Reply With QuoteThat is exactly right Kell, I am with you 110% on that one. I am sick to death of these studies. It makes good mothers become paranoid like they aren't doing a good job...
♥ BellyBelly's Creator ♥
Many Australians Unfit to be Parents
Of course some parents have no idea... there is no village... and who do they learn parenting from? Days of Our Lives? There is not anywhere near enough support for new families. Makes me so mad that they make it sound like its the parents fault.Many Australians 'unfit to be parents'
Article from: AAP
September 28, 2008 02:47am
A CHILD health expert says 20 per cent of Australian parents are unfit to raise children because they lack the means or life skills.
Professor Fiona Stanley says many others don't devote enough time to their children because of job commitments,
The Sunday Telegraph reports Professor Stanley, an adviser to Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and former Australian of the Year, has also criticised the government's paid parental leave policies.
She's warned that a national campaign is needed to protect the futures of Australian children.
"There are a worrying number of threats to children's health in today's society," Prof Stanley, founder of the Institute for Child Health Research, said.
"If we don't respond to these challenges, we will be looking at our generation as being the last generation that lives longer than its parents."
Mental illness, obesity, asthma and substance abuse are the biggest health risks for Australian children, Prof Stanley said.
But cultural changes of the past 30 years are having just as big an impact.
"There have been incredible changes in the workplace, which might have been good for people's income, but are not good for parenting," she said.
"You've got more hours of work, more women working - but without men or the business world or government coming forward with good childcare.
"So who's responsible for the children when a high proportion of women are working? That's been very detrimental to children."
She said paid parental leave is crucial.
A draft report for the Productivity Commission's inquiry into paid parental leave will be released tomorrow.
Prof Stanley said up to one in five parents are financially and socially ill-equipped for child-rearing.
"There's this increasing group of parents who are just not making ends meet," she said.
"They don't have the capacity to be a parent."
Kelly xx
Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
That is exactly right Kell, I am with you 110% on that one. I am sick to death of these studies. It makes good mothers become paranoid like they aren't doing a good job...
Registered User
there's so much expectation for people to be able to do it all, hold it all together, and be perfect - and a lot of it comes from within when you see these super-parents on the TV and stuff. realistically, you need help. you need physical and emotional support - and sometimes it's damn hard to ask for it!
Of course it's hard to ask for it with articles like that!!! Asking for help means your admiting your not super mum/ dad
Registered User
ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
enough said
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
Stand down ladies! This is only a portion of the article, I read it this weekend in its entireity and I have to agree totally.
I will see if I can find the rest of it, but it isn't talking about you guys. They are talking about the kinds of parents that put coke in baby bottles, have several children by several men, barely look after them and keep having more. The 'mothers' that dress their barely blossoming teen daughters in clothes that literally show their pubic bones, the absent fathers, the women that turn up drunk in labour. The child abusers, the users, the ones that scream at their own children like dogs and makes my skin crawl.
Thats what they were on about anyway.......
**This is my opinion and my opinion alone. It is not meant to upset or anger anyone, and if it does I apologize in advance**
For me I feel it's not a case of admitting you're not super mum/dad, but more a case of admitting you're not a capable parent as this study suggests. Unfortunately working is a necessary evil for 99.9% of families and yes this means children do miss out on precious time with their parents. Personally I feel while yes it is important to be there, there can also be life lessons for your children from being apart of a working family. You value time together, learn to make time for others and make it quality time. I'm going to tafe (part time) next year to better my education and show my son you have to work hard to have nice things. I feel since the price of everything is going up and forcing more people into the workforce who originally would of been a stay at home parent, that more quality childcare should be invested in and with harsher penalties on childcare workers that do the wrong thing (eg striking a child purely for being difficult).
Getting off my soap box now
Moderator
I think that this article is a beter representation of the points that she is trying to make.
Rescuing a lost generation
Article from: Sunday Herald Sun
Evonne Barry
September 28, 2008 12:00am
AUSTRALIA is failing its children as obesity and mental illness rise to crisis levels. Child-health expert Prof Fiona Stanley tells Evonne Barry parents must put their children first.
