Picking up a crying baby - is it always necessary

[ness]

I have a 4 week and 2 day old!1 - My first child. should i be picking her up all the time when she cries(obvoiusly i rule out hunger / nappy/ etc). I swear i am getting a sore shoulder as she loves being up over my left shoulder. I hate being out shopping when she cries as sometimes nothing will settle her and i don't want people thinking i'm a bad mother...

[boomba]

first off your not a bad mum. I think we all get to a point with our first babies where it gets a bit much.
Have you tried a sling or carrier? Maybe she just wants to be close? At 4 weeks they are still adjusting to the outside world and need you to help them with it.

We would always comfort DS when he was tiny and still do as crying is a means of comunicating even if it is just for a cuddle. I would give a sling a go and see if you can settle her in that.

I hope you can find a gentle solution that works well for you and your baby! Good luck

[Indadhanu]

You're definately not a bad mum. Anyone with a newborn will KNOW hoe difficult it is to settle. If I see a mum with an unsettleable (is that a word LOL) newborn I don't think she's a bad mum I think "Oh that poor lady, hope bub settles down soon" or something like that. Babies cry, its what they do lol. Anyone who judges you because your bub is crying obviously isn't a mum and doesn't understand.

A sling (or carrier) is a great idea, Jazz was also a clingy bub, would whinge if she wasn't close to us. I got a ring sling, and she would fall back asleep laying in it. A lot of the time, even now, when Jazz cries its a "huuuuuuuuuuuugs! I need huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs!" cry lol theres nothing else wrong with her except she wants to be in my arms or on my lap. She is on my lap attempting to type as we speak LOL!

As for when do you need to pick them up... well I started a thread yesterday about the diferent types of cries and when do you need to pick them up and everyone is different. It depends on you and your bub, some babies just need a cry for a few seconds and then they're right. Some bubs will start whinging/grizzling and they just won't settle without being picked up. So its just a matter of time before you get to know your bub and what works best for you guys

[ness]

thanks for that - that's a good idea i will try that...It just gets hard sometimes so i'm glad i found this website so I can new ideas and opinions!!

[ness]

thanks leesha..I guess we are still getting to know each other really!!

[Smoke Jaguar]

Babies cry to give us a message, and it's not always a physical survival message, it can be an emotional security message, which is also super important to them at this stage because emotions help their little brains connect up those neural pathways in the brain and good emotions produce feel-good chemicals in their brains. Negative emotions mean cortisol (stress) chemicals are circulating instead.
Your local library will have a copy of one or all of Pinky McKay's books, or Elizabeth Pantley and they are great books to read to help you figure out what her cries are
Slings will help you immeasurably to connect with her and for you to understand each other better.
It is also quite possible that if she is otherwise content and satisfied on boob juice, that she wants to do a wee or a poo. Babies are born not wanting to do this in nappies and we train them out of it in nappy-wearing cultures (not saying it's a bad or good thing, just repeating many years of cultural observations from anthropologists and child experts around the world), so it could just be her protesting at having to poo in her pants.
All you can do is be there for her, and if you're not going anywhere, it could be that you could use the cuddle time as your own recharge, as well
Oh, and my mantra always is 'if in doubt, get the booby out'...to this day, and DS is 2.5yo!

[River]

I was going to say "if in doubt...... get boob out" too, but Mayaness beat me to it LOL. Babies at this age of mine are pretty much attatched to me, whether on the boob or the chest 24/7.

My vote is for to ALWAYS pick up a crying baby. Always without fail. 4 babies later and I am yet to hear them cry alone for more than a few seconds .

[Crystalwings]

I always pick Olive up because I read somewhere the more you leave them to cry they learn that they have to cry louder to get your attention. Makes sense I think and now when she wants something she hardly cries because she knows i'm listenning to her.

[aussienic]

I thnk when at home maybe you could lay down with her instead of picking her up. I used to find a cuddle on the floor or couch helped us both.. Especially when you were just getting so tired and sore from nursning them all the tim

[BhoysGirl]

I second what Mayaness says about the emotional security being really important, not just the physical stuff. With such a tiny baby it's also important to remember that she's not crying just to manipulate or get her way - she really does need you, and you cannot spoil her by picking her up when she is crying. She's still way too little to be "taught" anything. And if you've got a velcro baby, slings can be fantastic lifesavers, as lots of people have already said. It does get easier though.

[Lolli]

Hi

I second, third and fourth the idea of a sling!!

When you think about it, it's actually not that long ago that bubs spent all their time being as physically close to you as anyone can get- they were literally a part of you. It's no wonder they fret for some physical closeness, ykwim?

[*Efjay*]

Hey Ness, where abouts in Western Sydney are you? I have a few sling/wrap/carrier that your welcome to try out if you like.

[Celsie]

Babies cry as a form of communicating with you. They're not malicious. They're not crying to "get" at you (like I've heard some idiot mothers try and tell me). They might be too hot or cold. Uncomfortable (remember they're incapable of moving themselves much at this age). They may have wind, or want a boob...

We bought a copy of Dunstan Baby Language and learnt what the cries meant. It's amazing, when you truly listen to the cries, you can hear the difference. Made a world of difference with my DS was a newborn. It's around $70 from memory, but you should be able to pick up a second hand copy of ebay.

Don't ever ignore that mother's instinct. Nature gave it to you for a reason. You're doing a great job!

Also...

Just thought I'd add. My DS is the sweetest most loving little boy. He's not clingy or needy at all from being picked up or comforted. We used to get asked all the time why DS didn't cry very often... because we met his needs.

[*Efjay*]

Wow, I just got on you tube & had a look at whats on there of this Dunstan Baby Language & it looks really cool. I can see how it would work. I want to get a copy now. Off to ebay

[Celsie]

Wow, I just got on you tube & had a look at whats on there of this Dunstan Baby Language & it looks really cool. I can see how it would work. I want to get a copy now. Off to ebay

We really got a lot out of this DVD. They also offer techniques for comforting a crying baby, a baby with wind pain etc.

My DH will walk through the shops and decipher cries from strangers babies... "Oh, that one has lower wind pain, or that one is hungry". LOL

[Sair]

It is also quite possible that if she is otherwise content and satisfied on boob juice, that she wants to do a wee or a poo. Babies are born not wanting to do this in nappies and we train them out of it in nappy-wearing cultures (not saying it's a bad or good thing, just repeating many years of cultural observations from anthropologists and child experts around the world), so it could just be her protesting at having to poo in her pants.

Aha! so this is why Xavier always cries when he is going to poo? That would make some sense. I thought it might be the system is new to doing the action so I help him move things along.

If you feel like you need to pick her up, then pick her up. A sling is a fantastic idea, I made a Hug A Bub style carrier wrap and it is a life saver if I need to get something done and have a screaming baby on the go.

And don't worry, you are not a bad mum if you don't pick her up ALL the time, sometimes you need a breather for a couple of minutes and a happy mum is a good mum.

[ness]

Wow thanks for the offer!! I actually spoke to a friend yesterday and she is lending me the Baby Bjorn..So will give that a go!!

[ness]

Thanks guys for all your Great advice!!!. Have got the baby carrier sorted and am now going to check it Dunstan Baby language aswell.

Am off now to give little Daniella a nice cuddle....