Having parented my brothers through their teenage years and my DD#1 through hers, I can put my hand on my heart and say that this is an awful time for children. They are so destructive to themselves and everyone who cares about them.
I am sure you are doing a fantastic job. Your DD just sounds like she is doing all the typical teenage things. Set boundaries - even though they will probably be breached repeatedly, don't let hurtful words and behaviour go unchecked, but know that it's due to the hormone imbalance going on in her body.
Take heart, there is light at the end of the tunnel. My DD is fantastic now (after being toxic for many years).
Lulu, I think FionaJill may be right about the board. I think she will have an even stronger sense of entitlement if she is paying to live in your house. She will probably think she doesnt have to pull her weight at all because she is giving you money.
FionaJill...when I was talking to the BF's mother last night she was saying that DD and BF were planning on moving out into their own place. Her exact thoughts on that were "well, I dont know how they are going to that when they cant even pay f***ing board!!".
Looks like they will just have to live and learn!! I dont have the money to dig them out of a hole...we just have our heads above water as it is...and if she goes and falls pregnant, god help us all!!!
given how soon the formal is likely to be, i think laybying a dress is a pointless exercise - she's not gonna pull her head out her butt in time to actually do anything to "earn it" - i would offer to make a dress IF she can pull herself together enough to pay for pattern and material - that's it.
as to everything else, stand your ground! i was a right biatch at that age, and moved out at 17 to get away from my olds (they were no where near as understanding as you are hun!) - i learnt to live on sweet bugger all money at a very young age. i DID get YAL, but i was paying probably 70% of that to accommodation, so i learnt to appreciate every cent. you can't get away with DD not doing anything - you are not her slave, you're her mum - she needs to show you respect. i never got pocket money, and when i started earning money where mum lost FTB (or whatever the equiv was back then) i had to pay board - if i didnt pay, i didn't eat. i didn't get to use the washing machine to clean my clothes, i didn't get to have any "extras" in my room (tv etc), i got a bed, a shower, that's it. i never missed paying my board, and i realised it was a responsibility i needed to take on from a young age. i didn't treat mum and dads place like a resort or motel - it just wasn't something they'd let me get away with! even when i went to uni, if i was "home" or a weekend, it was fine - any longer than that, i had to chip in for food and stuff.
stand your ground. tell her to pull her head out of her butt and help around the house or she'll get nowhere. don't give in - don't let anyone else give in to her. don't compromise - she has to take responsibility for her actions - all actions have consequences!
maybe sit her down and ask if she thinks she's an adult or a child - get her to define what an adult or child is. if she wants to play the child and "mum owes me everything" card, it's simple - you live under my roof, you do what i say. the little ones have to, therefore so do you! if she thinks she is an adult, she needs to live on the actions and consequences - she needs to earn respect. she's not doing anything to help herself in this respect at the moment!
Oh hun im sure ill be coming to you for advice in years to come with my DD!
Only thing i can suggest is to maybe take away something that means alot to her until she starts pulling her weight.. such as a mobile phone if she has one. These things are a teenagers life! If you allow her to go to the mall with her friends or something, tell her shes not going until she does what you need in return.
Maybe you can do that with the dress also. Tell her youll buy her the dress, but she has to give up something else and when she works for it she can have it back?
These are my only suggests i can think of.. im not yet in that situations myself so im unsure if it will or not work.. But hang in there, you are doing a wonderful job.. teenage girls can be like wild flowers.. beautiful but so devious
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im sure ill be coming to you for advice in years to come with my DD!
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