tantrums are usually frustration and that your child needs help, you can't regulate them if you are not regulated and calm yourself.
FWIW, it ends. It does. What I found helpful was to tell Liebling, over his protests sometimes, that Mamma was tired and needed a drink. I love him very much, and I'll be back after I have a cup of coffee. Sometimes I would "race" him: I reckoned he couldn't go to sleep before I finished my coffee. That came later though.
So I sat and had a coffee. Then I went back, a little more refreshed, and held him, kissed him, let him know he is loved. But it is still sleep-time. Sometimes I would tell him I was outside his room. I would pick a book I enjoy, but wasn't inappropriate (so think Roald Dahl over 50 shades LOL) and read it in a calm voice. Liebling knew I was there and if he needed me I would go in, but he could hear me and that really helped him.
He can now put himself to bed when he's tired, goes to sleep on his own and loves bedtime. This started around age 4, so before he went to school. But it was a bit of a nightmare before that. My attitude was always "when he marries his wife can get him to go to sleep" - so any sleep satisfaction I have before he moves out is just a bonus and I enjoy it. (But that was in response to the "rod for your own back" comments you have doubtlessly been attacked with recently, going by your post.)
thank you everyone for their generous and honest opinion.
I'm taking it all in to see what works. There has been some sort of improvement on my behalf which in turn is affecting the way she behaves.
i realise i have to be firm patient and cosistent . Shes the type that would walk all over me other wise.
She is not affectionate when she is having a tanty. She hates cuddles and kisses and she screams her head off whoch means trying to talk to her is out of the question.I just think it's something I have to just deal with. Like a lot of other things.
I have another question about toilet raining I will post on the toilet training thread if anyone here has any time to help out I would be more than greatful .
I used to sit outside the room at dining table where she could see me and then after that I progressed to telling her I'm just going to have s cup of tea and I'd come back. After a while she was asleep by the time I came back. It's hard. Who would of thought sleeping would be such a hard time!!
what is the right thing?
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