I met this lady on the internet about 10 years ago...(She lives in Adelaide)We had similar struggles in common.....After her divorce she struggled financially and would contact me about her struggles. I sent her a few shopping vouchers just to help her out.
Now she has come into some money through her divorce and is wanting to move to America. She has to go to the American embassy - either Victoria or NSW..She said that she wants to meet me IRL and she asked me if she could come to see me. She will stay with me for about four days. I told her I have a lot on my plate as I am a part time carer for my mum. I have a chronic illness and am tired a lot. She said that she wants to meet me and probably wont get a chance after she goes to America. She made an apt with the embassy and they told her they ONLY had an early apt at 9.15am. I told her I struggle in the mornings. It would be a one and half hour journey into the city. My DH thinks she could catch a train and find the place herself. I would feel mean in not helping her. I wonder if she is just saying that about the apt so she can get it over and done with. She is a morning person. At the end of the day it's not a good time for her to stay her but I am making this sacrifice for her so she can move to America and start her new life. I don't know if she says she wants to meet me because she genuinely cares about me or I am a free place to stay while she gets her visa an immigration things ready. Is there NOT an American Embassy in Adelaide? I don't know if I have the energy to take her sight seeing and told her I am on call with my mum(my mum is elderly and not well)....We just had a crisis in our family last week (my young BIL was talking about taking his life). He has stayed with us for a few days and is going back home. I have to get the room ready for her...(so lots to do)...I struggle with these feelings of inadequacy and selfishiness I guess. Am I selfish - should I try and put my energy into making her stay here a great experience? Her flight to come here has been booked already.
I really don't think your being selfish.. You should be able to be honest with your friend and tell her it's not a good time for you, she should understand and accept that.
Maybe you could suggest some accommodation close to your house and then maybe when your feeling ok and you have some time you could invite her over to visit?
If I was to be doing this myself I would not expect the other person to accommodate me , i would find my own way around and I certainly wouldn't expect me to take me sightseeing
Just be honest with her any decent person should understand
I'm very skeptical about people on the Internet asking for things
I definitely don't think you're being selfish. You've been open and honest, and personally I do feel like your friend is just using you for the free accommodation. You shouldn't have to put yourself out any more than provide someone for her to stay (You shouldn't even have to do that in all honesty). I agree with your DH and make her catch the train. If she wants to go to America bad enough she'll find her way. Also if she can afford to go to America, then I am sure she can afford to put herself up somewhere in a hotel and just meet with you later in the day to catch up or whatever.
There is no embassy in Adeleide so she is being genuine there but expecting you to be able to go there at 9.15 is unreasonable given that you have airway said its not a good time and you would be going in peak hour traffic, if it was me I would explain you can't go that early and that to get there at that time it would be very hectic so a later time would be more suitable if she wants you to come.
Did she ask for accommodation or did you offer? Travel, yup, she can organise that herself - but honestly, if you offered for her to stay with you, you've made the offer, soooo... and if she asked, and you said, yes, same deal! you've said YES!
you seem to ask a lot of these kinds of questions - questions that are aimed at getting validation for how you feel regarding some perceived problem with family/friends/whoever else. If something is too much for you to take on, stop taking it on!! Don't offer something you can't live up to, don't agree to something you can't do - don't be a martyr and then expect anonymous people on the internet to validate you in your "woe is me" moments! YOU, and only you, can be responsible for your own well being. Take that responsibility and stop asking anonymous strangers to agree that everyone is using you up...
Chin up - your life is yours - you make of it what you will. Time for you to make decisions for yourself and stop playing the victim if/when the decisions you make become a hardship for you
If you didn't invite her stay then no, you are not being selfish. You have more than enough to deal with without having to also accommodate a complete stranger.
I don't think you are being selfish at all. You have done a lot for this person, and it does sound like she only wants to "meet you" so she will have somewhere to stay. As suggested above, by all means recommend her other accommodations, and anything else you wish, but I wouldn't have her stay, or even potentially visit home (also so that you can be the one that calls a visit quits when you've had enough).
hi and thank you for the replies. I didn't offer to have her stay here...she has just assumed that I will offer. I think I will tell her she may have to catch a train to her appt....thanks again...
I don't think you should have her stay with you. I could let her know you're all very run down and life is chaos so she'll need to stay somewhere. And probably staying closer to the city is better due to her early appointment. If she does stay with you then no way do you have to go to her appointment with her too. She's a grown woman moving overseas, she can manage it. Yes, the US embassy generally only makes early morning appointments. They put a bunch of people on one time slot and then you hang around while you get it sorted. They end up with people there for hours so they don't make late appointments.
Personally I would go into the city to see her after her appointment for lunch or something like that. Or have her come and stay a night with you after her appointment.
Go. When you're done with this life and you look back, you'll remember the times you made an effort for, and when you went out, not the times you stayed home.
If I were your friend, I'd be quite happy to catch the train in. It's my appointment, not yours.
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Helping a friend.....am I selfish?
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