Parent/work/life - it's tough (Advice and Vent)

[BrightSparkles]

I'm feeling so overwhelmed at the moment.
Neither girl sleeps through the night (unless they are in our bed) and when they are it's a sleepless night for me at least (DH seems to be able to sleep through it all). Despite all my best efforts, I still can't get them to sleep until late (lately it's 11pm before they crash). I have tried countless things to change this but I feel like none of it works. But thats another story (I have gone to tresillian and hated it so please don't suggest that....)

I'm currently working 4 days in what lately has been a quite stressful job (usually it isn't too bad). I am doing some study via distance but that has fallen by the way side a bit of late.
I'm struggling. I'm stuggling with the stress of my job that I normal love. I feel guilty because when I come home I'm tired and just don't have the energy to do much. The girls are tired because they have been in care all day and the current behaviour is sending me insane. The attitude, the lack of any form of respect.
DD1 said to me today "mum, all you do is tell at us. Why do you alway yell?? Me - i burst into tears because she is right. LAtely, all i have done is yell. I hate myself for that. I hate that it's taken for my 4year old to say that for me to recognise whats happening.

I feel anxious all the time. I feel like I have so much stuff that is unsettling happening around me that I just feel anxious, scared even.

Throw in there that my job for what we do is crap pay and right now all I need is to win some money. I have just had to fork out for a unexpected dentist bill of which the dentist has scarred me for life and added to my anxiety about what she has done. The girls are changing daycares so i have had to fork out for the bond, swimming fees are due, cc bill is due (a whole other vent). I just feel overwhelmed... with everything.

My house, well I have washing piled everywhere that needs to be put away, I need to dust and clean my bathroom and kitchen. I don't cope well with clutter and mess so yet another thing I feel anxious and guily about.

I have booked some supervision for work, but does anyone have any suggestions on how to manage it all? Surely I'm not the only one who has felt like this???? Although right now thats how i feel. I know some of this stuff I need to just let go, but I can't. I can't just let it go because it's going to take me forever to get back to where i should be with it all.

Anyone????

[Floweryfields]

Hugs for you.....if the job is crap pay, and with the cost of CC, is it beneficial for you to work? If you weren't, perhaps everything would be far less stressful.

[BrightSparkles]

Community services ausgirl... That explains all I'm sure lol

[chody47]

I'm not sure if this will help at all, but when I feel overwhelmed I make a list of things that need doing (which could include things that need paying) and each day I try to tackle even a bit of it. When I can see I am making my way through the list I feel better, even if there is still lots to do.

[MummyNaomi]

Do u have any annual leave? Could u take a few days off to clear the backlog and set up some kind of system to get everything under control? Cool a stack of dinners for the freezer etc? Is it worthwhile looking at getting a cleaner once a fortnight? We pay $70 for 3 hrs a fortnight and it saves our sanity and gives us precious family time?
It's hard work juggling it all, best advice is work out what the non
Negotiables are and get them done and try not to fret about the rest.
With regard to the girls interrupting your sleep, would putting a matress in your room to give you all more room help?

[NicNac]

A suggestion for the sleep issue- have you tried setting up a mattress on the floor of your girls room for you (not sure if they share a room or not though). I am the same- cant sleep with DD in our bed but DH has no such problem. Works better for us if I sleep on her floor and she is reassured when she wakes during the night. Usually takes about a week before she settles back into a decent sleeping pattern.
I agree with making a list for the other things, and maybe cutting back on swimming for a term?
Also, what about some counseling through your employers employee assistance programme? Being comm services, surely they have something available to you. It all sounds quite overwhelming at the moment.....
Hope things improve for you soon.

[nothing2lose]

I'm not sure if this will help at all, but when I feel overwhelmed I make a list of things that need doing (which could include things that need paying) and each day I try to tackle even a bit of it. When I can see I am making my way through the list I feel better, even if there is still lots to do.

This works for me too.
Unfortunately, nothing truly fixes the guilt. But then, I'd feel guilty if I wasn't working because, to me, it's an important to show my daughter a woman can have a family and a successful career.

You will get on top of things. In the meantime, go easy on yourself and concentrate on those things that are most important. Everything else can wait.

Hugs x

[Astrid]

I had a week off work when I found it all getting too much. Kids still went to school and childcare, DH still went to work. I found it so helpful to just get on top of some of the major things in the house, did not get all of them done, but when it is all getting to much anything is better than nothing. I also made sure I was not just doing house stuff, I also did some me time things to rejuvenate.

[fionas]

Yep, I agree with Astrid. If I'm feeling overwhelmed I put DDs in childcare for an extra day. I find I get so much more done on my 'bonus' days

It's not unusual for my DD2 to go to sleep REALLY late. To get her to sleep at a reasonable time, I have to make sure she gets tons of physical exercise AND not let her have a nap. Are they sleeping at childcare? I'm not sure what your girls are like but even after childcare all day, DD2 often won't go to sleep very easily. She just doesn't expend much physical energy. She potters. She will sit in the sandpit and play for half an hour. Compared to DD1 who in the same half hour at her age would have done 50 laps of the playground on the bike, been down the slide etc etc. And been asleep by 7.30pm. Oh, those were the days

So if you're doing the obvious things like making sure they have a regular dinner, bath, bed, story routine, then I'd cut out the nap at childcare (if they're having one) and see if there's any way of upping their physical activity.

[BrightSparkles]

So dd2 has stuck her finger in hot jam so just to top off my awesome day I have a whingy tired 2 yr old with burnt fingers gee I'm having a great time as a parent ATM

[BrightSparkles]

Do u have any annual leave? Could u take a few days off to clear the backlog and set up some kind of system to get everything under control? Cool a stack of dinners for the freezer etc? Is it worthwhile looking at getting a cleaner once a fortnight? We pay $70 for 3 hrs a fortnight and it saves our sanity and gives us precious family time?
It's hard work juggling it all, best advice is work out what the non
Negotiables are and get them done and try not to fret about the rest.
With regard to the girls interrupting your sleep, would putting a matress in your room to give you all more room help?

A suggestion for the sleep issue- have you tried setting up a mattress on the floor of your girls room for you (not sure if they share a room or not though). I am the same- cant sleep with DD in our bed but DH has no such problem. Works better for us if I sleep on her floor and she is reassured when she wakes during the night. Usually takes about a week before she settles back into a decent sleeping pattern.
I agree with making a list for the other things, and maybe cutting back on swimming for a term?
Also, what about some counseling through your employers employee assistance programme? Being comm services, surely they have something available to you. It all sounds quite overwhelming at the moment.....
Hope things improve for you soon.

I've booked in some professional supervision.
Swimming is the only thing they do with other kids so would really like to keep it.
In regards to sleep - i just sleep in their room. I at least can get a few hours sleep that way. DD1 doesn't have a day sleep and DD2 very rarely does. Will work on getting more activity in I think.

Thanks for the responses. xx