I feel like the worst mother ever!!

[Marlene]

I am really embarassed to type this, and it is bringing tears to my eyes, but I just have to tell someone (haven't even told DH).

My darling little man has pretty much been a perfect baby since birth, but lately has only been having little cat naps during the day and I have been getting really frustrated as I can't seem to get much done around the house. Although the logic side of my brain tells me this is totally normal and he is just going through a growth spurt I can't help but get frustrated. Anyway yesterday I was trying to get him to sleep and was rocking him and bouncing him and he just kept crying (I think he is also teething). I was getting really upset and I yelled REALLY loudly, "Just SHUTUP". He instantly stopped crying, stiffened up, looked my right in the eye and then started screaming. I kissed him and kissed him and kissed him, leaving us both covered in tears, he stopped crying with the kisses and went to sleep..I feel so bad...what sort of mother yells at a baby that is not even 4 months old????

Last night a couple of hours after he went to bed he let out a blood-curdling scream, by the time I got to his room (and I sprinted, LOL) he was laying there peacefully asleep. Do you think he could have had a bad dream about me yelling at him?

Oh god, now I am a blubbering mess again.

The funny thing is after all that stress and thinking he will never sleep properly in the day again he has been asleep for 2 hours so far today and is still asleep. I have read a lot of posts on BB about babies and the problems people have with sleep, and in comparison Jack is an excellent sleeper which makes me feel even more pathetic for not being able to handle a couple of weeks of less sleep.

[Heaven]

Marlene, I don't think you're a bad mother at all. I think that's perfectly normal, you were really frustrated the fact that you felt so bad about it after shows me that you are a great and caring mother who was just under a lot of pressure at the time. Perfectly normal I reckon

[Dasharity]

Oh love to you, you are not a bad mother, sleep deprivation and stress can get to you on a total different leval and some times you just cant rationalize.
what do you do when he wakes and cris during the day?, may be you could leave him for a while and see if he will self settle, I went through this with ds1 for about ten weeks and it is a really tough thing to try and deal with, do you have anyone that can come and help you during the day and give you a little break.
Have you tierd to give him a bit of something for pain if you think his teeth are hurting? it may help
Thing will get better and it is not forever.

[MantaRay]

Big hugs Marlene. Please let go of that guilt. You are not a bad mother at all. I can guarantee you that every one of us has done something like that at some point. It is NORMAL. You are normal and a great mum. Go and have a nice cup of tea or something to make you feel better. You deserve it.

[Marlene]

Thanks girls.

Dasharity, he usually does self settle pretty well, just doesn't stay asleep for long.
And really he doesn't cry very often when going to sleep, just gets grizzly a lot during the day because he is not sleeping long enough. I think it all just got on top of me as he is not sleeping fully through the night yet and I am getting tired. I feel much better now that I have got it out.

Thanks MantaRay. Going to feed my precious boy now as he just woke up.

[Willow]

Been there, done that. I'm sure we all have at some point. Had a moment like that just this afternoon. Which is why I'm sitting here on BB crying. It is the single most frustrating thing I have ever experienced in my life.

But I've stopped beating myself up over it. I'm only human and if I didn't have these brain snaps every once in a while I'm sure I'd explode.

[aussienic]

been there done that, Felt horrible too.. But they don't remember so we need to let go of the guilt..

[kirsty_lee]

Darlin, you are NOT a bad mother... I think many if not all of us have been there at some point. Your only human, there is only so much you can take ya know... :hugs: to you darlin and remember your a GREAT mother..and if you weren't you wouldn't be posting in here feeling bad kwim?

[Beach Mama]

Oooh hun You are soooo not a bad mother - sorry to say, the ones who do that all the time and don't feel bad might be much worse! I've done it too and just the other day Isabelle bit me which made me yell "no don't do that" REALLY loud at her, made her look at me and cry then I cried too because my arm was killing me and I felt so bad for yelling so loud and so she came to give me a cuddle and even patted me on the arm and said "shhh shhhh". I think she knew I was sorry for yelling. Don't beat yourself up hun, you are not pathetic and just because he is generally a good sleeper(Iz is too) doesn't make the times they don't sleep well any easier. You are doing a brilliant job, try to get DH or someone else to watch bub for even half an hour so you can have some time out for yourself.

[Schmickers]

Well, I've done worse than that, and I work in the field. Don't worry too much about it. Lack of sleep and the pressures of having a completely dependent baby get to all of us.

As far as the dreaming goes, I would have to say no, not at 4 months of age. I don't think he'd be dreaming of anything much at all, and I certainly think it would be highly unlikely he'd be dreaming of your mini-meltdown.

[kirsty_lee]

Yeah i'd have to agree with schmick... Ava-Jayde screams in the middle of the night too, and i get up just like you and screams and when i get there she is fast asleep LOL dp reckons all baby's dream of is boobies LOL

[queenbee]

Marlene, you are not a bad mother at all! I have also done that once to my DD. I was really sleep deprived and also had things to do around the house. It gets so much better as they get older though, my DD now sleeps more solid through the day. I had a little smile to myself when I read your post because it's so normal to get frustrated. But I did it too once and my DD totally stiffened and looked at me in such amazement and then screamed her lungs out. I felt so awful!!!! So I know what you are going through. At least you acknowledge you yelled at him! Some Mums wouldn't even care. You sound like a good Mum, I hope it gets better soon, hugs to you

[Muffy]

oh hun, it made tears come to my eyes as i have done the same thing (not only once either)
you are not a bad mother, lack of sleep and frustration sometimes creep up on you like that.....

[Nelle]

I reckon that good parenting isn't about being perfect - it's about the way you act when you make a mistake. Sounds like you made things right to me.

We all get pushed to the limit. As my kids grow, I'm slooowly learning ways to keep myself calm, but I still crack sometimes. Never mind. I pick them up, say sorry, have a cuddle, sing them a song til I'm sure they're happy. And we move on. No-one's perfect. Your example of making mistakes and apologising will give your kids the freedom and space to make mistakes and then the inspiration to seek forgiveness and make things right.

(speaking of worst mother ever, my kiddo got a good headstart up the middle of our busy road yesterday (while I was playing computer games) before dh sprinted after him and caught him! Yikes. We all have moments of non-brillance)

[Marlene]

Thankyou all so much for your wonderful support, I really love it here at BellyBelly and I don't know what I would do without all you lovely gals and guys to vent to.
I really, really appreciate it.

[Haydies]

As soon as I read what you did, I nodded. I also own the "been there, done that" T-Shirt. The look they give you is enough to break your heart right in two isn't it? I agree that being a good parent isn't about being perfect, but how you react when you do hit a bit of a speed hump. By kissing, cuddling and making your little one feel so loved after the bump - makes you a great parent!

[mbear]

I heard something on the radio the other day. Parents who wonder if they are good enough parents are often the ones that are good enough.......i thinks you might fit into that category.....

[Willow]

Parents who wonder if they are good enough parents are often the ones that are good enough...

Well jeez, I must be brilliant then!