My 2.5 year old just doesn't listen

[buliej]

My little boy of 2.5 just doesn't listen. He hears, understands and then ignores. And he will then say he did something naughty and wants a cuddle because he knows we are upset/angry. Sometimes it is. Just frustrating but other times dangerous like at swimming lessons when he runs off to jump in the pool befor dh is ready to go in with him or when he doesn't listen re: hold mummy's leg orthe pole while I strap your little brother in the car - he runs off nearly into the street. I do a sports class with him and all the kids are between 2.5-3 and DS is the worst in e group at listening - he just does what he wants even though he completely understands what is being asked of him and can do it. I had to keep him on my lap for the first 30 min of the 45 min class because he was being so disruptive. Then he participated quite well for the last 15 min. Any advice? How typical is this? When does it get better?

[CoNNiE_Melb]

My DS is turning 3 and he is exactly the same. It's sooo frustrating. He understands so it's like he's ignoring us completely - I think it's just normal for their age to not have the self control to follow through with what the 'right' thing to do is. My son just goes, there is no thinking involved... Sometimes he'll look at me when he's about to do something he knows he's not allowed to do. Grrrr!!! He's just constantly testing boundaries. It's exhausting and I just hope it passes soon.

[Calluna]

Yep. You described my ds perfectly. Hes just turned 4 and is finally starting to improve. (Not what you want to hear I know)

[Mum2twoBoys]

My just turned 2yo son is the same, hugs. All I can think is that it's a developmental thing and he will eventually grow out of it.

[<3 Mumofthreetobe <3]

If you know that he understands what you are saying and just simply ignoring you, then I would say he would understand a punishment for this behaviour. I'm not talking about smacking or anything, but maybe when at home, a time out or taking away a favourite toy, not being allowed to watch a favourite show, just to show there are consequences to his behaviour. It would be different if he wasn't understanding you, then this wouldn't be the right thing. But considering he understands that when you are upset he wants a cuddle, maybe his way of apologising' I think he definitely understands and is choosing to ignore.

May not work for all children but it's worked for mine, so I can only give you advice on what worked for us =)

[Jaycee]

My DS2 is of a similar age and completely understands what we are saying to him, so we have now started time out for naughty behaviour. He is asked to stop doing something once, then he is warned that if he doesn't do as told he will be in time out, then it's straight to time out.

He has responded well to this, perhaps you could try something similar?

Just as a side note, with the example you've given above with regard to putting your little one in the car while he hangs on to your leg etc, can you put him in first? I'm sure that would save you a lot of stress and be a lot less dangerous.

[~Kim~]

Yep. You described my ds perfectly. Hes just turned 4 and is finally starting to improve. (Not what you want to hear I know)

Exactly what I was going to post. I tried everything I could read. Swimming lessons were so hard I thought about giving up. I hated going out in public with him, he was that hard work.
I have despaired about my DS, but now he seems to be re-emerging.
huge

[buliej]

Thanks everyone...

Will think about time outs - the issue is where to put him as the most "boring" and suitable place is actually in the hallway outside his brother's room (and his room) so when little B2 is napping, this is not a good place. Plus it is outside one of the bathrooms which he thinks is a play room (another thing he doesn't listen to - and he can reach the door handle!). The other place is in the hallway right inside the front door - that may be where we resort to for time outs. Tell me, how do you get your toddler to sit for the time out period (I understand it's 1 minute per year of age).

As for taking things away - favorite toy/tv time etc. - he doesn't have a favorite toy - he's as happy with a cardboard box as he is with any other toy and to date, he hasn't played on our iPad or anything like that. He's also not a huge enough fan of tv for that to matter to him (we've tried and he just doesn't care). The only thing he really, really cares about are his "blankies" - if I took these away, it would be like the world was coming to an end. I have very mixed feelings about using his comforter (they aren't toys) as a punishment tool. What do you think? this sure would be a punishment but it also feels cruel.

