Um, not really.
The pill doesn't cover STD's which are far more rampant than pregnancy.
You offered the responsibility to have sex but feel she is unable to have the phone, it seems to be the wrong way around imo.
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Um, not really.
The pill doesn't cover STD's which are far more rampant than pregnancy.
You offered the responsibility to have sex but feel she is unable to have the phone, it seems to be the wrong way around imo.
Soul, celibacy is the ONLY reliable contraceptive out there - just ask BB girls how many of them got pregnant on the Pill - and these are adults who are following the instructions, not teens who often take it at different times each day. TBH, putting your daughter on the Pill only teaches her it's OK to have sex, not that it's OK to wait.
I "Offered" my daughter the pill if she "Decided" she was going to become sexualy active, I didnt tell her she had to have it nor did I put her on it, so escirse me I did not offer her to have sex, that is bloody rude of you to suggest I did. I am letting my daughter know if she does become active sexually she has the option of going on the pill, instead of sneaking behind my back and having no contraception whats so ever, and yes to the both of you, she knows about sexxually tramsmitted diseases tyoo and knows what condoms aee used for, but again does not have sex yet so therefore needs noether just yet, but when the time is right she can at least feel relaxed enough to come and ask me about it again.
I havent put my daughter on the pill, I told her if she is going to be sexually active she should go on the pill, and since that is our business only I think you were both very rude in telling me I am wrong as a mother for allowing her to use the pill if and when she decides to have sex.
So once again incase I am not making sense-
MY daughter was not offered the responsability to have sex, she was offerd to have the pill "WHEN" she becomes sexually active, which she is not, as to our talks and my parenting so far!!! I do not see anything wrong with me letting her know about condoms and pills, I think it worse not to teach them about it.
Not that its any ones business anyway!
Soul, I am not having a go at you. A girl age 16 can get the Pill without her mother knowing if she so wishes. But every teenage girl I have ever known whose mother is cool with the Pill has assumed that her mum is cool with sex - if that's you I won't judge whatsoever. Not everyone agrees with keeping sex for just one person - many people no longer believe in marriage - and I will not be drawn into making a blanket judgement on everyone, just wanted to say what my friends and I believed as teens and point out that it isn't that great a contraceptive, especially when you are ill.
I was just horrified my dd who is 13 has a friend who is pregnant at 13..god I was so naive at that age!!!
I personally wont be offering my dds the pill...i want them to respect their bodies for as long as possible and certainly dont want them getting involved in a sexual relationship when they arent ready for it. It scares the hell out of me!!!
Jo
My Dad said to me one day out of the blue when I was 15 if I wanted to go on the pill then make sure I asked. It was good to have a grown up chat with him but it didn't make me rush out and get the pill so I could have sex straight away with the first guy that came along.
When I did DTD with my b/f it took a couple of months before I went and got myself the pill. I was 16 and went and did it for myself. I then told my parents and they were glad. Not glad that I was sexually active, I think they were a bit concerned (and I'm sure Dad wanted to choke b/f when he found out) but glad that I was not afraid to tell them and glad I was being responsible.
I see both offering and getting the Pill as responsible steps.
I think by saying to a daughter "You can go on the Pill when you become sexually active" you are telling her that you realise she is coming to be an adult with normal feelings and that if she's going to explore those feelings she needs to do so responsibly. You are also opening the pathways of communication with her so IF she wants, in the future, to go on the Pill, she knows it's ok to talk to you about it. I think getting the Pill and condoms (i don't know about in Aus but in the UK they give you 36 condoms for every 3 month script of the Pill you get from the Family Planning Folk - you can even choose the kind you prefer) show a level of maturity which i'd want to see in my daughter (and myself) before i engaged in sex. I had sex with my first boyfriend once and then abstained until i was on the Pill. We used condoms anyway but i knew they weren't failsafe so i wanted to be sure i was doubly protected before we had sex again. I was in my 20's before i had consensual sex without a condom, after STD testing, with a long-term partner. I have had condoms break on me (or rather, in me) and at the time i was happy to be worrying about MY health, MY life, MY relationship and NOT have to be worrying about another person (baby) too. From that point of view being on the Pill made a big difference to me as a teen. I felt that if i got an STD it'd potentially ruin my life but if i got pregnant it might very well ruin the baby's too. I took it at 9am everyday without fail. I knew exactly how it worked and how to use it. I was young but i was not stupid.
