Plagued by indecision and something else...fear? Anxiety? I don't know.

[LimeSlice]

I seem to have quite a few option available to me at the moment. They are all going to take time to get me to where I could be going, but there seem so many paths I can take and it is doing my head in.
I seem to be stuck. Like I am plagued by this inability to make a decision. Take decisive action and accept that that means letting go of the others things I could/want to be doing. I want to do them all. Obviously this is not an option, but I can't seem to even settle on one thing to do first.

The more I think about it the worse it gets. The less I think about it, the more stuck I feel.
I have this sense that I should be *doing* stuff. I should be in a dynamic phase or something, but I can't seem to find the go button. And when I think I have settled on a choice, I question myself into indecision again.

My brain is exploding with options and consequences and trying to map a path for my life and the lives of my girls that will put us where I want us to be and I am... well, I don't know what this is. Fear of failure or anxiety or fear of success or petulant refusal to accept this is my reality or reluctance to confront the fact I need to change my goal posts now, post-separation and post-housewife life....

I really feel totally inept and incompetent right now, I don't really know why, but I do. It sucks.

First world problems, hey. Damn.

I suppose what I am wondering is, how do you take decisive action when you have to shoulder all the responsibility, when you are having to do these things and take thee *huge* decisions on your own, when there is nobody to partner with and talk through the possibilities?
When do you know you have taken the right path and made the right decisions?
Does it ever get easier making these life-altering decisions for your children alone? Does this weight of responsibility ever ease or do I really need to get used to that?

[*Efjay*]

LS, you would have to be one of the main members here on BB that gets in & says it as it is & is able to see beyond the crap to really get to the root of the issue in a persons post. I honestly don't believe that you could make a wrong choice with what ever path you take. I think if you go with your gut you will be spot on. Don't let fear consume you. Take the leap, no regrets!

[fionas]

I think in that situation you need to trust yourself. Remind yourself of all the good decisions you have made.

Also give yourself permission to make a mistake to take the fear out of the decision. Chances are you'll make the right decision but if you don't/change your mind, very few things in this life are unfixable.

Best of luck xx

[Arcadia]

It sounds like the indecision is impacting negatively on your life, so at this point any decision seems better than constant indecision. I'm not sure what your decisions are, but can you look at "trialing" options, so if its about moving, then maybe stay somewhere for a long weekend, or if its about work, then trying to visit a few similar workplaces to get a feel for them.

I think you are also grieving the normal process of talking through ideas with someone and letting them shoulder the burden of responsibility. Perhaps if you take the responsibility off yourself and let 'fate' decide somewhat, through flipping a coin or something else that is arbitrary.

Good luck.

[Floweryfields]

While I don't have children, I am single and have had to make the huge decisions on my own so I feel your burden. I realise it probably doesn't really compare to your situation that well. However, it is really difficult and if I personally look back, I know I have used my singleness as a reason not to take the plunge into some new things because I just don't have the support and I am afraid of the plunge alone.
When I need to talk to someone I usually use my brother or my parents as friends aren't close enough for these 'biggies'. And you might think it sounds really naff, but I pray, a lot! Sometimes that helps, sometimes I fully admit it doesn't, sometimes I feel a peace about the decision, sometimes there is nothing one way or the other.

For me, time is the only true teller of if a choice has been the right one - having children would certainly put a whole new spin on it though as it's not just my life I am stuffing up if I do iykwim.

I think the decision making does get easier, as you grow in your own confidence as you make more good choices.

[AnyDream]

Time to mind map, or brainstorm, or just write it all down on a huuuuuuge piece of paper. Each one of the main options gets its own big heading, then just get all the pros, cons, time frames and, most importantly the contingency plans down for each one. Try to focus on what you know for sure about each option, rather than speculating. However, if you do know that Option 1 will definitely open another door/option down the track, include that in your pros list.

Once it's all down on the one piece of paper, go through with some coloured crayons or textas, and underline, colour in, or any other way decorate the bits that stand out to you, that have the most resonance. This will start to give you an idea of which option holds the most energy for you (ie will yield the most energetic rewards). When this starts becoming clear, you can spend a little more time investigating the practicalities of pursuing that option, and if all of that turns out to be accessible/achievable, there's your answer.

In the meantime, don't stress too much about making the "right" decision. The "right" decision doesn't depend on what the thing is that you do, but rather how you go about doing it, kwim? You can do this Limey. Just remember that sometimes we have known all along what the answer is, it just takes having a bit of a detour to recognise that's what we have yearned for this whole time.