XP and I are getting a bit concerned about his Mr7.5 and bigfoot (our baby in progress). Sometimes he is really excited about having a "little brother" but when we try to prepare him for the fact bf may be a girl he cracks it (he has ADHD, Epilepsy & Aspergers Syndrome so behaviour can be a problem) and tells us he will hurt the baby if its a girl and "dead it".

I know I am probably being paranoid about this but he is a very violent child and has hurt me before in the past during a tantrum (black eye, split lip, scratches etc). There have been a few times recently where when he hasn't got his own way or I have said no to something he has tried to kick or punch my belly. His father does not tolerate this at all and comes down very quickly and sometimes too hard (imo) as it has all just been threatening behaviour not actual attempts as he is more after my reaction than to make contact.

We try to involve him as much as we can, even though we aren't together anymore (XP and I). We always refer to bf as "our baby" including him. He was given copies of the scan pictures, we have been through books about becoming a big brother, how the baby grows and things like that. We have even asked him about suggestions for name, so far they have all been obscene phrases or that the baby should just be named after him. What more can I do? Even his dad (my XP) is starting to become very concerned. The threats and comments are becoming more violent and graphic and I am really starting to stress.


Mr7.5 has always been a bit of a problem in our relationship. He tends to take great pleasure in telling his father lies about me and what I do and also making his dad choose between the 2 of us. I will admit on a day to day basis I am a lot harder on Mr7.5 than the XP and the rest of his family... I am not unfair or mean or nasty I just treat him the same way I treat any other child. I expect good behaviour and manors and don't give in to everything he wants, even when he threatens a tantrum. Every other adult in his life lets him do anything he wants and excuses it with his illnesses. Maybe I am too hard?!

Anyway any suggestions from those who have a large age gap or who have had to deal with similar issues would really be appreciate.