I can't put DS1 (toddler in car) when I'm holding DS2 (infant) - we weren't using a pram - just a quick run into day care for pick-up - if I did have the pram, toddler son would go in first. I guess I could use the pram, but I would rather him learn to listen when it comes to something so important as I'd only be setting up the pram to take infant DS2 from car to front door of daycare, then would have to take him out, walk in to pick up toddler, restrap infant son in, walk the couple meters to the car and so on and so on - a lot more work when toddler son should be able to follow a simple request to hold on to the pole or mommy's leg (rather than run!)

You are all right - it is so frustrating...and kind of a shock to our system as he used to be such a compliant little fellow!

[~Kim~]

I wouldn't use the comforter, but that's just me.

I find that if I tell him he'll have to miss out on XYZ (doing something fun that we are all doing, nothing major, kicking a ball or something), that's more beneficial than taking something away as they just don't understand.

I have to sit with DS. I don't really do time out but we do calm down time in their rooms. It isn't a punishment per say but time to centre and regroup. "When you can calm down/stop being so silly etc, we can come out". I'm not fussed if he plays, he's distracted. If he's destructive though, I sit with him.

The car thing is hard. I had the same trouble. He's also adjusting to your new bub and seeing what he can make happen. I found one thing worked with DS - a backpack leash. He only had to wear it once to get the picture. I'd then throw him in his side with the child lock on so I could get DD2 in her seat safely on the other side and then go and do him up. He didn't have to hop into his seat, just play in the footwell. We also have a rule that if you aren't holding my hand and you are outside the car, you must be touching the car. Easier though since DD1 was so used to it already when he came along that it was just second nature by the time he could understand. I've seen cool stickers you can put on the side of your car with a little hand on them for that very purpose.

[CoNNiE_Melb]

We put our DS in time out, and it doesn't necessarily stop him doing it again, but it's good for taking him out of the situation and breaking the pattern.
Keeping him in the spot started off as hard work... 1 day I spent 18 minutes putting him back in the spot for a 2 minute time out! But he got the point eventually. It takes a whole lot of persistence.

When we're out, if he is running off or touching things he shouldn't, I tell him not to do it once, if he does it again, i warn him - do it again we will go home. The key here is to follow through. Last week, he touched again, so that was it, we left to go home (kicking and screaming).
Today when we went out, I said remember what happened last time at the shops? I had a chat to him about the rules and kept reminding him at the shops and he was heaps better.

Some days, no amount of time out or talking helps... If he's just in a cheeky mood, I just try to breathe though it! He is just testing the boundaries, and this is probably the most important time to follow through with discipline and set the limits - over and over again!

[Jaycee]

I don't have any issues with DS2 staying still for time out, it's only for two minutes and he's normally bawling his eyes out whilst he's there.

Once the two minutes is up we have a cuddle and talk about why he went to time out and he normally behaves himself for the rest of the day. He's a pretty switched on little kid and totally understands though.

I don't agree with taking things away at that age, I don't believe it's a suitable discipline action for this age group, at least it's not for my DS. I definitely wouldn't be taking any security / comfort toys or blankets away, just like I won't do time out in his room because I want this to be his happy place, not associated with punishment at all.

[CoNNiE_Melb]

Agree with all Jaycee said.

Taking away toys means nothing to him because he has heaps more and just forgets about it anyway. I also wouldn't take his comforter, that's just mean.

We always have a cuddle after time out too, it's a clean slate after that. I also don't use his room for timeout, nor do I say he will have to go to bed as punishment. Bedtime should be a happy and calm experience.

[Mum2twoBoys]

I'd then throw him in his side with the child lock on so I could get DD2 in her seat safely on the other side and then go and do him up. He didn't have to hop into his seat, just play in the footwell.

This is what I do with ds when I have to do something. I have a wagon, so either pop him in backseat or boot whilst I finish doing what I need to.