Have you had two kids close together and then an decent gap for the next?

**Arimeh** · January 16th, 2009, 03:19 PM

Like the title says.. I'm umming and ahhing about when to ttc the next one. Its been a bit ... difficult... to deal with DS and DD being the age difference that they are, mostly because DS is quite a difficult toddler and isn't that independent - still likes to be carried around shops etc...

So our original plan was to ttc in June - have all kids close together cos we only want 3 and I didn't want a huge age gap. My brother and sister are both 7 years and 4.5 years older than me, and it sucked growing up cos I was left out of everything.

But since it is difficult... if we try again, DS would have only just turned 3.. and DD would be around 19 months.... not sure if I could do it - especially if he still wants to be carried around at 3!!

So i've been contemplating leaving it for a few years... and having another when DD is 3.. so DS would be 4.5 and nearly at school....

But I dunno... I'm getting old..er........ and though I fell pregnant really easy with these two... might not the next time around..

Dunno.. dunno. DUNNO... someone just tell me what to do!!!!

**Inanna** · January 16th, 2009, 03:26 PM

Family planning is challenging Mel

My DD13 was nearly 6 when DS8 was born. Then he was 2 when DD6 was born and she was 15 months when DD4 was born. And DD4 was 3.5 when Imogen was born...!

I must say the gap is lovely - mainly due to her dramatic entrance Imogen is a princess in our home. All the kids just dote on her - she says peep and it's all hands on deck!

Having the 3 close together was fine for me too. I really really enjoyed it - but I don't get too stressed about much - and I have been fortunate to be healthy after each birth (we won't talk about after Immmy!

).

I have no extended family support - but a great network of friends. However, it was hard work physically - I would do it all again in a heartbeat!

**briggsy's girl** · January 16th, 2009, 03:31 PM

wouldn't it be nice if someone could answer for us?

ultimately, you have to work out what is going to work in your circs - you want three kids, know that DS is high maintenance - do you think age will change that? or do you think, to some degree, he's always going to be higher maintenance (thinking of my bro's boy here! he's almost seven and still higher maintenance than his four year old sister). do you think it will be easier for him (and you) to cope with the addition of another baby at an older or younger age. from what i have gathered from family, they ones with kids all together, unless there is a HUGE gap (like 6 or more years) cope better. the younger kids are younger together, and play better without that gap. the only ones that have been really happy with bigger gap are the ones that had two, had a few years gap (four or five) and then had another two close together...

**LaDeeDa** · January 16th, 2009, 03:38 PM

Mel I obviously have no experience in this but it's funny you've posted this today as I was having this chat this morning.
My GF has just had her 3rd 6 weeks ago which gives her a 3yo, 21mth old(?) and a 6 week old.

The eldest is quite demanding and high maintenance and she was here this morning having a coffee while the elder 2 were at daycare (she has gotten to the point where she is sending them one day a week as they are both so full on) and she actually said to me that whilst she loves all 3 of her kids and wouldn't change them for the world she wishes she had waited a little longer as she is having big probs even with BF'ing Cody as there is always one throwing a tanty or demanding something when she is trying to feed and the middle child has also worked out that Mummy can't get up and deal with her behaviour whilst BF'ing and uses that time to cause whatever mischief she can

I think that close age gaps are great - but really hard work for mum......

**Trillian** · January 16th, 2009, 03:45 PM

I loved the closeness of my first three, even though my second is a drama queen. It's a hard call to make though cause I love the big gap I have now between 3 and 4, but that's just worked out perfect for our family though. Do you think a compromise would work and do it halfway when DD is around 2? Don't forget that A will be at kinder then too......

**Arimeh** · January 16th, 2009, 03:51 PM

Will he be at kinder at 3.5? I have no idea about the schooling - having not researched it!!!

And another couple of things to consider - I really do think he will be a drama queen for the whole of his life - just his nature I think. Plus I do want to try BFing the next one.. and it was hard expressing for DD when DS was around...but i don't want them to exclude the last born either!!! arghhh... so difficult... plus if I don't get my VBA2C - and have to have another c-section, how would I look after 3 young kids.. arghhh.. doing my head in (much like my whingy, screaming 2 year old right this second!!)

**Trillian** · January 16th, 2009, 03:55 PM

ROFL at sounding like him. My DD's started preschool at 3yo for 1 day, so I assume in QLD they can start that early too. I think you should go with your gut - if you think you would regret not having them close then you should stick to your original plan. Or if it won't faze you, then play it by ear and see how you go, you might get to your original timeline and not feel ready for it anyway kwim?

