2.5yo scared of weeing at home? help!

[xXHopeXx]

We have started TT'ing DD, we have been on and off for awhile, not really pressing the issue as she didn't quite seem ready. after dd's daycare teacher suggested she was ready, we thought we'd bite the bullet and give it a go.
For AGES she has loved running to the toilet and sitting on it, and associates it with wees, but always seems to go after she has done a wee. she has done a wee on the toilet, once, maybe twice at home, and one of those times she started crying and was really upset while she was doing a wee, like she felt she was doing the wrong thing?
at daycare today she had undies on, and was happily running to the toilet there, and actually did a couple wees on the toilet! she had a couple accidents, and one she was almost there but couldnt get her pants down in time, she even went and sat on the toilet when i came to pick her up.

Anyway.. fast forward to this afternoon/evening, when we came home she was holding herself like she needed to wee, so we asked her if she wanted to go to the toilet, she said she had to poo, and started crying, so we tried to calm her and say let's go to the toilet/potty! then she screamed and ran off into her room (her usual tantrum thing lol..) and came back with a nappy trying to put that on.
We said no nappies, we do our wees and poos in the toilet, like a big girl, and she went mental..
We distracted her and got her happy again, but she didn't go to the toilet or have any accidents.
She continued whinging periodically saying she hurt and holding her vagina, and we tried to ascertain what was wrong but she'd stop crying and be happy.
Anyway, i got abit over it and put a nappy on her after her saying over and over she needed a nappy because she had to poo, so i got a nappy, and then she started screaming and crying again, and seconds later did this HUGE wee in her nappy!!

I honestly have no idea what is going on? how can she seemingly be scarred with toilet training after only 1 day, and she was more than happy to go to the toilet at school, and has been for the past few weeks? (Admittedly she never does anything, but she keeps taking herself there after a wee)

I honestly have no idea what to think, or do!?
Has anyone had this, or have any suggestions on what we could do? :/
i don't want to scar her, but i also want her to know it's OK to do a wee in the toilet and not the nappy!

[Arcadia]

Both my kids have had a fear if letting go (mainly poo) in the toilet. They feel their wee and poo is part of them and are scared to let it out and see it disappear.

The best way I found was to talk about your own toileting a lot, encourage her to look in the toilet after you go and wave bye to wee and poo and flush.

The nappy is a safety thing. Toilets are about feeling the elimination happen. It's a big transition.

[xXHopeXx]

That makes sense arcadia.. i don't understand why she was happy to do it at school today though?
They said she actually did a couple wees on the toilets there today, whereas usually she just has accidents.
DD always follows DH and I into the toilet and asks what we're doing (and we reply wee or poo), but we have never thought to let her see, we'll try that
We also talk about what she has done in her nappy as well, we dont make a big deal or say "yukky poo" but we say whenever any of us poo that it's stinky and have a laugh about it.

This is such foreign territory lol!

[Mum2SweetCs]

Is it because the daycare toilets arent as scary because they are smaller and her feet touches the ground?

I remember dd use to be scared of the big toilets because she always felt she was gonna fall in even when we had a stool for her and those padded seats

[xXHopeXx]

She cant touch the ground on the ones at daycare though they are smaller,
And for months she's been taking off her nappy and taking herself to the toilet at home. Not doing anything as she did it all in her nappy though, so that's why its confusing as to the sudden change?

[chody47]

It's tricky....

Do I have it right in thinking that today was the first day she'd done a wee in the toilet at childcare? If so, I wonder if something about doing it scared her (perhaps the second time?) which is why she didnt want to do it again when she got home?

[xXHopeXx]

It's tricky....

Do I have it right in thinking that today was the first day she'd done a wee in the toilet at childcare? If so, I wonder if something about doing it scared her (perhaps the second time?) which is why she didnt want to do it again when she got home?

Yes today was the first time she'd done a wee at daycare, but she also went onto the toilet when I was there to pick her up and she was more than happy.. she was even happy to sit on the toilet when we got home initially too. It's something about actually *doing* the wee it seems..

toddlers are such fickle things lol..

