I can understand that you would still need to grieve, you have suffered a terrible loss and have to deal with constant reminders, grief never goes away, you just learn to hide it better.
FWIW I have found anti depressants have really helped but then again I have depression, you have just lived through a terrible ordeal so its perfectly understandable you feel this way.
Hope the Bonnie babes meeting helps, take care of yourslef hun, surround yourself with peopl and things that lift you up.