Ianto's story (extremely long, and may be distressing)

words aren't enough.

hugs for you and Scott - and sweet Ianto, fly free

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First of all, thank you everyone for your kind words - I'm not strong, I'm just adamant I don't forget one detail of Ianto's life (I know it seems silly, and I know I'm wrong, but I'm kinda counting the time in the hospital as part of his "life") so I needed to write it as soon as possible. I'm glad I've been able to inject a little humour in there as well - despite everything that happened, I have been able to laugh about little things. I think it may be part of how my family and I greive, because the same thing happened when my nan died last year. We'd go from crying one second to laughing about how she used to walk the next. With Ianto, I'm going from sobbing about how alone he must be to laughing about how I almost hit the midwife with my waters (for example)...

I'll most likely edit this a thousand times, for myself really, and I'll include things that are yet to come like his funeral this Saturday. This morning we met with the celebrant, and I got a little angry that she didn't ask about his "life" after he was born - I'm going to email her soon about that and tell her I need her to say something about how soft his skin was...

ausgirl - No reason was found on the ultrasound, but they checked him externally after we left the hospital (one thing that's really been upsetting me - I just keep seeing him in my mind's eye, so alone...) and we'll get the results of that when I have to go back to the hospital for my follow-up in a few weeks. They also checked the placenta, his cord, and a lot of blood from me - I was even joking with the woman who took my blood that I hoped she left me some to keep for myself :D We declined an autopsy for the simple reason that I don't want anyone hurting my sweet boy - he's been through enough, and I know I couldn't handle thinking about it. I've also been saying, even if someone could tell me 100% what caused it, I'm not sure I'd want to know - what if it was my fault? If it's something that could affect future pregnancies, of course I want to know, but they said usually with something like that they'd pick it up by the tests they're doing anyway.

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Honi I am sure you didn't cause this, please don't entertain that thought!

I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face for you and your DH and your precious little man.
Sending you strength to get through the days and weeks to come.

If i could reach thru this computer now, i would hug you.

You are a lovely writer...i only wish the ending was better.

He sounds divine your lil Lanto...im so glad you got to hug him, and love him.

RIP lil man...:hug:

Teni I am so sorry for the loss of beautiful Ianto :hug: - i know words cannot take away the pain you feel and my heart is just breaking for you....What a beautiful and strong Mummy he was blessed to have :hug::hug:

Fly free beautiful boy

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, hugs, Fly free little one...

Teni - I am so so sorry for your loss, it is heartbreaking to read.

Teni - I just saw the photos on your blog and what a perfect little man Ianto was ... he is gorgeous. I am so sorry he couldn't be with you for longer.

Teni, I also saw your blog and commented. He's gorgeous.

Can I ask how Ianto is pronounced? It seems a lovely and unusual name, and I want to get it right in my head. xo

Tenibear your pictures and blog are beautiful he is perfect, such a cute face. I have tears streaming down my face looking at them.

Hugs you are a strong special person

xoxo

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Teni, I also saw your blog and commented. He's gorgeous.

Can I ask how Ianto is pronounced? It seems a lovely and unusual name, and I want to get it right in my head. xo

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We both pronounce it differently - I have about three ways of saying it myself - but it's kinda like "Yahn-toe" or "ee-yan-toh" :) I've been asked that quite a few times, mostly by family who've only seen it on paper or computer, so I suppose it's something that would've been asked a lot anyway...

Oh Teni, Ianto is beautiful. Your photos are so precious, thank you for sharing them with us.

That is a cool name. xo Thanks for clarifying for me.

Tenielle your blog is beautiful and your photos show how absolutely gorgeous your little man is. I adore the photos of you two cuddled up in bed. Thank you so much for allowing us to meet your little angel - it is an honour.

Teni, I'm looking through the photos now, fighting back tears - he is a gorgeous little boy, who I know you will cherish forever

Many hugs again to you and Scott :hug::hug::hug:

He is just beautiful Teni, thanks so much for sharing his photos :hug:.

Oh, Teni, Ianto is just gorgeous. Thank-you so much for sharing your photos with us. I reckon he looks just like his dad.
Sending you and Scott all the strength I can. I'm thinking of you both, and I feel very privileged to be able to put a face to Ianto's name. What a lovely face it is.
xo

Absolutely heartbreaking! Thanks for sharing your experience with us all. My heart goes out to you. Rest in peace little one. I will go look at the pictures now.