[Mummy_AllyK]

I know boys and girls are very different when it comes to TT but my son who had flat out refused to TT between 2-3y is a sheep. As soon as he saw other kids (ie his stepsister who is 3 months older than him) using the toilet, it was literally overnight for us at 3.3y. Before that he would cry and scream and have accidents, I thought it would never happen! But we went away for 5 days at New Years, we left him using nappies and came back with him fully TT (day and night). It was bizarre, but I think a lot had to do with trying to be like the others his age.
She probably sees her friends doing it at school so wants to be like them :-) see how you go for a week or two and if its still distressing her, wait a while before trying again, it's frustrating but you'll get there eventually

[Mummy_AllyK]

Also the loos at daycare are kiddie sized, very different to a normal loo or even a potty, keep that in mind too :-)

[black_rose]

Make the toilet a happy place with a favourite picture, make sure its not dark and have a step so it doesn't seem so big and scary.

[xXHopeXx]

Thats true.. but even today she's been happy to sit on any toilet, she's not scared at all.. but she just wont do anything...
I must say she has quite impressive bladder control for a 2.5 yesr old, lol...

[xXHopeXx]

Oh man.. fast forward to tonight.. dd hadnt wee'd since about.. 1pm. She had to wee, she's had plenty of water and liquids and food, she KNEW she had to wee, but she was plain refusing. She'd happily sit on the toilet or potty, hell she'd run there herself! But she would never do anything on there. Come about 7pm she's intermittently crying again, same as last night saying she needs to poo (she seems to have them confused) and holding herself saying it's sore and crossing her legs. She'd sit on the toilet/potty and do nothing but still cry. I tried reading stories, playing games, turning on water to help her go, nothing. She ended up going absolutely MENTAL!!! She was so utterly distressed. Nothing I would do has helped. She went into the bath, still screamed, shower with me, screamed, I showed her how I wee and everything, didnt help. Just kept holding on saying she's scared and needs to poo and it hurts.
I eventually put on a nappy after trying to calm her down every other way, and even then she was still upset. She eventually calmed down and wanted to lie down. She then got up once she heard dh come back from a run and was happy to see him. She then got distracted and let herself wee. She knew it was coming as she was holding herself and let out a bit of a cry and I said it was ok and that was it? She came in and I took off the nappy and showed her the wee and got her to touch it and told her it was a wee, and she seemed happy with that, and off she went?
I am so lost about wtf to do?!?! What have we done so wrong that she is SCARED to wee!!? just... what???

[Mummy_AllyK]

She might have a uti?? Maybe it is honestly hurting her to do a wee so she's avoiding it at all costs? It's easy enough to get them and sometimes you can't see symptoms, I'd rule that out first :-) my little man had one when he got the flu last year, he had no symptoms until we were at the hospital for the flu and he didn't wee for the entire time we were there.

[chody47]

I was wondering about UTI after your first post but thought I was jumping too far ahead. I now def think its a possibility. Get it checked out.

[xXHopeXx]

I thought of a uti as well, but when she has a nappy on she's more than happy to wee and doesnt make a fuss?
I might take her with me to the doc on Monday when I go to get my needle.
DH spoke to daycare and apparently it's really common, you just dont push them to do anything if theyre scared and put the nappy back on. Trouble is she doesnt like the nappy. Lol. But I also dont known what hubby said dd is doing because he hasn't really seen her do it. Only by my description..
Rock and a hard place hey?

[xXHopeXx]

Thought I'd update! 3 months on and she is toilet trained at school! Rarely has an accident, wee's whenever she needs to, and even takes her nappy off after sleep time to go do a wee on the toilet!
At home? Well we haven't been pushing it. We put her in undies, and ask if she wants to sit on the toilet/potty. She always does, just never does anything. She will hold it in til she has a nappy, or inadvertently has an accident (which incidentally she isnt scared of weeing then, she just tells us she's wet or strips off lol)
Tonight however she did a wee on the potty on purpose!! arty: yay!! It was a big wee too! We tried the toilet and she wanted to get off after a while but still kept saying she wanted to wee so.i brought the potty into the lounge and she sat down and within 30 secs or so did a wee!! She looked initially a bit freaked but I kept constantly praising her and saying "yay! Go miss a!!" And she then was all excited!! She got lots of cuddles and high 5s and video called daddy at work to tell him the news!!
Fingers firmly crossed we can continue this now!! Her teachers at daycare reckon that once she's done one wee at home it'll click because she's already pretty much toilet trained there! Hopefully huh?

[chody47]

Yay that's awesome! It truly does just click one day!

[Mummy_AllyK]

Yay Miss A!!!! That is awesome! If she's done it at home, by the time Christmas/New Years is done she'll be well and truly trained and you'll look back and say "it wasn't as bad as I thought" :-)