I'd much rather my daughter feared STD's and teenage pregnancy than sex. Sex is a natural part of life and it feels good. I would not want Smee to have sex prematurely or for the wrong reasons but equally i don't see the point in telling her horror stories or highlighting the bad bits since this will just make me out to be a liar when she does finally have sex (unless she has a disastrous sexlife forever which is hardly something i'd hope for).
In my home as a kid sex was not discussed except in general terms (mum was an HIV/AIDS worker and always manned the health stand on World AIDS Day but this only ever meant there were stacks of condoms in the house - sex was still something other people's kids did, not hers). I was able to get the Pill myself at 14 (confidentiality is across the board, not from 16 onwards, GP's can only break the hippocratic oath if they know a crime is being comitted and even then they can face official reprisal fo it) but, and this was SO much more important, i had NO-ONE i could talk to about sex. About what loving sex is, about what sex should be for and about, about how the mechanics and emotions are supposed to tie up. There is no-one who will tell our children these things if we do not.
Soul, what you said about you asking your daughter if she got butterflies when she saw him make me want to cry - what a wonderful mother to talk on that level!
I personally think teaching celibacy to teenagers is relatively pointless. Teenagers have the reputation of being moody, selfish, confused, mysterious creatures. They have to be nagged to get up, go to school, come in on time, put their dirty clothes in the right place, have a reasonable conversation about something. They are capable of blowing up massively over something one minute and hugging us and saying "love you mum" the next. And we expect these emotionally labile, sometimes volatile, self-concerned (quite naturally) people to ignore a basic physical need until...when, consent, maturity, marriage?
As Sammi and Soul's stories both prove, offering one's child the Pill doesn't mean they'll accept it. It is good to teach that it's ok to wait, but IMO not useful to act like they must or will.
Bx
I think its a great idea to inform our DD about the pill and all other contraceptives, they learn about them in school young anyways. Soul ur doing a great job (not that u need anyone to tell u!) ur her mother and u know wats best for ur DD. u sound like u have a great open and honest relationship with her.
I was 14 when I first had sex. I had no preparation at all to know and deal with all the emotions and feelings I had..and really ran out and did it with my first 'real' boyfriend. I honestly feel though, that yes while its wonderful to be able to talk to our daughters about the options that will protect her..id much rather know that she is respecting herself, knowing that we are there for her, not condoning immature sex but not burying our heads in the sand either, encouraging her to make responsible choices so she doesnt have regret and live with the consequences of that.
Jo
hey Bec, when did you meet Jess?????? the way you describe her its as if you know her LOL:
OK So I haven't read all of the replies just yet. I just want to say that I feel the more you deny it the more it is likely to happen without your knowledge. I would rather know where and with whome my daughter was with.
Have this boy over, he may even be nice. He may have her best interests at heart too. (you never know) Atleast by them being at your house together you can keep an eye on things. Your daughter sounds like a smart girl with her head screwed on right. She doesn't sound like she's in any sort of hurry to loose her virginity which is awesome too.
I was 15 when I met my first boyfriend, he was 20. We met when I was on work experience. He was a nice guy, still is. He never pressured me into having sex or anything else with him. Of course we did eventually do it but it was very much consential too. We went out for quite some time too, until I decided I wanted to explore other avenues ;)
This guy also had his own plave out the back of his parents and yes we were free to do whatever out there (he was an adult afterall) but it sure wasn't abused either.
I think what it comes down to is trusting and believing in your daughter. Believe that she will make the right decisions. Let her know that it is ok to say no if she feels uncomfortable at anytime in their relationship. And always have daddy as back up. It's so hard to see your kiddies - you baby, growing up, isn't it.
Lulu, I think you are being more than a bit harsh on the pill v the phone. Before every man and his dog had a mobile phone teenage sex was still an issue, so I can see why mobile phones aren't considered by some parents to be a must have for their children.
