Thanks Marydean, when you confiscate phone, laptop etc when do you return them or how often do you keep the, confiscated for?
I really appreciate all your assistance on this- its very hard to be an instant mother. The tips you have given me have given me great points to bring up in terms of house rules, respect and responsibility
Depends on the scale of the infraction. Usually, if she's getting a bit slack and not getting the jobs done daily, I confiscate her ipod (that hurts the most) and provided she starts doing the job, she'll get it back in a day or two. If she doesn't apply herself, the time lengthens. We also use this when she doesn't meet other expectations, eg we come down hard on her if she doesn't get homework finished. With her it's not usually willful disobedience, rather distraction and failure to organise herself. I'm hard on her with these things because she's so scatty and I figure I've only got a couple more years to get her into good habits, or she's not going to cope with the "real world". I also talk a lot about our expectations and how that relates to what real life requires. What we expect is often the same sorts of things that employers expect, kwim?
We have a system suggested by DS psychologist, that I also saw on 1-2-3 Magic.
Basically they get 20c per year of age (this amount can change, mine are little so $1 seems a lot to them ), regardless of what they do. We have certain expectations taht they are part of this house, so should help out, so they are expected to take their plates from the table to the dishwasher, DS to empty dishwashers, DD to set the table at night, and for them both to take their bags in from the car. If they don't do these things, that is fine, I will, but I charge for my time, because my time is valuable too. I charge between 5 - 10 cents to do 1 of their jobs. I have only had to charge each of them once and they never did it again (although sometimes I do things like take their brekky stuff over once they have left for school if I didn't notice it before they leave, but thats 'cos I don't want it sitting there all day, and they are only little). The thought of having to part with their money kills them, so it gets them back to do their job (they normally get 1 warning before I do it).
I agree $60 is way too much, and I think it lowers their sense of self-purpose to be paid for such menial jobs. They need to learn that they have to contribute for the very fact they are part of a family.
Oh I like the idea of charging him for doing his jobs!!
I have done up a bit of a list of house rules and required tasks and potential pocket money.. what do you think? Am I asking too much? Am I being too harsh?
-I have something in there about homework as well because he has a history of being very disruptive in school when he doesn't understand something, most likely because he spent the majority of upper primary school suspended or simply absent and doesn't have a good grasp on a lot of background knowledge. I am trying to instill some discipline and a bit of knowledge, he has a maths tutor and we will be getting her to also tutor him in science this year as he got a D last year. He did get a B in social sciences which was great because first term last year he received all Fs or whatever they call them now.
Anyway, I'd love your feedback:
House Rules that everyone must follow, and if not followed, there will be consequences
- Make your own breakfast and lunch daily
- Make your bed every day
- No clothes to be left lying on floor
- Put things back where you found them, including scissors, tools, things from pantry
- Put dirty dishes in sink/ put in dishwasher
- Pick up bathmat after each shower
- Towels are hung up, not left on the floor or bed
- No name calling or disrespectful behaviour
- No verbal abuse, whining or whingeing
- If you break or damage something, you are responsible to pay for the repairs
- Rinse and put own dishes into dishwasher after snacks/ drinks
- Laptop is to be returned to the office each night
- Dirty dishes are not to be left in bedroom
- TV/ Laptop/ Ipod/ Ipad/ Phone is a luxury and allowed to be used only after finishing homework (whether from school/ Michelle/ Dad/ tutor)
Potential to earn $30 per week if you do the following:
- Do own washing, hang out, fold and put away
- Each week do a thorough clean of bathroom and bedroom
o Change sheets each week
o Change towel at least once a week
- Each week do a thorough clean of backyard (this section is really just a courtyard- 4 m2 at most)
o Sweep up
o Pick up dog poo
- Dishes on a Sunday night- wash, dry and put away
- You are earning enough to buy your own canteen lunches, deodorant, clothes, school socials/ dances and any socialising you want to do.
- All jobs must be completed and approved or no money is earnt
- There will be no advances on pocket money
I don't want to sound rude, or daft here, but he is 14, yes? And he is your son.
Why would you make him buy his own deoderant and clothes? Surely that is the same as buying the rest of the household toiletries and such.
I am concerned that while there is nothing really outrageous on your regular list, being the person solely responsible for the yard etc is taking things a bit far. This is his home, not a workcamp, and I worry that you are overthinking this and turning what should be about family/community/belonging/contributing into work, iyswim.
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), regardless of what they do. We have certain expectations taht they are part of this house, so should help out, so they are expected to take their plates from the table to the dishwasher, DS to empty dishwashers, DD to set the table at night, and for them both to take their bags in from the car. If they don't do these things, that is fine, I will, but I charge for my time, because my time is valuable too. I charge between 5 - 10 cents to do 1 of their jobs. I have only had to charge each of them once and they never did it again (although sometimes I do things like take their brekky stuff over once they have left for school if I didn't notice it before they leave, but thats 'cos I don't want it sitting there all day, and they are only little). The thought of having to part with their money kills them, so it gets them back to do their job (they normally get 1 warning before I do it).
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