Just wanted to know if I am being extra sensitive and taking this too personally or not.
My two SILs both live in the same town as me and we all share an interest in the same craft hobby. Turns out my 2 SILS meet up about weekly/fortnightly to do this craft together in the evening. I get invited about once every 3 months.
Just to be clear DH is one of 3 boys, so us SILs are all "married in".
I just feel a bit left out
Last edited by Bloom; August 13th, 2013 at 04:03 PM.
: Clarification
Yup, we are all in the same town, pretty close together. I edited my post for clarity.
DH says I'm being silly, but I do feel a bit left out. My childless SIL often minds the other SILs children, but has never offered to help with mine (though I have never asked I guess...)
Sounds left out to me. We used to live in the same village as BiL and his family, PiL would visit them and not us. I know the pain. The only thing to help is a mindset change (rather not see them anyway), but it still doesn't fully stop the sting of being unloved.
I know the feeling. My brother & SIL spend time, look after, take places her families kids, but hardly have anything to do with mine... and i'm his sister. Not that he shouldn't, but what about us?
And no, I don't ask for help/baby sitting. Because the BS that comes with it seriously isn't worth it.
Can definitely understand why you feel left out.
On the other hand, it very likely isn't to do with you, but rather they have maybe just 'clicked' and formed a tight friendship. That doesn't mean that they don't value you, just that they are closer still. Sometimes that happens, where two people will get along on a deeper level - it has nothing to do with family or leaving others out or whatever, it's just a personality 'click'. IYKWIM. The probably believe they are including you, by having you there as much as they do, not excluding you by meeting up without you.
Thanks everyone. I feel a bit better knowing I'm not being silly about it. But that the same time, I think that Misty is right: the two SILs have just clicked and are really close. I can't break into that close relationship (for one I don't have the time!) and it is great that they have each other.
I do try to catch up with them a bit and not get upset when they talk about the others times they see each other/things they did etc.
If you would like to be included more often, could you offer to host once a month or something? Or is it done outside of the home? I would feel left out too, so it's not just you. You say you don't have the time, maybe they sense that too, and that's why invites are few and far between?
I would feel left out too.
My SILs started catching up without me around a year ago and have started acting weird around me since so I can kind of relate. It's not a nice feeling.
I get that you would feel that way - I felt a similar way when I found out my sister was doing all these different things with my siblings (blood and in law) but not me, but when I asked her about it (very gently of course - not confronting) it was just a combination of absolute oblivion to my sense of exclusion, and a general impression that I was always busy, and would have been too busy for catch ups with her.
So I've started inviting her to stuff on a very ad hoc basis (a meal here, a trip to the park with the kids there) and she's really leapt at the opportunities 99% of the time, which has been really nice.
That being said, while typing that out it occurs to me now that I haven't done that with my brothers or their wives, so hopefully they're now not thinking that DH and I do all this stuff with my folks and my sister, and leave them out ...
Maybe they think (correctly or incorrectly) that you're not as into the activity as them, or maybe they really cherish that 1-on-1 time or maybe they just assume you'd ask if you wanted to come more often ...
If you're keen to join in more, I'd say so Tell them that you really love hanging out and crafting it up, and say that you'd like to come more often (once a month, every time, whatever) but express that you appreciate that they're close and you don't want to overstep ... and I'd sort of put it back on them a bit - that you don't need an answer then and there, but if they could have a think and let you know, that would be great. I think most people would take that seriously - that you're voicing your feelings, that you like them and want to spend time, but that you respect their feelings and preferences too, and nobody, *nobody* wants to feel like the fly in the ointment, so an honest response would be appreciated.
Besides, if the relationship is one that you enjoy and appreciate and want to commit more time to, then one would hope they'll be respectful and honest in responding
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BellyBelly Member
Feeling left out
Tell them that you really love hanging out and crafting it up, and say that you'd like to come more often (once a month, every time, whatever) but express that you appreciate that they're close and you don't want to overstep ... and I'd sort of put it back on them a bit - that you don't need an answer then and there, but if they could have a think and let you know, that would be great. I think most people would take that seriously - that you're voicing your feelings, that you like them and want to spend time, but that you respect their feelings and preferences too, and nobody, *nobody* wants to feel like the fly in the ointment, so an honest response would be appreciated.
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