I'm not a private school snob! Vent

[ladybird11]

DD is starting school on Wednesday *sob*. Her closest kindy friends are all going to the local primary school, however I've opted to send DD to the local Catholic school. I've felt a bit bad about separating her from her friends but I know we'll still be able to organise playdates etc - and DD is quite an adaptable kid.

Anywho, today we were buying some school shoes and stumbled into another little girl who remembered DD from a transition visit late last year. Short story, I started chatting to the mum and I felt amazingly at ease with my decision to send DD to this school. I felt the doubts melt away and felt confident about my decision.......

So much so that I posted on FB that "I felt really at ease about my decision to send DD to the school I'd selected". I was genuinely happy that those feelings of doubt and unease were no longer on my shoulders.

CUE the public VS private debate! (PM's mainly).

I don't have a problem with public, I chose to send my DD to this local Catholic school as it resembled the nurturing environment I had at my primary school - it doesn't mean the local primary school is not a nurturing place. I have worked full time + casual work to save money to afford fee's for the school, we're not rich, I've just saved since I'd enrolled DD (3 years ago).

Its like I can't say anything about my happiness about this school without igniting a debate.

I don't want other mums to feel that its an attack on them. If they're happy with their decision then I'm happy with that. It's not a competition. Other mums have banged on about their public school stories with no worries, as soon as I mention boo about this school people are up in arms and ready to say its a waste of money, "look at me, I went to public school and I turned out alright" yada yada yada.

GAH!

Thanks for reading, just had to let that go!

[Traveller]

Oh that sucks. You choose the school that's ticked all your boxes and boo hiss to what anyone else thinks about that.

[Doing my best]

I totally understand.. I am in the same situation.. (I am taking my DD away from her massive group of friends).. But in our case 1/2 of them are going to the local catholic school, and we are sending our DD to the local christian college.. But I hear all the negatives too..

We made the decision for a few reasons, but not one of them was because we had anything against the local state school, but nobody seems to see that. For us, it is no more expensive than sending her to daycare for 2 days a week (except I don't get a rebate), and how we can afford it should be no-one elses concern..

So vent away...

[Ms_Fi]

You can't win when it comes to some people and education choices.

I've chosen to send my 3 to the local public high school as its a better fit for them than the local private grammar school. I get accused of being a cheapskate and not being prepared to put myself out financially for the benefit if their education!!

I hope your daughter loves her new school

[~Hestia~]

So frustrating when people take things so personally when it has nothing to do with them. Glad you're feeling so positive about the school

[Netix]

We are sending our kids to the Catholic primary school too, as we were told by someonewo works with a lot of community members, that it is the best of the three primary schools here. Secondary school, will probably be the state college, if they want to go there. In terms of subjects and facilities, they have much more than the catholic secondary school.

It is purely personal choice, and you should be happy with your decision. It is your family's decision, not your friends'.

Hope DD enjoys her school.

[~MummaBear~]

I pulled mykids out of the local primary school and put them into a private school. I know exactly where youa re coming from... i have lost friends over this decision. It sucks but at the end of the day those who matterdont mind and those who mind dont matter! Your kids are your concern and that is all people need to know!! I hope your little miss enjoys her new school!!

[ladybird11]

Oh really? Lost friends over your decision to send your kids elsewhere...that's terrible!

Thank you for understanding ladies

X

[Floweryfields]

Why is it anyone else's business what you choose to do with your child's education. Tell them to mind their own business.

[Freya]

Having something similar happen here. We've been quite honest about why we made the choice to private school our kids from first year primary. I don't judge those who choose not too but I also don't cop to getting flack for us doing so. I find a lot of the hard feelings stem from the financial side of things; private schooling is seen as something you do when your well off. Which is baloney, anyone can swing it if its what they want. In my circle three of us private school, of those three we are all of variable income/financial standing. So it's not a money thing. It's a choice.

I wouldn't worry about others projecting their issues into you, you've made the right choice for YOUR family

[BellyBelly]

People and money have a long history lol. Its always been tied into statures and egos so there will always be people who act like this. Remember, its not about what they think about you, but its all about their own relationship with money - and what they think it means about themselves. The biggest fear humanity have is that they are not good enough... Then if they are not good enough, they wont be loved. It comes out in so many issues in life, often boils down to that.

