thread: Wanting Advice

  1. #1
    Registered User

    Apr 2009
    Adelaide, SA

    Wanting Advice

    After losing our Daughter Maddison I had many regrets over the next few weeks of not taking enough photos. I don't have one of me and her together nor of my husband and her. All of the books we were given in the hospital room I didn't read any of them until a few weeks later.In one of the SANDS book there was a small section of things to do with your baby. I couldn't believe it why hadn't the midwife told me just to read this section.
    So I have decided to make my own list and have it laminated and hung in the labour ward room. I have spoken to the Hospital and they are happy for it.

    I believe in Fate. So I have to believe Maddison has come here to teach me something. And if it means I can help one Family then Maddison has left her imprint on this world.

    If any one has any extra suggestions of other things I could add, please let me know.

    Suggestions for the time that you have your baby with you
    This is your baby and you have the right to do anything you want with your baby
     Hold your baby's hand
     Tell your baby that you love him or her
     Kiss your baby's cheek
     Unwrap your baby to see his or her whole body
     Think about asking family members to come and meet your baby
     If you want to take your baby outside the hospital or to your home, discuss this with the hospital staff
     Take your baby outside to let the sun kiss and warm his or her skin
     Take hand and foot prints
     Ask if the hospital does hand and foot castings of your baby.
     Take photographs of your baby close up, of your baby rugged up in a bunny rug, with you holding your baby, a whole family shot, photos of your baby in what he or she is wearing
     You may want to use your video camera: it may not be footage that you can watch at first but there may come a time when you do want to see it
     Bath and dress your baby if you wish
     If possible take a lock of hair
     Keep one of the baby’s blankets
     Write a description of your baby's features
     Your baby can stay with you from birth until you are ready to say goodbye and let him or her go
     Spend as much time as you feel you can and want with your baby
     It is OK to keep your baby with you overnight
     It is OK to keep on asking that the staff bring your baby back to you
     Read a story, sing and or tell your baby all the things you would have told them as they grew up
     Consider having professional photos taken. The Australian Charity of Child Photographers will take photos at no charge. Contact Kate Ellis: 83398241 or 0419809570;
    You may not feel you want photos and mementoes but having them means if you change your mind then you have treasured items available.
    This has been written in memory of our daughter Maddison Lee

    Last edited by mummytogirls; April 24th, 2009 at 09:25 AM. : forgot to add

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Add Samcougar on Facebook

    Apr 2009
    NSW, Australia

    Brilliant Idea!!

    Im sorry to hear you lost your little girl, we lost our son on the 26/3/2009 and i never got a photo of him and myself together and i never held him after he was born and i will always regret my desision to do this i really wish someone had told me i should do this. This is a fantastic idea!

  3. #3
    Registered User

    Dec 2007

    What your doing is absolutely fantastic and I'm sure will help many families. You truly are an inspiration.


  4. #4
    Registered User

    Sep 2007
    Blue Mountains, NSW


    I was thinking of doing the same thing as you, I had a dream about it last night, this is freaky.
    I never did a lot of those things with my daughter and wish the hospital had advised me. I never even got a leaflet.
    It is a pretty comprehensive list well done.
    How about:
    Have skin to skin contact with your baby. (I wish I had, she was full term and died after 43 hours, and if only I had thought of this).
    Remember to get a print of both hands and feet, (the hospital only gave me one hand and foot print, why? my baby definitely had two of each).
    Take a picture close up of baby's feet, hands, ear, nose, mouth. (you will in time want to remember if he/she had daddies/mummies ears, mouth etc.
    Sing to your baby - the lullaby or songs you had planned for using when they were older or the ones you have sung to other siblings.
    Tell your baby of all your hopes and dreams for them.
    Tell them all about their loving family.

    It's making me cry just reading and writing this,

    Take care,

  5. #5
    Registered User

    Apr 2009
    Adelaide, SA

    Thanks Everyone This truly is a wonderful site with many wonderful Women. It really has helped me to know that I am not the only one that didn't take photos. I though It was just me. I have realised lately I just have to be happy with the 10 very beautiful photos that I have. I have spoken to a lady that might be able to draw a family portrait for us. So I am crossing my fingers that can be done.

