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Thread: Is this normal? Am I a prude?

  1. #1
    kerry Guest

    Default Is this normal? Am I a prude?

    My partners son, Mr7.5 has always liked to play with himself. However recently it as become a very frequent occurrance... He will have a 'pull' 3-5 times a day, in the open regardless of who is around or where he is. He either does so while sitting on the couch or he will lie on his stomach on the floor, hand down the pants and even do the hip movements. When he does this we just ignore him. Both DH and I have explkained that there is nothing wrong with 'exploring' his body but some things are very special and private and that it is better to do them in privacy, like in your bedroom or the bathroom etc. He tells us his SD says he can do it whenever he wants, which we have said is true but that while he can do it when he wants it is much better to do it not where everyone can see.



    Is this abnormal behaviour for a 7.5 boy and should we mention it to his councellor?

    We have both noticed it has gotten more frequent as bigfoots due date approaches.

  2. #2

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    Its perfectly normal, and no you are not a prude! I have similar issues with DD 4...not issues but it has been raised. At first I wasn't sure what she was doing, but then when I asked her why she did X she told me plain and simple "because it feels nice" Can't get too much more honest than that! We've had a chat and she understands its not bad to do that, but its nice manners to do it in private, and definitely NOT in front of others (and its not frequently so its not too much of a concern). My main concern was (and this goes with my history) that her being so aware with her body would cause promiscuity and also attract predetors (big fear of mine) but have spoken to a few people with kids, and psych type people. And they all assure me its normal, and the way I've dealt with it is great because often parents teach that its *bad* etc which can lead to sexual issues in the future. And it doesn't necessarily mean promescuity, abuse, or that it will be an invitation to predators providing the right education is in place iykwim?

    I think he needs to respect your space, and he needs to understand it is NOT ok to do it in front of you, and especially not in front of BF. He needs to learn boundaries and respect yours iykwim?

    Edited to add, but I would be concerned if it were overly frequent iykwim. So maybe just bring it up with a counsellor and see how you go.

    Just my thoughts.

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  3. #3
    kerry Guest

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    Thanks Cailin. Like you my concerns are towards how it will affect Bigfoot and also him in relations to preditors.

    It is also re-asuring to know that we are treating it appropriately.

    I think what is worse is that when he is doing it he has this really creepy, smarmy look on his face (might just be his "gee this feels good" face) and he alwasy has to make eye contact with someone. Its like he needs to know that at least one other person is aware of what he is doing. My latest aproach is as soon as I notice him beginning I will start reading a book or a new house work task so that he doesn't have this oppertunity.

  4. #4

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    Yeah I think there are definite boundry issues, and this is my bigger concern. I would more than likely talk to the counsellor JIC there is a bigger problem, you can never be too careful especially when there is going to be a new family member soon iykwim? Not to sound bad :-s I think if the ignoring is not working then you probably need to take another approach. And just because his SD said he can do it whenever he likes doesn't mean he can when he's at YOUR house, he needs to respect your space plain and simple.

    Goodluck!

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  5. #5
    kerry Guest

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    Councelling did seem to be helping but this Thursday is his first visit since the week before Christmas so there has been some regression.

    Shannon - I cringe when he touches my belly let alone giving him any unsupervised access to bigfoot.

    Most of his session is with the councellor alone. P & I usually have the opportunity to have a private chat with the councellor first to raise issues and we have a small joint session at the end.

    I don't know sometimes I think he is a sociopath in training and othertimes I just see a very mixed up and lonely little boy.

  6. #6

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    Jo..like Shannon has said I do think at 7 its a bit old for this sort of behaviour in public. I havent had a boy that age but I do have a 7yo girl and she definitely is past that sort of behaviour..normally around 3 i think...her sisters were the same. The eye contact thing concerns me as well. I really hope the counselling can help this little guy.

    Jo

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    Just thought I'd refer you to a post I did a little while ago (HERE)on the psychosexual stages that children (and onto adults) go through. Just to show that it is normal behaviour up to a certain age.

  8. #8
    kerry Guest

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    Thanks Sarah I will read that.

  9. #9
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    I have been a step-parent for a few years and one thing we have to remind stepchild EVERY visit, there are rules of acceptable behaviour at mum's house, and there are rules of acceptable behaviour at dad's house. Once we point this out to her, she's fine. Swapping between the two households always throws her for a day or so of each holiday.

    I realise this is probably no use to you (with kid having autism) but i just wanted to morally support you that different ways of living happen in every family setting, you are not a prude, and totally entitled to set boundaries in your own home.

    I think you are acting responsibly but agree professional counsellor help is needed. For all of you, the stepchild needs training and guidance on this behaviour, and you need to feel safe with him in the house.


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