**Danni** · January 16th, 2009, 04:27 PM

We decided that 2 babies would be enough for us....but now that I am loving this pregnancy, I think we will go again!!

But Im pretty sure I will have about 3 years difference rather than two. Would love to hear more opinions

**SamiH** · January 16th, 2009, 04:52 PM

Like the title says..

So i've been contemplating leaving it for a few years... and having another when DD is 3.. so DS would be 4.5 and nearly at school....

But I dunno... I'm getting old..er........ and though I fell pregnant really easy with these two... might not the next time around..

Dunno.. dunno. DUNNO... someone just tell me what to do!!!!

Sounds perfect to me

When Zander was born, Riley was 5.5yrs, Giselle was 3.5yrs - Riley is wonderful and such a BIG help and just adores his little brother but not annoyingly so.

We had two angels between Giselle and Zander so were aiming for 2 yrs age gap again but something different was planned for us - and it is great. Not being a downer, but worth thinking of that too.

I conceived easily like you with all my pregs - and when Zander was conceived I was 36.5 (ssshhhhhhhhhhhh

)

**AliBaby** · January 16th, 2009, 05:04 PM

Growing up with my sisters there was an 18month age gap between my older sister and I and then another 5 years age difference between my little sister and I.

It was a lovely age gap. The 7yr age gap never stopped the eldest and youngest from doing things together and getting along. In fact they used to gang up on me alot (and yes I still suffer middle child syndromme because of it

)

There was alot of fighting but I think that is normal between 3 kids esp 3 girls!!

Good luck planning your gorgeous family!

**Janie** · January 16th, 2009, 05:06 PM

Mel, only you will know what will work best for your family. I'm a believer in the gap

LOL, but hey, that's just what I think will be best for us. I am scared about having bad m/s again, I'm scared of having BFing difficulties again, etc etc, so I would rather wait until DS is a little older, like closer to 3. I know it will still be hard work, but I don't think I could handle it right now, he's still so dependent on me. And there is 3 years between my little bro and I, and we get along great

I don't think a smaller gap would have made a difference.

FWIW, we have friends whose first two are 15 months apart, and the third was born four years after the second (TTC issues, though not age related). She (mum) can see the pros and cons. It was alot easier having the older kids, be well, older. They were more independent etc, able to get their own food and drinks. She does worry that the little one will be left out, but so far so good, and they are all at school now. I think at the time they were TTCing she was worried about the bigger gap, but once pg and then with a nb, she was happy about it LOL, as it did make things alot easier for her.

Just a thought, if it were me, I would definitely want my oldest TTd before the third came along - three in nappies does not appeal to me! Good luck Mel, maybe just take it as it comes, and see how you feel mid-year.

**Nicambhar** · January 16th, 2009, 05:14 PM

My first two were 16 months apart and the 3rd came along just over 3 years later... I had a whingy first bub and even though the second one ( DD ) was a dream but I just couldn't deal with another so close again, I would have just lost my mind even though my DH at the time was just an amazing help. He got up to the babies every night and changed them and brought them to me to feed and then put them back to bed *sighs, why did we divorce PML*....

In saying that, I had mine really young and got pg pretty much straight away. 10 yrs later, trying to get pg with Bella resulted in a loss at 4 months pg and then 4 more m.c's and took nearly 2 yrs to get a sticky pg.

Big decision to make huh...

**SweetPea** · January 16th, 2009, 08:30 PM

My 2 boys are 17 months apart and so far I'm loving the age difference, and would love a third as soon as possible! However I know once ds2 starts to move around things will get more of a handful. We took 19 months to fall pg the first time and the second time was a total surprise so I guess for us we'll just see what happens. We 'plan' on waiting till ds2 is 12 months before we actively ttc again, but if it happened before then it wouldn't be the worst thing! When I tell people I want more they think I'm mad! Good luck with your decision!

**sneakysparkle** · January 16th, 2009, 08:35 PM

Mel - DH & I have been talking about this exact thing!
I think we are going to wait, so there is about 3 years between DD2 and #3

I think there are pros and cons to either choice!

**Arimeh** · January 16th, 2009, 08:58 PM

Wow SS - then our kids will all be nearly the same age!! lol

I think I'm more inclined to do the 3 year gap.. but we've got a couple of things happening with us this year, so will see how it goes - if I don't kill DS in the meantime!!