Mobile phone and internet rules

[Tinks]

Just wanting to compare mobile phone and internet rules. DD seems to think ours are too strict, I don't.

These are ours:

Mobile phone

• We will pay for credit once a month. If credit is used before the month is up, they either have to wait or pay for it themselves
• We must have all passwords for phones and if we want to go through it, we can at any time
• No phones in bedrooms, either during the day or night. Phones are to be left on charge in family room overnight.

If any of these rules are broken we confiscate their phone.


Internet (goes for phone internet as well)

• No computer in bedrooms at any time of day or night. Computers are to be left on desk in kitchen overnight.
• We must have all passwords for FB, email etc
• Only add people they know personally to any social media account they have
• No chatting to random people

Do you think those rules are excessive?

[BrightSparkles]

Nope all completely normal rules. My 16yr old bro has the same ones

[feeb]

Sound very fair to me!

[Catastrophic]

I think they are reasonable!

The only thing I think is a bit excessive is the not in the rooms - over night yeah but during the day? Why is that...

(Ps I haven't dealt with those teenage years yet mine are too young and my brothers older) so just want to know your thinking ;-)

[Novella]

Sounds reasonable. Do they comply with the rules? Our computer is in a study nook in the hallway and I think when they are older there options will be to use laptops/ithings/android in communal areas only. DD1 is already sneaky so Im worried about what she might get up to. DD2 tends to be the openly defiant one

Im considering having a changing wifi password to restrict the girls useage when they are older (if thechnology doesn't go beyond that by then) So if they they are doing the right thing they get the passowrd, wrong thing they can use the computer as a word processor only!

How do you check they dont have other email accounts you dont know about or 2 versions of facebook? Im trying to think these things through before we get there, especially as DH is IT challenged!

[Tinks]

You just know if they're being dodgy, Novella. It's like a 6th sense lol. They usually follow the rules but DD has had her phone taken off her and is arguing that we're too strict.

Cat, we only allow them to use the net in communal areas of the house so same goes with phone. They can go on the verandah if they're talking to someone and don't want us to hear or ring them on the house phone, which they can take into their bedroom. They mostly sms though.

[lilima]

Ahh the days of if you wanted to call someone you had to sit in the lounge on the fixed wall phone.. With little sisters listening in and all...

I shudder to think what it will be like for my kids.

Sorry this post had been in no way helpful.

I think your rules sound fine..the consequences are no phone, so they really don't have much choice but to follow the rules.

Just a Q, what is the going age to get a phone?

[Tinks]

My kids got them for christmas just before they started high school.

[little_O]

I think they're good tinks!

Definitely don't need them at night!

[danita]

I I had teenage foster kids and rules were similar they were allowed phone in rooms but no calls after 830 pm and phones off at 9 pm. I never brought credit their pocket money had to pay for credit. All laptops were in communal areas. They did not have access to the wi fi either so using their phone for Internet would use too much credit so they never went on anyway. They were 13 and 14 years old and followed the rules well

[toomanyshoes]

No phones here yet but that's only a couple of years away. Our rules will be pretty much the same.

But as for internet (computers, laptops, ipods and ipads) it's pretty much the same although mon-fri there's also a limit of 1 hour. They come home from school do what needs to be done around the house then home work, after all that is done the timer is set for 1 hour and they can go on whatever they like swap etc but after an hour that's it for the day.

I 100% agree with not having them in rooms, day or night! If they can't do it in a common area more than likely they shouldn't be doing it at all.

We're having issues with DS too and the whole "but my friends get to do xyz" it's starting to do my head in!

[LimeSlice]

So she has no opportunity for any privacy? What are you trying to teach her with the rules you have in place? Where is the room for her to exercise her own judgment - is there a space for her to bad choices, good and bad, with the freedom to know that you will be there to teach and guide her rather than just punish her?

If I were in her shoes, I would rather you just took the phone away altogether - you seem to not trust her with it anyway, so why continue to set her up to fail?

I don't have teens yet, but I do very clearly remember being a 14 year old girl. And I thank my parents for giving me the space and freedom to make choices - good and bad - and for giving me the respect of not treating me like a child.

We were allowed to use computers in private, we certainly were never asked to give passwords to email accounts. We didn't have FB, but we did have chatrooms and we were trusted to use those without someone looking over our shoulders as well. I would have been outraged if my mother asked me for my email passwords, or to check the messages on my phone! Seriously, the thought outrages me still.
Trying to find your own place in the world is hard, and harder when your parent don't even trust you enough to know that you will make mistakes and you will make some bad choices, but they know you are a good person and they have taught you well.