PROF Fiona Stanley is feeling nostalgic – for Australia’s polio epidemic.
The viral disease that killed and crippled thousands of people in the 1950s is beginning to look like small fry, fears the 2003 Australian of the Year.
Even scarier, she says, is the complex set of problems facing today’s children, including mental illness, obesity, diabetes, allergies and substance abuse.
“This is going to sound a bit flippant, but give me a polio any day,” said Prof Stanley, an internationally renowned child-health expert. “Get the vaccine, give the vaccine, polio gone.
"Suicide and mental health? Complex. Diabetes, obesity? Complex. Smoking and alcohol in kids? Complex. It’s not as if you can get the bug, get the vaccine and it’s the end of the story.
“These problems are complex and they are often caused by long-standing risks that have gone over a generation or two in families. We will not fix these quickly.”
While the extent of them is up for debate, nobody denies the problems worrying Prof Stanley.
She is hoping to spark a national debate about the issue.
Study after study has revealed Australians are getting fatter, with one in four children estimated to be overweight or obese.
Alcohol is compounding the concern, with a third of teenagers binge drinking regularly.
So, too, is mental illness, with one in five children suffering some form of depression before they reach adulthood.
Add increasing rates of type-two diabetes and asthma and the scale of what Prof Stanley calls “modernity’s paradox” becomes clear.
“In spite of this incredible wealth creation, and also our knowledge about children’s development – we know a lot about health and how to get it – why are we doing so badly?” Prof Stanley asked.
“There are a worrying number of threats to children’s health in today’s society and they are worrying from a lot of viewpoints.
“They are worrying because they are very burdensome and many of them are increasing . . . they are worrying because, on the whole, they are getting more complex and occurring at younger ages.
“But if you look at the overall trend in many problems, they are actually showing no improvement. Some of them are getting dramatically worse.
“It’s the paradox of modern society . . . and I want people to ask, ‘Why? Why is this happening?’”
Prof Stanley, named a “national living treasure” four years ago, doesn’t pretend to have answers.
But she says the questions apply across the board.
At one end of the spectrum, the founder of Australia’s Institute for Child Health Research sees poorer parents struggling to provide the basics for their children.
“There’s this increasing group of parents who are just not making ends meet,” she said.
“They don’t have the capacity to be a parent. That may be as high as 20 per cent of the population, when you add in Aboriginal (people) and the most disadvantaged.
“There’s a lot of people who are going to find it difficult to parent.”
Children at the other extreme are missing out, too.
She said the “frenetic” pace of 21st century living, and parents who make work and wealth their priorities, were damaging children.
“We live in an excessively consuming society and that’s really negative,” she said.
“But children don’t actually need a lot. What they need is their parents’ love. They need a roof over their head. They are as happy in the saucepan cupboard as they are with the most expensive educational toy, especially if there’s someone on the floor talking to them about it.”
Prof Stanley said long working hours were costing children.
“We know what’s good for child development and health and wellbeing and that is loving parents who are knowledgeable about children and their development and who have enough resources. And by that I mean time, as well as money,” she said.
“We can’t put the clock back to the 1950s when family was the centre of everything ... but we need to change.”
But the buck didn’t stop with parents, Prof Stanley said. Business and government were as much to blame for the flagging prospects of Aussie children.
“It’s hard to evaluate how much Australia values its children,” she said. “But I think when we’re one of the few OECD countries that doesn’t give universal paid parental leave, what’s that saying about parenting? We don’t care? We don’t care about parents? We’re not going to allow them to have leave so they can actually be a parent?
“The most important job they may ever do in their entire lives and we don’t even let them do that and support them?”
Prof Stanley regularly travels around Australia, from capital cities to the most remote Aboriginal communities, promoting her cause.
A prime ministerial adviser, she will appear in an ABC documentary called Risking Our Kids that will screen on October 7.
But later this year, Prof Stanley’s professional concerns will become personal – when she becomes a grandmother for the first time.
Her daughter Hallie, the oldest of two children with her husband, Prof Geoffrey Shellam, is due
to have a baby in December.
“If we don’t respond to these challenges and start to really seriously address them across the whole nation, in every state and territory – across the whole world really – then we will be looking at our generation, my generation, as the last generation that lives longer than its parents,” Prof
Stanley said.
