Just a bit of a vent really.. I am not coping at all, had my babies survived they would have been 3 months old today.. My due date is March 11 which I am dreading.. I went to a doctor yesterday to have my contraception shot and he tried to get me to go on anti depressants.. I really don't want to so I said I would think about it.. A girlfriend made a comment yesterday 'how I am doing better than I was' NO I AM NOT!! I AM WORSE! and I feel kind of peeved that she wouldn't know that as we are good friends.. Oh well, maybe I am just a good actress! Anyway I had Taite and Seth's names written in the sand.. It was a link posted on here somewhere.. A gorgeous lady that has also lost a bub, writes your babies names in the sand at sunset and takes a picture of them.. They are beautiful.. So I e mailed her and she did that for me and my FIL printed them out on canvas.. Anyway check out the site if you haven't already To Write Their Names In The Sand... I also found a site called Nicola's Tears.. A lady put it together for her friend who lost a bub so I posted some poems etc.. I guess doing these things makes me feel it keeps their memory alive.. I am going to a Bonnie Babes meeting next thurs.. I have been to 1 before.. Only a small group of bereaved parents but it's good. I think it helps.. Well thats enough from me.. I just want this to get better. I feel pain, guilt everything.. It is so damn hard. I miss my boys so much.. Even tho they never came home, even tho I should be pregnant still, I sit outside and imagine them waking, I imagine feeding them and playing with them.. Sill cos even if they had survived they probably wouldn't be out of hospital yet.. Oh dear I feel like I am going insane!!!!!!!