[Razzberry]

Totally get you! I find it funny when people say we cant afford to send our kids to a private school - yet its their kids they are sending 3-5 days a week to childcare which would cost as much or more than a private school! (well the private schools in western sydney - not the super expensive ones). I went to a private school, I work in a private school and my kids will probably go to a private school. We are not rich, we work hard and make sacrifices as alot of people do to send their kids to a private school. I have nothing against public schools, I am just used to the private system, plus we want our kids to go to a school where they are taught about the Christian Faith openly, rather than just in scripture classes.
People need to stop judging people for their choices, I feel like if you are happy with your decision, and Im happy with mine what does it matter?

[Astrid]

Totally get you! I find it funny when people say we cant afford to send our kids to a private school - yet its their kids they are sending 3-5 days a week to childcare which would cost as much or more than a private school! (well the private schools in western sydney - not the super expensive ones).

And that is not judging?? What parents choose to do with their money is there choice, incomes can change over the years, maybe it was a complete strain on them paying childcare and they made a lot of sacrifices to pay it at the time.

If find for me, it is all how it comes across. I don't give a toss where someone sends their children, but the moment they make someone else feel bad for choosing differently then it matters. One friend of mine would be in tears due to another mother making her feel bad for choosing a public school (there was no way she could afford private school).

I am thinking maybe these other parents have been made to feel bad and have had to already defend their choice of public school, so they now get defensive when someone chooses private school. Not right of them to make someone else feel bad, but past experience is making them hit out before they are hurt.

[Amaunet]

If find for me, it is all how it comes across. I don't give a toss where someone sends there children, but the moment they make someone else feel bad for choosing differently then it matters. One friend of mine would be in tears due to another mother making her feel bad for choosing a public school (there was no way she could afford private school).

I am thinking maybe these other parents have been made to feel bad and have had to already defend their choice of public school, so they now get defensive when someone chooses private school. Not right of them to make someone else feel bad, but past experience is making them hit out before they are hurt.

I think this too.

One of the things I like least about Facebook, the fact that the people reading your status don't know the thought process behind the post. I guess the wording "at ease" could imply that a different decision/school would make you "uneasy" , a decision some of your FB friends have obviously made iykwim. Of course this isn't what you intended. I'm always careful (or try to be) of my word choice in online communications because there is no "tone" online. By saying instead, "I'm so excited about DD starting school at X school, what a big girl" there is no or less opportunity for misunderstanding.

We all make the best decisions we can for our children but it can be hard when others judge us for them

[Trillian]

We've gotten some odd comments too about where we've chosen to send our eldest to high school. Where we live, it's just assumed that you go through the public school, then you go on to the high school. End of. But a few years ago we decided that we would send DS1 to boarding school in a town about an hour away. People have seemed surprised at this, but it's just us wanting him to do the best he can and go to a school that is going to meet his needs, and this school ticks all the boxes and then some. The local high school doesn't. Our DS's interests are in agriculture and he wants a future in that industry, so he's going to an agricultural high school. But people don't realise that it is still a public school, they just assumed that because it's a boarding school, it was private. Once you tell them that they don't seem so odd about it, but I know they think about the cost of it. which is none of their goddamned business as far as I'm concerned. I think people forget that what you do is not about them and their choices, and you doing xyz is not an affront to them doing abc kwim?

[Freya]

I think this too.

One of the things I like least about Facebook, the fact that the people reading your status don't know the thought process behind the post. I guess the wording "at ease" could imply that a different decision/school would make you "uneasy" , a decision some of your FB friends have obviously made iykwim. Of course this isn't what you intended. I'm always careful (or try to be) of my word choice in online communications because there is no "tone" online. By saying instead, "I'm so excited about DD starting school at X school, what a big girl" there is no or less opportunity for misunderstanding.

We all make the best decisions we can for our children but it can be hard when others judge us for them

I disagree. It's the people who took implication from whatever words she used that have to own that. Maybe for her sending her child to the local public school options was an uneasy decision to make, and now that she has made a choice she does feel at ease. In the end it has nothing to do with public vs private but what's best for her child. I often find those who go on the defensive pretty quickly have the biggest hang ups about whatever they are being defensive about. It's hard not to take that personally but I've learnt lately that people should not have to be ashamed or uncomfortable about their lives being positive, whether that be materially, financially or otherwise; just because others are not in that position. It's unfair.