Really confused - never know which choice to make

[MotherM]

Thanks so much for the replies I got. Felt to personal to leave up, forgive me!

[lady_neon]

Hi MotherM, not sure whether you are after advice or just an ear.. sounds like you are very confused. Perhaps the two of you should see a relationship counselor?

[Gigi]

i agree with Lady Neon. Everyone has their dealbreaker. You are entitled to yours (no-one hurts your son). If your husband is depressed and is not getting help for that, that is another major issue too.

[MotherM]

Thank you. Yes, I'm confused.
Not sure whether to leave and start fresh but don't want to keep going through relationships as I mentioned above, stigma etc.

He said "Its hard being looked upon as a father figure and not being able or capable of parenting" <--- that's about the true-est (!!) words I've heard lately

We had one counselling session, on wait list. Just don't know whether it's worth bothering!!

[bubno.3]

is he violent with you behind closed doors as well?

[MotherM]

No - never.

[Catastrophic]

I understand the "no touching" your child thing. I'm a mother I get it... But I get the feeling, that the problems is a little bit of your controlling issues? especially with your latest comment " "Its hard being looked upon as a father figure and not being able or capable of parenting" <--- that's about the true-est (!!) words I've heard lately "... I've been a step parent - and had a few arguments with both the mother and my partner about parenting. it wasn't until we all sat down and discussed what we all expected that it got easier.

I would suggest some counselling, it sounds from what you have said the relationship is good in other ways.... Maybe getting together with a counsellor will be able to bring a few more things to the surface.

[Catastrophic]

I understand the "no touching" your child thing. I'm a mother I get it... But I get the feeling, that the problems is a little bit of your controlling issues? especially with your latest comment " "Its hard being looked upon as a father figure and not being able or capable of parenting" <--- that's about the true-est (!!) words I've heard lately "... I've been a step parent - and had a few arguments with both the mother and my partner about parenting. it wasn't until we all sat down and discussed what we all expected that it got easier.

I would suggest some counselling, it sounds from what you have said the relationship is good in other ways.... Maybe getting together with a counsellor will be able to bring a few more things to the surface.

[bubno.3]

well thats good ..

i dont want to go over stuff you have probably already said but here goes:

Have you talked to him?
Does he know your feelings?
Are you still in love with him?
Are you still sleeping with each other?

Is he being treated for his depression and his other issues?

FIGHT for you marriage .....and when you have exhausted fighting it then you can decide to leave as if it is just a discipline thing professionals guide and give you tools for the both of you to come to middle ground..

[MotherM]

Thanks catastrophic. I guess I don't view it as controlling - I view it as protecting my son. I don't lay a hand on him, why should anyone else. We try and compromise generally, my son is a really good boy - even my husband admits that he is very good...so I'm not sure why these things happen. My husband gets irritated with "noises" even down to me chewing a carrot. Many different points to think about though!

Thanks bubno.3. My husband knows how I feel, he said some of the points are actually valid. But he says it's just how he is and the stress he is under. He said he will try and reduce his stress (but working stresses him, we need money to survive!)

Anyway...you can never explain it all on a forum I guess but I just really needed somewhere to get it out........somehow!

[Footsteps]

Not sure what exactly was posted but huge hugs x