DD harrassing cat :-(

[Saffy]

I am at my wits end with DD harrassing our cat, I don't know how to stop it.

We have always shown her how to gently stroke the cat and praised her when she does it, but now she has started pulling her tail any chance she gets, grabbing her fur and ripping her collar off.

I try to supervise and jump on her whenever she is doing something rough, the cat doesn't retaliate, just runs away, but she looks petrified and I don't want her to be scared. I have told DD off in a stern voice but she just laughs, and I try to explain basically that it hurts the cat but obviously she is young and it doesn't sink in yet.

The big issue is there isn't anywhere for the cat to be by herself ie a safe place, we have a fire guard around the heater and the cat goes in there to sit in front of the heater which worked well but now DD is reaching through the bars and grabbing her and the cat is effectively trapped. I need the bedrooms closed off during the day otherwise the house is freezing and all the heating will just leave the living area, so she can't go into the bedrooms. She goes outside but it's freezing and we are having a Reno start in a few days so she won't want to be around that either!

Any tips on getting on top of this?bwhen I google it lots of older kids do it too, I can't deal with this for years, it is stressing me out.

[~TT40~]

I hear you. We got a kitten a few months ago, so it was introduced into the house when Spcok was about 21-22 ish months. She is only now understanding the need to be gentle and kind... She loves her cat with all her heart, but unfortua fly the only way she could express that was to chase and torment and drag it around and carry it in a head lock. Poor thing. It soon learnt to fight back and bites, starting to calm down now that she has a bit, but still gets her (and us).
It's also learnt where to hide and goes outside often, so can escape there.
Is there somewhere high it can sit? Maybe make a little bed nest thing on a high shelf it can climb to that your DD can't reach, so it knows it can escape and have it's own space.
It was a lot of tough love...alot of my yelling 'be gentle!!' And showing her how I pet and cuddle him, but yeah, has (and still is) taking a while to sink in.

[Tinks]

We got a kitten when DD1 was 1 and she was terrible with it. As much as I tried to show her how to be gentle, she just couldn't. The cat is now 14, DD is 15 and nothing has changed. She still won't leave the poor cat alone. We just got a new kitten and she's the same to him too

I should add that she was never nasty to the cat, just loved her so much and wanted her to do what she said.

[AnyDream]

Our cat gets smothered in love, but from very early on DD mastered the concept of gentle. I taught it to her using exaggerated body language & facial expressions - seems to get the message through more than just the words. It's also worth modeling concepts around gentleness & respecting space when the kids are playing with other kids.

We have a tv cabinet (old school, I know) and we've placed it at an angle in a corner of the lounge with just enough of a gap on both sides for the cat to go behind into the triangle shaped space. Cats like triangles . Maybe you could do something similar with a lounge chair. It doesn't need to be a big space, just a hidey hole with an entrance and an exit. We also have our lounge in front of the window so the cat can sit on the window sill in relative P&Q.

[AnyDream]

Also, we have this battery operated toy for DD1 (Furreal), it meows & purrs, and kneads its paws, very cute. It's got its own (real) cat bed & I made it some pretend food in a container, etc. That gave DD an alternative to funnel all that cat adoration into, and is a good redirect tool.

[AnyDream]

Also maybe you could try something like removing the cat (put her in your bedroom for half an hour) as a natural consequence for the unwanted behaviour. It's a win/win - kind of like confiscating a toy, but the cat also gets a half-hour of peace & quiet too. If you've got a cosy cat-nest set up in there, puss shouldn't mind too much .

[Saffy]

Thanks, some good suggestions there. It definately all comes from love, for sure. And the cat does love the attention because she often comes back for more, but I have visions of her tail being pulled out of the socket one day.

I might look into getting a tall cat stand that DD can't climb, that's a good idea TT40, also will brainstorm sectioning off a corner of the room somehow. Our windows are floor to ceiling unfortunately so no window sills, but our front porch can be DD proof, even though it's cold at least the afternoon sun comes in.

[kateo]

I sometimes have the same problems with my DS and our little Cairn Terrorist.
For some reason he cottoned onto treating the blue heeler gently but due to the CT running he gets chased!
We have a dog door to the back yard and the little dog escapes out there. Unfortunately DS often follows through the door as the heeler needs a big door. By the time DS has got through the door the CT has made a fair run for it so he's usually safe. Some days I find myself on a loop of "be nice to Bertie as well as Fleegle" and demo'ing gentle pats and cuddles with a very worried smaller dog. Oddly same small dog often chooses to sleep in DS's room at night....go figure!
If I had a cat who needed to escape I'd fit a cat door to the door of one of the bedrooms as they are closed in the daytime. I have also put the Ct's crate in the living room when it wa at it' worst and he could escape into that.

[meow]

We have just had cat safe spaces to get through these periods when the kids are little. the cat needs spaces to get away. We have a tall TV cabinet the cat spends a lot of time on... anything high up you have like that, look for a way to make it accessible to the cat. We also use baby gates to section off where the cat's litter and food is (laundry or whatever- we've moved a few times so it changes) and the cat can get away in that space too.

[Saffy]

So I ended up putting the cat into our bedroom tonight after DD briefly mauled her, she's still in there! I locked her in until DD went to bed, Dd went nuts and was trying to look under the bedroom door and started crying but was easily distracted. Might try this tactic at nights, if DD is going to not like it might be a winner.
I fashioned a high up sitting area for the cat but so far she hasn't embraced it lol, fusspot!

[Joeve]

DD plays nicely with our cat and the two of them hang out together. Although a few weeks back DD started making mwahhh sounds and kissing the cat which was kind of cute until she started kissing the cat with an ending of biting a mouthful of fur out... Eeek.
Our cat does get up on her scratching tower thing if DD gets too in her face so that might be a winner!

[AnyDream]

Oh yeah, meow's post reminded me that at one point when DD was very small and grabby, we had a baby gate across one our doorways. The cat could squeeze through when she needed to, so that worked well.

[Marley&Me]

I was just going to suggest a baby gate! My dd gets overexcited about our dog. She likes to pull his fur out and bury her face (which is covered in drool) in his coat so her face is also covered in his coat She also headbutts him, kinda like a bulldozer! We just try the whole 'gentle' thing. But our dog has a crate cage which he loves so we can lock it and he's safe inside form dd

[kateo]

It just occurred to me that so much of what you read elsewhere is stuff about how to keep your babies/toddlers safe from cats and dogs and how dangerous they can be...........this whole thread is more about how to keep your poor pets safe from toddlers!

[Joeve]

It just occurred to me that so much of what you read elsewhere is stuff about how to keep your babies/toddlers safe from cats and dogs and how dangerous they can be...........this whole thread is more about how to keep your poor pets safe from toddlers!

Hilarious!!!

[LionsandBears]

Can you use a baby fence/playpen to create a space for the cat, perhaps with a cat jungle gym in it. That was she has her safe place.

One of the ways of keeping kids safe from pets is for them both to have their own safe places to retreat to.

[kateo]

I have taught DS to let the horses have their own space. He knows he's not allowed in the paddock or stable/box if horses are loose and not allowed near a tied horse unless he's with an adult. He's great about it. I had three tied up for the farrier yesterday and he trundled up and down HIS side of the fence handing out small bits of hay he'd collected from the feed-room floor. This was delivered in a bucket which is safer than fingers.
It's so good for the horses manners as they have to wait their turn for their hay and DS knows not to feed a horse who is messing about or pawing the ground.
As for his pony he likes to cuddle him a lot and does a great job grooming. He follows the safety rules well with him too.
I guess most of our dog/cat/horse rules are really to prevent him getting scratched bitten or kicked...........