Need to get it out there before I lose my mind

[TaRhLi.]

Life is busy and demanding as any life with 3 children would be - add to the fact 1 is 3 1/2 and the twins are almost 2 adds an extra dimension to the craziness that is my life...

But factoring in that the twins have developmental delays as well creates it's own challenges - 'R' is delayed in gross and fine motor skills and 'L' is speech delayed ie: he has no words at all.

Both boys are seeing a Speech Therapist who has told me that both boys show signs of ASD (which has been in the back of my mind about R as he also displays obsessive tendancies - wheel spinning etc - and also lack of emotion), these indicators have really ramped up lately with both boys refusing to sleep, night waking, uncontrollable tantrums and now they have learnt to climb they display no awareness of fear or danger.

I'm about to lose my mind as I just cannot watch them 24/7 - especially when they stimulate each other to such a degree that they then go in different direction and cause chaos. I feel constantly worn down and tired and snappy all the time, my 3 1/2 yr old cops a lot of my frustration and all up I feel like I'm letting her down by not being a better mum to her as my focus is so much on the boys and what they are doing.

R is on the waiting list for Early Childhood intervention and L has just had an application submitted for him to be added to the wait list as well. We are seeing our GP tomorrow to be referred to a child psychologist to have the behaviour matters addressed, I'm still waiting to hear from an Occupational Therapist to assess their needs and add this to the Speech Therapist my mind is going crazy with all the appt's and costs to have the boys treated until they get offered a place with a specialised service.

I have applied to Centrelink for a Carers Allowance to help cover the costs of some of the services - but it has been such a challenge to try and get a payment and I'm still waiting to hear back if we have been accepted. So this is just adding to my stress levels even more as we are a 1 income family and I've just started my own business (as a Marriage Celebrant) which I am using as an outlet for some me time. Plus I wanted to have a business that I can start off small and then grow once the kids are bigger and I had more time available to build my network, but it feels like I'm sinking in quicksand fast and can't see an end in sight.

I have looked at the options to put the boys into childcare for 1 day a week to give me a break, but until L is accepted into the Early Childhood Intervention system we financially can't afford to put both boys into childcare as the out of pocket would be too much for us to manage. Once he is accepted however then we will look at options as we can get funding to cover our out of pocket expenses, but once this happens then trying to find a childcare place for 1 child is near impossible so for 2 our chances are minuscule.

I suppose I just needed to get it out of my head and if anyone has any ideas of how I can manage all these challenges until we get some professional services for the boys I would love to hear them.

They say twins are given to people who can handle them - but twins with special needs is something I never dreamed would happen to me...

[AnyDream]

I'm sorry that you're having such a challenging time. By the sounds of it, though, you are taking all the right steps and soon this will start paying off - so hang in there! As hard as it is right now, the added pressure of starting up a business might be a variable that you do have control over - so maybe give some thought to taking a short recess of a few months - time to allow you to get the other support and services into place. Then once all of that is set up and you have childcare sorted out, you would have more time and energy to devote to your business plans.

Re childcare fees - check what your entitlements are re Centrelink CCB and CCR. Remember that you can organise with the childcare service so that they get the CCB and CCR directly, you then only have to pay the gap that's left over. Once you've done these sums childcare might be more affordable than you realise. Also, re waiting lists, if you chat to the director of the service, they may prioritise your place based on your family circumstances. Family Day Care may also be an option in your area.

[TaRhLi.]

I've already done estimates for Childcare and the centre fees - it works out that our OOP for 2 kids (factoring in CCB & CCR) is approx. $53 per day each I've done all the estimates on the Centrelink calculator - so even only having to pay for 1 at the moment would still be crazy expensive.

I've spoken with 1 centre who have told me the wait would be 3-4 mths at least as we need 2 places and another one has advised that before they could accept the boys they need to apply for additional funding to the centre to have an additional staff member in the room they would be to be able to meet their needs and the other children. We don't have any FDC in my area and in Ballarat - my local major regional - the wait list for FDC is huge, a friend of mine had to put her unborn baby on the wait list when she was 6mths pregnant to hopefully get a place 12mths later.

I know starting a business now doesn't seem the right time but being a Marriage Celebrant there is always a lag time from getting a booking and doing the wedding - minimum of 6mths generally - and I need to get some weddings under my belt to get the experience I need and also to remain qualified. All the weddings I have booked so far are between 6-18mths away so by then hopefully things with the boys will be in order....

[Olive]

I take my hat off to you....it must be tough
Maybe jump in here and have a chat with other mums
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...97/index3.html

Xxx

[Mrs O'M]

I have no advice, but also take my hat off to you. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job! I hope you get some answers and the support you need soon!

[Sunny Love]

I'm afraid I don't have any financial advice to offer, but early intervention is best thing working in your favour right now. It really is like the saying goes, "It's hard to see a silver lining when you're stuck in the stormcloud". How true of ASD.
For your own download and respite, perhaps start a journal/blog, maybe share it with your partner. Tell it everything, allow yourself be un-judged.
For managing at home before services begin etc, equip yourself with basic activities, strategies & simple routines that will be useful throughout the day regarding all the kids. Maybe create a visual timetable for you, and the kids, to follow.
You're probably already doing these things I've suggested, but my main point is to see your own strength and use it to push forward.

[TaRhLi.]

Thanks Olive

[TaRhLi.]

Thanks Sunny Love for your ideas, routine is paramount in our household - I think having twins does that to you anyway - and any variation to routine it becomes meltdown city...

I really struggle with basic things with the boys - taking DD to kinder is a nightmare as they have a tantrum because we have to get out of the car, have a tantrum because they have to be confined to the pram (or else they run away) have a tantrum because we have to get back in the car etc.

It is pretty much their way or no way and trying to wrestle 2 x 14kg boys who are stronger than me is hard to do. I would love just 1 day break from them but then I miss them too much when I'm away. DH doesn't seem to think there is too much wrong with them and that they are just being boys and even when he has too look after them himself he doesn't seem to see the tantrums, bad behaviour and the kicking and hitting I have to deal with or if he does he chooses to ignore it. He likes to tell me that if I want to go back to work full time he will stay home with the kids as it would be easier and when he calls during the day and asks how everyone is, when I tell him what meltdowns, tantrums etc have occurred he laughs it off. Until a professional tells him there is something to worry about he won't believe it....