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Won't fall asleep on his own
I'm just wondering why my 3 months old baby won't fall asleep on his own when he is sleepy (taking naps)? when he gets sleepy he becomes fussy, agitated and he cries a lot. I didn't master the art of "putting him to sleep yet" so I need to maneuver and do everything in my power to put him to bed, he won't go sleep easily. If he is sleepy why won't he just close his eyes and falls asleep?
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Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
Because he's still too young to know how to put himself to sleep. Kids naturally start learning to put themselves to sleep between 1.5-2 years old (some later, some earlier, every kid is different). Until then they need some help dozing off.
Babies before that generally fall asleep at the boob or the bottle, or some with a dummy.
Self settling is a developmental leap like crawling, walking, etc and will happen when the baby is ready.
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
He's just a normal human baby. We're not designed to sleep alone, we're hard-wired to seek out physical intimacy and need help to settle and sleep. It's ok to just go with that, hold him, feed him, cuddle him, wear him, whatever works. In time - and looking back you'll see it isn't long at all, though it will feel like it when you're in the thick of it - he'll learn to do it on his own.
But it's normal for kids to need help to sleep till at least school age. It won't always be like this, gradually you'll shift toward books, cuddle, kiss good night. It's all the same thing, though, parenting to sleep is normal for our children.
The art of putting babies to sleep is feeding, cuddling, etc.
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Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
Thank you
Registered User
Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
You may find that by the time you are putting him down to sleep, he is already overtired and once that happens babies tend to get even harder to get to sleep.
It's a bit of an art form to catch them when they're tired, but not overtired. It comes with experience and practice.
Having said that, some babies can do it, and some can't. 3 months is still pretty young, but DS2 was doing it by then, will DS2 started around 4 months.
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Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
3 months is probably the earliest to start self settling methods. Bare in mind it is a slow and gradual process and persistence is the key. I would suggest wrapping or swaddling him if you don't already do this. I used to roll my dd slightly to one side and rub or pat her back gently. Or I would pat her bottom too. Try and face him away from you so he doesn't get stimulated by your face. Some babies get more worked up when they see their mothers. I continued this until she was asleep for the first week. Then after that I would rub/pat until she was almost asleep. I let the patting get softer and softer and then when she was about to fall into sleep I would creep out. It didn't always work, but after a few weeks she was getting to sleep quicker and easier. It does take time so be patient. Every baby is different, so if you have no luck just do whatever you need to get him off to sleep. As others have said, eventually he will get it on his own. good luck
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Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
What are the signs of tiredness? so far he started to scab his eyes when he is sleepy but that doesn't happen a lot, he also cries with closed eyes and that's when I know it's time for bed. the obvious signs are when he gets agitated and that's when I'm too late. other than that I have no idea.
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Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
How many weeks it took you to teach her to fall asleep? we started a routine, a bath first, a story from dad and then sleep. it can take me up to an hour for him to fall asleep. he also doesn't nap easily. and if he naps it's not for long.3 months is probably the earliest to start self settling methods. Bare in mind it is a slow and gradual process and persistence is the key. I would suggest wrapping or swaddling him if you don't already do this. I used to roll my dd slightly to one side and rub or pat her back gently. Or I would pat her bottom too. Try and face him away from you so he doesn't get stimulated by your face. Some babies get more worked up when they see their mothers. I continued this until she was asleep for the first week. Then after that I would rub/pat until she was almost asleep. I let the patting get softer and softer and then when she was about to fall into sleep I would creep out. It didn't always work, but after a few weeks she was getting to sleep quicker and easier. It does take time so be patient. Every baby is different, so if you have no luck just do whatever you need to get him off to sleep. As others have said, eventually he will get it on his own. good luck
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Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
Check the QEC sleep school in noble park website. They have some audio files that are interesting to listen to. I found them helpful. I don't do everything that way. But it helped.
Tired signs for my bub include
Red eyebrows (I learnt that one at mothers group!)
Starting to vocalize more and with a more forceful eh eh kind of sound
Her arms and legs get a bit flappy too.
Sometimes she looks so very we'd awake. But I know she's tired somehow. I never used to. But it gets easier to recognize.
It's hard work watching and listening to the cry and distress. I just wish she would sleep sometimes cause it feels awful.
Also they have times when the sleep might get worse for a while. Around four months for example. It can take a while. But it goes get better xox
2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
Your bub is very young and very much needs you close to fall asleep. It's vital for secure attachment and bonding IMO. Checkout Evolutionary Parenting's webpage as well as Pinky McKay and Janet Lamsbury.
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Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
It can take a long time for babies/children to learn to fall asleep by themselves. My DS is ok at it - I can give him a feed, put him down drowsy, and he'll nod off with me patting his bum or rocking the hammock. But he's 13 months old.
My DD is 3.5 and tells me she doesn't know how to make herself go to sleep. So at night we do dinner, bath, movie/quiet playing, then brush teeth and off to bed where Daddy reads stories until she's asleep. It's kind of nice hearing her side of it. Once we were on the nursery and she was playing in the cot, I told her when DS is big enough he'll sleep there (until 2 nights ago he slept in my room). She looked at me with an expression of complete shock. So I told her that before she was in her big girl room, she slept in mummy and daddys room, then in this cot. She said "but babies don't like to sleep by themselves!"
So I just look at it from their side. They need a bit of help, and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't take long. Before I know it DS will go to sleep with stories, and one day we'll just kiss them both goodnight and they'll go to sleep by themselves.
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
Mate, it can take years. Pushing it can damage your bond, and a strong, secure attachment between you and your baby is the single most important thing for your child's development. In comparison, the way your baby sleeps doesn't matter at all.
Do you use a sling or baby carrier? If not, get a good one and wear him through the day, it's the easier way to cuddle and keep them close. Feed him to sleep, cuddle him, lie down next to him on the bed, whatever works best for him and is least effort for you. It will all change with time.
Registered User
Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
My DS did no sleep cues at all. Not as a baby, a toddler, or a child. He just doesn't do sleep.
Took 4 years before he went to sleep alone. He's almost 8 now and still struggles some nights, sometimes we still cosleep. He is one of the most loving and secure children I know, and has complete trust in me. It is more than worth it. I know it didn't completely help when I was surviving on 2hrs sleep a night, but tbh it was what got me through it.
I found evidence based parenting advice helpful, not anecdotal or downright bullying, so The Science of Parenting is still my go to book when I need reminding why love is more important than sleeping alone.
2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
This...Put perfectly!
2014 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
I've got the very same book next to me CPPM! Lol!
I'm wondering if you might be feeling the need for some time to yourself? Time to recharge and have a break from bubs perhaps?
We all need it. I find its essential otherwise I would be yelling and being a grumpy critical mumma and partner ALL the time.
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
Oh, and the best way to learn your baby's cues is to stay close, lots of skin to skin contact, cuddles, look him in the eyes, talk to him. It's like a dance you're both still learning the steps to. Keep him close, learn his language, and you'll get it. Often when you stay like this, baby just gets it, will sleep when they need to, in your arms, next to you in bed, in the sling, and you don't need to worry at all about 'getting him to sleep' because he will just do it with you there.
Registered User
Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
But why can't the fall asleep by themselves? I understand it's something they need to learn how to do, if you look at animals they don't have those problems, if we were to live in nature how is beneficial for us?
What your daughter said really touched me! thanks for telling me that story, helps to keep fighting for my son even if it's hard and I'm dead tired.
Registered User
Re: Won't fall asleep on his own
If I put in the carrier when he is sleepy how will he learn to fall asleep on his own? are you sure it's a mater of time and age?
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