i was 13 before i shaved my legs, and even then, i did it behind mums back, naturally she found out and i got into a lot of trouble for it. Then she hid all the razors for awhile then evenutally she brought me some but wasnt very happy about it.
I wasnt aloud to dye my hair. period. I left home when i was 16.. one of the first things i did was dye my hair jet black

I think her shaving her legs at 9 might be alittle younge but you said she's a dancer and i can undertsand that. I think when DD is in high school then ill let her shave her legs but if she really really wants to eralier (depending on how much earlier) then ill probably let her, i know what its like to be held back over something so stupid.
as far as dying her hair i think 9 is too younge. Again i think ill make her wait til high school, ill probably try to put it off for as long as i can.. its so bad for your hair