TWIN AIMS
Bradley and Jackson Robb, 10
RAISING twins is all about family for single mother Toni Robb.
“Their dad passed away when the boys were three, so it’s been hard,” Toni says.
“The milestones, such as birthdays and first days at school, are emotional times.
“But I’m lucky to have a lot of family support. I have brothers and brothers-in-law who are very good male role models.”
Sport is another big influence in the lives of Bradley and Jackson, who won their first football grand final this season.
But even footy has presented its problems, admits Toni, a childcare worker.
“All that stuff with Ben Cousins last year was tough to explain.”
ACTING TALENT
Helet Kalay, 9
THE teens are the danger period for child-rearing, mother-of-two Tisge Abarha believes.
“That’s when it gets stressful because you don’t know what your kids will be exposed to,” she says. “My kids do a lot of different activities.”
Helet is doing the school holiday program at the Kensington Community Recreation Centre – and she is a budding actor.
The grade 4 student at Williamstown Primary has scored a role in the Nicolas Cage movie, Knowing, being filmed in Melbourne.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Rona Lim, 8
NENA Parinas makes good nutrition a priority for her children, Rona, 8, and Jarrod, 10. Despite her children’s good health and waistlines, Nena says the obesity crisis was no surprise.
“When we were kids we didn’t know meat pies and fried chips, but now that kind of food is everywhere,” she says.
“Even as a full-time working mum I make dinner every night. It’s important. But I don’t blame the parents who can’t.”
Nena, an accountant, says the years of innocence in childhood are fewer now.
“You have to start talking about sex and violence and things like that earlier.”
JUNK FOOD BAN
Victoria Waid, 10
SWIMMING, Girl Guides, music and karate are all in the mix for active grade 5 student Victoria Waid.
“We encourage all of our children to get involved in things outside of school,” Saville Waid says.
“It gives them the ability to make decisions later in life.”
As a GP and father of four, Dr Waid has additional insight into the current generation of children.
“Exposure to junk food is a problem, but we’re lucky that there is an emphasis on sport and activity in Australia,” he says.
TOP 10 PARENTING TIPS
1 Spend time with your children
(apart from watching TV).
2 Be consistent. Follow through
with your rules and punishment.
3 Set appropriate boundaries, such
as curfews and TV viewing times
– and stick to them.
4 Monitor internet use and TV
viewing, especially with younger
children.
5 Be a parent, not a best friend.
6 Remember knowledge does
not equal emotional intelligence.
Today’s children have access
to more information than past
generations, but do not assume
they are any wiser.
7 Hug and praise your children
often.
8 Pick your battles and do not
sweat on the small stuff.
9 Remember you are your
children’s most powerful and
influential role model.
10 Try your best, but don’t expect
to be a perfect parent.
Relationships Australia
counsellor Michael Muldoon.
source
Lulu2- Sorry I was typing when you posted.
BTW I'm not having a go at childcare workers just the very small minority that do the wrong thing. I mean I'm going to tafe to become one!
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
Good one Dach, I could only find the short version.
♥ BellyBelly's Creator ♥
I agree with this bit:
TOP 10 PARENTING TIPS
1 Spend time with your children (apart from watching TV).
2 Be consistent. Follow through with your rules and punishment.
3 Set appropriate boundaries, such as curfews and TV viewing times – and stick to them.
4 Monitor internet use and TV viewing, especially with younger children.
5 Be a parent, not a best friend.
6 Remember knowledge does not equal emotional intelligence. Today’s children have access to more information than past generations, but do not assume they are any wiser.
7 Hug and praise your children often.
8 Pick your battles and do not sweat on the small stuff.
9 Remember you are your children’s most powerful and influential role model.
10 Try your best, but don’t expect to be a perfect parent.
Relationships Australia
counsellor Michael Muldoon.
Kelly xx
Registered User
Oh wow, it ****ing sucks taking a quite from Lu knowing she'd not going to see my response
But I totally agree, it's not about anyone that would be on BB, because BB is a place to seek help, support, advice and guidance. The 20% are more likely the ones who has DHS taking their children away.
BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
"You've got more hours of work, more women working - but without men or the business world or government coming forward with good childcare."
i agree
Registered User
I tend to ignore articles like this.
I can be VERY judgemental at times. My cousin wants a baby and ended up falling pregnant to someone who hid 2 previous kids to two separate people from her. She is a smart girl but to me she just wanted a baby to say she has one. She is going back to work before the baby is 6 weeks old. I feel sorry for it before it even born.
However, it took me a long time to realize how much love I had for my dd and how good a job I was doing as a mum to get shot down by articles like this.
I believe everything I do for my dd is great.
When I developed panic disorder I checked myself into a psych ward, firstly so she as a child did not have to see what was happening to me and secondly to get better because I needed her and she needs me.
I work part time because I believe in the benefits that child care has had on her learning and socialization and my time out means I appreciate her so much more. However, spending time with her is also so much more important to me than money. I can't take back time I missed.
I both breast and formula fed and do not for 1 minute feel guilty for giving her formula. I felt better knowing she was full rather than still hungry after whatever she Did get from the breast. Many of us grew up fine on just formula!
She is a tantrum, attention seeking child who probably gets too much and we are working on that but she is also a leader to other children, she is so smart and so compassionate, if anyone is upset she will be there for a hug. She is happy and healthy.
It is for US and us only to decide if we are doing a good job. And yes the extract reads very differently to the full article.
We aren't financially well off but there are more important things.
Don't let anyone tell you you are doing a bad job if you know you are doing a great one
I was told I'd never be able to foster because of past abuse in my family..... I'm likely to be one too. How dare they!!!!
But point is- no one knows your family so they can't judge. For all I know my dd may end up a binge drinker. I will put that down to current social norms and peer pressure and deal with it my way. I don't drink and she certainly isn't picking that up from us but that doesn't mean she won't do it and it won't necessarily be our fault ...... Unless we choose to ignore it.
If you take nothing else from the article....... While 20% are unfit parents that leaves 80% of us who are GREAT parents
Registered User
me too - i see this as an article about changing demographics, where the danger is that kids get left behind in all the stress of our busy lifestyles
i think it was well-written and that the author had some interesting things to say.
for me, this sums it up:
"There have been incredible changes in the workplace, which might have been good for people's income, but are not good for parenting," she said.
"You've got more hours of work, more women working - but without men or the business world or government coming forward with good childcare.
it's not about women working, or anyone in particular being bad mothers, for me it's about the new wave of childhood diseases that are a sign of the time
(and a sign of us all being busier these days).
thanks for the article, food for thought.
my $0.02
Registered User
I think it's safe to say Fiona Stanley is firmly in the corner of parents and families... All of them. I think the first article misrepresented her. She herself is a working mother and not saying it's wrong. She questions how we ended up in a society where people need to work longer and longer just to make ends meet.
Supporting a paid parental leave system is about helping working parents nit judging them.
Highlighting the loss of community and parenting skills in many new parents is not about judging either. Fiona Stanley is a firm believer of good beginnings and healthy childhoods bettering society as a whole and wants to see a change in they way our government works to make children healthier and happier.
She is an inspiring, wise woman in my opinion. And these are some of the big issues facing our society.
Registered User
I agree with bits of everyones comments.
Food for thought:
Feminists fought/fight for womens rights to work (and equal pay) education etc. Feminism turned the tables on the "oppressed" typical stay at home mum attitude. Now we are complaining about having to work?
I don't agree or disagree it's just food for thought- plz don't hold it against me.
Also, 40 years ago we fought for the 8 hour working day, in a time where the working hours were 12-14 hours a day maybe longer. We are now asking to work less again? I wonder if mums in the workforce play a role in the fact that men now work less hours, so they are home to eat dinner with their family?
We fight for parental leave but scream blue murder at higher taxes...... The money has to come from somewhere.
I don't know, we are a lucky country to have the conditions we do and we are never going to be truly happy with what we do have. It's unfortunate that the cost of living is so high and many families live at the poverty line.
I find it hard to get a set opinion because of the above, I like to see both sides but then can never agree on either side.
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