    Hi Samcougar

    There is a beautiful lady called Carly who writes Baby Angel names in the sand at sunset. I realise that this is not a photo of your son but would be beautiful reminder that you might like. This is my daughter name in the sand
    Take care and be Kind to yourself

    To Write Their Names In The Sand: Maddison Lee Helps

    Hi Tracey

    If you would like me to email you a copy so It might help you work out a list to maybe give to your hospital. I realised that Maddison and Milana were born on the same day. I don't know if you got an autopsy done and if state to state is different but this week we were sent Maddison's foot and hands prints and more photos of her. I am not keen on the photos but her hand and foot prints are really nice

    Take Care

  6. #6
    Registered User
    Add Rach75 on Facebook

    Oct 2005
    Moura, QLD, Australia

    fantastic idea

    when our Katy was born we didn't take any pictures we had the camera the lot but just couldn't do it, my husband never held her something I knwo he regrets to this day he just didn't know what to do...

    5 1/2 yrs on and I still regret the decisions we made that day...but I also have learned I need to move on her image is forever etched in my heart and I can still close my eyes some days and see her and remeber her smell..

  7. #7
    Registered User

    Feb 2006
    Newcastle, NSW

    The tears are flowing here

    What a beautiful and perfect thing you're doing. I wish I had done more for Noah. I had very little time though to plan anything. Like Rach, I couldn't bring myself to take ohotos of Noah, I was just too sad. The midwife took some pics and it took me over 2 years before we got them developed, only to discover that there was only 2 photos taken of him. I was devestated. You can only see his tiny little face out of the bunny rug. I also wish I got to keep that bunny rug
    I did get to hold & kiss Noah a lot, as did my DH. His face is forever etched into my memory, but it would have been lovely to have been able to share more of him with others too.

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Sep 2007
    Blue Mountains, NSW

    thanks, that would be great if you could email me a copy, my email is (email removed) let me know when you have the email address and I will take it back off this site again. Feel free to send an email just for a chat as well, we have something in common apart for losing our beautiful daughters, they share the day they were born.
    Didn't get an autopsy done, as we knew the reason why she died, but thanks for thinking of me.
    I looked at the site you have for your gorgeous little princess, she was beautiful and you have made such a beautiful memorial page for her, it brought tears to my eyes.
    She knows what a wonderful family she has and how much you love and miss her.
    Take care,

    Hi Tracey

    If you would like me to email you a copy so It might help you work out a list to maybe give to your hospital. I realised that Maddison and Milana were born on the same day. I don't know if you got an autopsy done and if state to state is different but this week we were sent Maddison's foot and hands prints and more photos of her. I am not keen on the photos but her hand and foot prints are really nice

    Take Care
    Last edited by BabyButterfly; April 26th, 2009 at 11:24 AM.

  9. #9
    Registered User

    May 2008
    ...where jumping on the bed is mandatory!

    I just watched the beautiful video you made for your special little girl! i dont have the words! she is so precious and beautiful. i think its a great idea to make this list for others. big hugs

  10. #10
    Registered User

    Apr 2009
    Adelaide, SA

    I feel really happy today

    I have finished my final copy of "things to do with your baby"
    I had it laminated and then tied pink, blue and white ribbons on it.

    I was driving to the hospital today to take it up to labour ward (where Maddison was born)
    I starting wondering if I was doing the right thing, was this a big mistake. As I looked up I saw a huge rainbow across the sky. That was all I needed to know I could do this.
    I am so please to say that the midwife I meet with (Therese) who was there for Maddison's birth was really pleased to have it. She explained to me that they love to have feedback and learn of ways they can make a difference for families. She said that she would use my
    "things to do with you baby" and find a place to be able to hang it for other families.

    So I feel really happy tonight to know that Maddison has made a difference and other families in the future can maybe deal with their grief and not the worry of how many photos they didn't take.