vasectomy questions...

[Ginger]

hi everyone
dh and i have just had our second child and are both 100% satisfied that our family is complete and do not want anymore children. we decided he would go for a vasectomy in the next few months. when we have told some people of our decision however, they have acted like we are crazy or stupid, and have said that we would regret it. we are both 32 years old...
now i'm having second thoughts...wdyt..is it too drastic a measure to take?

[misskate]

how rude that people would make those comments, what your and your partner decide has got nothing to do with anyone else!!!
arent vasectomys reversable anyway???

[Ginger]

thanks...
i don't think the reversals always work..i'm not too sure

[Tinks]

We had the same reaction from people as well. Particurlarly DH's family. Don't listen to them! It's a decision you and your DH make together which doesn't concern anyone else.

It was the best decision we ever made!

[~clover~]

I'd just keep it quiet. Everyone has an oppinion & its really none of their business.
Do what is right for you guys

[Astrid]

We have made the same decision after having 2 and thankfully no-one has said anything against it, we are on the other side of 35 now though. A couple of my friends DH's have had it done, one after 2 kids and the other after only 1. No regrets from them so far.

Do what you feel is right for your family!

[alioops]

The only person that has any sway over the actual procedure being done is the surgeon. No one else's opinion matters so there really is nothing anyone can say to stop it except for the 3 people that matter in the process of getting it done. You DH and The Surgeon. What's the bet none of the people saying something about him getting the snip would think twice if you said you were getting your tubes tied

[Janie]

Don't worry about what others think hun

The only obstacle you might come across is the surgeon. I have heard that in families that don't have lots of kids (not sure what number is 'lots'), they won't do it before the youngest is 12 months. I guess you'd need to look into it and find out!

Good luck

[Peta M]

We had decided that after having two children, 1 boy and 1 girl, our family was also complete back in 2002 when we were only 25 and had gotten rid of everything baby related. We didn't do anything "permanent" and our surprise is now 5 weeks old.

We wouldn't change him for the world, he is one of the best things that has happened to our family but he will definately be the last.

My husband is having his vasectomy in 3 weeks and then we won't have to expect the unexpected again. Our Dr advised us to regard the vasectomy as irreversable because the way he does it (?? cuts and ties off) doesn'thave a very good chance of reversal. Our Dr also advised us that he sends the tubes off to the lab to make sure he cut the right ones and that we have to have everything checked three months later to make sure there are no swimmers and that there are only the two tubes as sometimes there are more (weird).

As long as you are happy with what you have decided then other opinions shouldn't alter your decision - you have to live with it nobody else.

Good luck with the op.

[Pretty Butterfly]

You cant be considered for a vasectomy till you are over 30 and have 1 biological child, so I been told...
So your DH should have no worries getting one....

My Dh family are shocked Ad wants one, they think I should get my tubes clamped... how ridiculous when he can be in and out in an hour!!!
Our choice is a vasectomy also... but everytime we go to talk, I just cant. I am clearly not ready yet, but I will be eventually I guess...

[Trillian]

DH's Mum was a bit surprised too, I have no idea why though, maybe it's a 'virility' thing that makes people get so precious about it. DH decided it would be him to get it done because for men it's a simpler process with a shorter recovery time than it is for women to get their tubes done, which requires a few days in hospital and for him it was a few hours.

It was the best thing we've ever done and if you are 100% certain you are finished, then it's really the only option so you don't have to muck about with other contraceptives and I loathed the thought of taking the pill for so long. Not one single person of DH's mates said anything though and it turned out that nearly all of the men that he works with have all had it done (about 20 blokes), so it's quite common I would think.

Alister was only 8wks old when he had his first consultation about it, so there were no 'restrictions' because of baby's age and he was 4mo by the time it was done. It sounds like you were both 100% convinced it was the right thing until you told people and they started saying stuff about it, so I would just not say anything more (and whatever you do don't tell his mother ) and just get it done.

[alioops]

You cant be considered for a vasectomy till you are over 30 and have 1 biological child, so I been told...

I wonder if we could sue for discrimination over that. If we did decide to have another child (and the chances are very slim) it would be DH's decision. I don't enjoy pregnancy. I am 90% sure that I do not want to do it again. Physically I doubt that my body would handle another baby and it is not fair on my other children for me to be bedridden for months.

The only problem is that DH is 23. I am willing to give it 5 years after Miss L arrives to make a final decision, but why should a family be penalised for finishing their family early? Even if DH and I were to split he does not want children with another woman. He has said that if he and I split and he was paying CS (and he would) on 3 or 4 children there is no way he would be bringing more into the world, and that is his personal opinion, which I respect.

I just don't understand why we are continually penalised for having our family young.

[Trillian]

Ali, legally they can't do that, but it's based on the premise that a man that young could change his mind kwim. I have heard of instances where men under 30 with no children have been refused it, but that's up to the individual Dr and if you really wanted it done, you would go to another one. I doubt that if you DH wanted one that they would knock him back because he is married and has completed his family. It would be the same if a woman in her 20's wanted a hysterectomy or a tubal ligation done, but at the end of the day it's her choice to do it.

[Ginger]

thanks for all your responses
i really hate being on the pill and am scared after reading lots of info on mirena and implanon
we have talked about it a lot and dh has said the if were ever to divorce and he got together with another woman, he would definitely not want any more kids with her. i'm not 100% that i wouldn't want another one if i started a new relationship, so it definitely has to be him that has it.
i think maybe we'll wait 12 months and then do it, thanks for all your opinions...

can i ask one more thing for those of you whose dhs have had it...
how bad was the pain factor? how long did they have off work? how much did it cost?
ok...that was 3 more things LOL

[Ginger]

thanks for all your responses
i really hate being on the pill and am scared after reading lots of info on mirena and implanon
we have talked about it a lot and dh has said the if were ever to divorce and he got together with another woman, he would definitely not want any more kids with her. i'm not 100% that i wouldn't want another one if i started a new relationship, so it definitely has to be him that has it.
i think maybe we'll wait 12 months and then do it, thanks for all your opinions...

can i ask one more thing for those of you whose dhs have had it...
how bad was the pain factor? how long did they have off work? how much did it cost?
ok...that was 3 more things LOL

[saslia]

how bad was the pain factor? Very little - I was surprised because DH can be a bit of a woos
how long did they have off work? a couple of days
how much did it cost? not to sure - not too much

[widdly]

we have only 1 child and we are seriously talking about vasectomy. He is 100% sure that he doesn't want any more kids no matter whether he gets a new partner one day. However, if i were to get a new partner who wanted kids I would probably have more, so a vasectomy is the obvious choice for us.

I agree with the ohters, it is no one elses business what you do with your own fertility, only you and DH know whats best foryour selves.