I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling bitter or resentful. I think it's good to express it and get it out. I also know that being pregnant again doesn't make a difference to how you feel. Maybe it changes when there's a live baby born, but I doubt it. When all your know is your children have died and someone else seems to have healthy babies easily, it's hard. No matter how much you love them or how happy you are for them. It's still really really hard.

Personally, I prefer to congratulate people and maintain the boundaries that are best for me. That may be either not seeing them or only seeing them when I'm up to it and not pushing myself based on others' expectations or my own expectations of myself. I had to learn to let myself be different to how I thought I should be. Grief takes time and it comes at us all differently. For me, there's no return to "normal" anymore. This new me is what you get. It's a good day if I get outside the house, so actually getting out and seeing a pregnant friend or baby is a big deal. I usually plan meltdown time afterwards. Not because it's a bad thing to see a baby or whatever, but because I know how I'll be. I'm still happy to see them, if I'm emotionally strong enough, but I need that time afterwards.

You can't control how other people think or their expectations of you. You did not "fail". I understand feeling like that because I have too, but it's not true. Bad things happen. I don't know why. I don't know why some babies die and some live. You know you would have done anything you could to protect your little girl. You were the best mummy you could be and I'm sorry she died.

Noone else in your family has been through what you're dealing with. They may have lost a grandchild or neice, but they didn't give birth to a sleeping baby. Seriously, noone who hasn't been through it can understand. The whole "I can't imagine" stuff is pretty useless, because no, they can't imagine and saying so is not helpful. As you've found out, someone stressing about a whole lot of "what ifs" that dont eventuate can be stressful to deal with. I try not to feel angry about it but it's hard sometimes. I think it must be a nice problem to have, freaking out about what if X happens or Y happens, trying to imagine how it feels when a baby dies, rather than living with the reality. They have no clue. But they dont realise that you and them now live in different universes. So rather than expect understanding, I assert boundaries. If someone thinks I'm being oversensitive or should be over it by now, they can get stuffed. I try not to dump my anger and grief on others, but I also wont buy into their expectations of what parental bereavement is when they are lucky enough to not have to walk in my shoes. IF I can't do something, I say so. I don't apologise. I'm not rude about it, however I'm coming across writing this, but I say no when things will upset me. I learnt that the hard way.

Don't beat yourself up for feeling bitter. You can feel joy and sorrow at the same time. You can be happy for others and jealous at the same time. You'll find a path to deal with both and at some stage this will get easier. Never easy, but easier.

Go gently