Knowing the societal pressure my kids will face as they grow to see fault in themselves, I regularly tell them how perfect their bodies are. If I'm helping them take off their shoes, for example, I'll say "oh my goodness, did you know this foot is completely perfect?" And when I kiss them I'll exclaim "wow look at that nose, do you know what it is? " and they'll smile and say "perfect". I'm hoping they'll have this idea so firmly instilled that the magazine images of perfect and the creams, ointments and tablets designed to prey on our faults will wash over them.
Recently when I do this my daughter has started responding in kind. And I've been finding it really hard to hear. She'll point at my chin and tell me it's perfect and I want to respond "no, it's too big for my face". Or my nose and I'm so tempted to point out that the pores are too big. I could go on (and on and on).
But you know what, if I can't believe I am perfect then how can I expect my kids to? And I am perfect. I couldn't be more perfect at being me if I tried. This doesn't mean I shouldn't aim to eat well and exercise, but for health not beauty.
So I want to remind you that you are also perfect. You are someone's reason to smile in the morning. You are unapologetically you. I hope you can look in the mirror today and appreciate your perfection.
I am trying to let my kids know how perfect they are too. Showing how capable they are, that their bodies can do what they want if they try. I dread to think they may think of themselves as I think of myself. I am learning to appreciate myself, but it's a very long road for me. I have 34-ish years of bad self esteem and thoughts to combat!
It reminds me of the Dr Seuss saying "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
I don't tell my DD that she is perfect, because she's not. Like every other person in the world she has flaws and foibles. I don't think i should set her up to expect perfection in either herself or others because it will only lead to disappointment.
Perfection is a social construct. Society is full of people just waiting to tell you are imperfect and don't live up to the ideal. Better in my mind to teach them to accept that while that may be true it doesn't matter. Self acceptance, warts and all, is more important IMO.
It would be true in their eyes, can you remember what you thought of your parents as children. I remember thinking my mum was beautiful and dad was handsome. I am trying to relax in myself, knowing that my ds won't see my flaws just a mother that loves him very much, and lights up when he's around. Thanks for this reminder traveller.
I think my children are beautiful and I tell them that but I prefer to praise them for their efforts and their achievements rather than for their looks/bodies.
I agree that perfection is a social construct, so as a society why can't we redefine that as a person who is happy in their own unique skin?
As for praising achievements, I do that without question. But as an adult with a history of bulimia, and knowing my sister has a history of anorexia, I want my children to grow without an inbuilt hate of their bodies. I want them to love and respect their perfect bodies and to use the confidence that gives them to make their way in the world without apologising for who they are.
I understood what you were saying Traveller. That everyone is perfect. You are the perfect you. No one can be more perfect at being you than you are.
Thank you, that was lovely. I tell my children everything they are good at also. And I'm trying to also speak about myself the same way. Tell them that my body is amazing, that I am good at some things, that I am beautiful. It's hard!!
I totally get what you are doing, because I hate my body also, and want my kids not to, but at the same time it might backfire if they ever do feel negatively towards a body part and their whole reason for being told they were perfect was because of their body.
I tell my kids (especially my daughter because everyone goes on about her looks) that they reason that she is beautiful is because she has a beautiful soul, and that's what shine through and makes her look beautiful. I talk about the wonderful character traits she has, of being happy, of helping others etc, as making her a beautiful person.
Don't know if it''s a guaranteed way to make her not have the same issues I have (then again, she won't have a mother telling her the only way she swould be betiful is if she went anorexic for a while), but I don't know if there are ever guaranteed ways regarding this type of thing. I just hope it works
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You are perfect
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