oh thank god i found this thread!! I have been pulling my hair out - that is what is left that hasn't turned friggin grey! DD turns 12 in less then a month, and the last few months have oscillated between hell and "oh there she is that beautiful girl of mine". She sat on the bed last night in tears saying " i dont' know what is wrong with me"...poor little thing. I remember oh so well the agony of adolescence...it was a nightmare.... its hard being on the other side of it, watching it, and being powerless to stop it. I agree with the whole boundaries thing. I think the hardest thing I am having trouble with is having to change "gears" in my parenting.... things that used to work, just dont cut it anymore. Think I will look out for those books mentioned. Did you find then helpful jesabel? I think that the nightmare with DD's father hasn't helped thing either... oh I wish a manual would fall out of the sky and give me all the answers