The trick to a softer curl is to only curl (with a wand or curlers) from around half way down the head or just on then below the ears. Don't wind too tightly and make sure there is lots of hair per curler or tong. This stops hair getting to tightly curled. Don't put any setting or styling product in yet. When finished softly and slowly brush out the curls with a paddle brush - a very wide tooth comb may also work. Once finished and the hair has 'relaxed' a little you can put a small amount of spray or setting lotion in