Just my

[black_rose]

I would be doing the same as you Tinks. These days with fb and cyber bullying its better to avoid the late nights fitting on the computer. It's very different to when we grew up when it was just the TV in our rooms. There has been a lot of media coverage lately about kids using their phones and I have a friend whose daughter was messaging dark thoughts etc and started self harming once they took the phone away and started talking it has stopped. Just because you know the passwords doesn't mean you will look either. Although my kids are little dh runs an IT business so we talk about it all the time and our rules will be similar.

[diannescruffy]

These rules sound perfectly fine to me, we are very similar here too but the boys do have their phones with them during the night.

Regards,
Dianne

[little_O]

They do have the privacy to use SMS though don't they?

To me the parent has the ability to read the messages etc, but wouldn't exercise that unless given need to? Am I on the right track here?

I agree LS you do need to trust your children, but they don't need the phone/computer in their rooms at night. That's asking for problems. The reality is if they have the phone/computer in their rooms it will be used.

If they have earned the trust to use their phones/computers responsibly I wouldn't be checking them. They would know I could, but I'm not because I trust them. If they give reason to check they would be completely aware of why.

Unfortunately we live in times where we have to monitor. It's just striking the balance.

[Cass72]

I agree LS you do need to trust your children, but they don't need the phone/computer in their rooms at night. That's asking for problems. The reality is if they have the phone/computer in their rooms it will be used.

I disagree. When DS1 says he's going to bed,he does just that. He switches his phone to airplane mode (so he can still use it as an alarm but it stops unwanted calls/sms throughout the night) and turns off his laptop. He's been like this since he first had a phone at 14.

Do I check that he's done this? No I don't. I don't feel the need to. He tells me that this is what he does and I believe him.

When I told my stepdaughter it was time to get some sleep and to shutdown her computer she did just that. It was her choice to give us her phone at night because her brother was calling and friends were sending through text messages.

I use the same motto on my kids that my mother used for me: if you can't do it in front of me then it must be wrong. In other words, if you have to hide and don't want me to find out, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it.

[little_O]

.

I use the same motto on my kids that my mother used for me: if you can't do it in front of me then it must be wrong. In other words, if you have to hide and don't want me to find out, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it.

This is what I am referring to. Your ds is still abiding to the rule because he's not using it per-say. If he's going to lie to you, there are bigger problems. You should be able to trust them.

If they aren't using it for an alarm though, why do they need the phone?

[Cass72]

Just wanting to compare mobile phone and internet rules. DD seems to think ours are too strict, I don't.

These are ours:

Mobile phone

• We will pay for credit once a month. If credit is used before the month is up, they either have to wait or pay for it themselves FAIR
• We must have all passwords for phones and if we want to go through it, we can at any time Nope. I think this is a little OTT. Whilst I didn't have a computer growing up .....don't think they were invented but I did have a diary. I still have it. In fact some of things I wrote would have made my mother's toes curl (as would the notes we passed around class). Did she ever snoop at my stuff. No.
• No phones in bedrooms, either during the day or night. Phones are to be left on charge in family room overnight. Depends on their age. DS1 17 uses his phone as his alarm to get up in the morning. DSD 14, when she was staying with us, gave us her phone at night, due to her gettting phonecalls from her brother in the middle of the night.

If any of these rules are broken we confiscate their phone.


Internet (goes for phone internet as well)

• No computer in bedrooms at any time of day or night. Computers are to be left on desk in kitchen overnight. That would be like my mum telling me I couldn't read my books or write in my diary at night. DS1 studies in his room and, well without his laptop ... DSD had her laptop in her room when she was staying with us. She used hers to play games. I do however, insist that they don't leave their laptops chargng overnight - you'd be surprised how big a difference it makes to your electricity bill
• We must have all passwords for FB, email etc Nope. I am friends with my kids. If they block me or restrict what I can see then we have a chat.
• Only add people they know personally to any social media account they have That's a given. If I don't know who someone is who's made a comment (particularly in DSD's case as there have been issues) I will ask who they are.
• No chatting to random people As above

Do you think those rules are excessive?

While rules are good, I think that you also need to give your children some freedom to use their own commonsense.

I would say, instead of taking the phone away at night, no using the phone at night after XXpm. If they betray that trust then the phone is taken away at night for X period of time. Same goes with the computer.

If you want your kids to trust you (and your judgement) then you have to trust them as well.