Clover. Have you spoken to her parents about having her name inked? This might sound stupid because its your way of honouring her BUT it might be something they are against because its their child, not yours. I know I am extremely close to my brothers kids but if something happened and I got ink including their name, he would flip as that is something just for them kwim? Something symbolic would be ok, but the actual name would really pee them off. Just a thought as something to discuss with them before you do it so it doesn't cause angst for you at an already difficult time

In terms of pain, that's a really personal thing. I have several tattoos and would say I could tell the difference between solid color and shading only by the pressure he applied. There was no difference in my perception of pain/discomfort for the two actions...