I was on the pill at 14 to combat my vicious periods and not once did I take that as permission to go and have sex with the first boy I fell 'in love' with. In fact it was all my classmates who's parents didn't give them the offer that had pg scares and bad experiences with boys. The pill is a starting point in making them responsible for their own protection and yes it may only be from pg but to a lot of teens that is their biggest concern. Sadly there probably are teens with enough sexual experience to have to worry about STI's as well.
I think Soul is doing a great job of being able to at least talk to her daughter about this and all the possible ramifications of doing it. Of course as parents we would all like our teenagers - when we have them - to stay celibate until they are 'old enough' but who is to say what is old enough exactly? Is it truly out of cncern for them or are we just not wanting to have to deal with the fall out of bad experiences, broken hearts and the big one, their 'reputation'?
The fact is, more teens are having sex now than what they ever did in our generation and we have to learn how to deal with that, not chastise other parents for what they believe is important to them.
Soul started this thread as she wanted advice on how to tackle a problem that every single one of us will have in the future. For those of us who haven't gotten to that stage yet we can only offer our experience from the teen perspective and what our parents rules were for us but it is a very different game these days. Society has made teens grow up faster than what they ever have and what we did at that age is vastly different to now - they move out of home earlier, get jobs, get a life! Treat them with respect and value their opinion and they will respect you back - it may not be exactly what you want them to do but if you can keep the lines of communication open they will come to you more readily.
bec omg you just described Chloe-Mae to a tee lmao! You are going to make one heck of a fab mother when your babe is a teenager!!
*Blanchie* thank you so much, as long as my dd can trust in me, I know where she is at with her life, if I instill fear in her about this and that and feel if she decided to do things , she will feel she cannot come to me and could end up way worse than just using the pill.
Sherie you so totally get me and my thinking,thank you so very much. Another fab mother in my eyes!And can I say "wowowowowow" YOU SO GET IT!!!! My daughter just read this and said " she is soooooooo cool" lol.
My daughter and I sat here together and read through this, and she like me shook her head at some of the accusations as me being irresponsebile, and yes that is what some of you were more or less saying. And yet, I am trying to protect my daughter not wrap her up in cotton wool so she does not understand what choices she has out there when the time comes.
Some parents think that there child see's them like a god and that they will repsect every single thing they say, I have never met a child that does not do something behind there parents back . Even if it is just something very mild. Peer pressure will over ride any parents wish eventually and especially if its a "BOY" that she is interetsed in.
I would rather walk the woods with my blinders off, than walk the woods and trust in hope I dont go near danger! Teenagers are unpredicatable.
My almost 17 year son has still not had sex because his girlfrind of 6 months is not ready. He is still a virgin himself . All his mates at Tafe drinks, smoke weed and have sex, and Josh has done neither! He is a health fanatic which I have installed in him as I have done with all my children.
My hubbie is a reformed alcholic of 7 years now and my teenagers grew up seeing what alchol can do to families, so they are very much wise little thinkers, and my son is on his way to his life long dream of becoming a Health and Fitness trainer . So yeah I must have been such a irrasponsabile mother to him to!
I think telling your teenager she cant have, is playing with fire, I think telling yor teenager she has options if she is going to start a sexual relationship and to come to you when that time does come
because she should use contreseption is very wise. Its pretty rare that the first person your daughter sleeps with is going to be her one and only for the rest of her life, so respecting herself is not only about putting sex off till the right one comes along since there is pretty much no such thing, I mean seriously does our first sexual partner stay with us for the rest of our life? I teach my daughters that respecting herself comes from within, no man or boy can ever take that away from her.
[/QUOTE] teach my daughters that respecting herself comes from within, no man or boy can ever take that away from her.[/QUOTE]
Absolutely Soul....thats exactly it.. i also want to try and preserve innocence for as long as possible too.
Jo
Jo I would love to preserve many things in them till they are adults but the sad thing is when they are going to school they hear so many differenet stories of sex and what its like, who's doing it, how many they have had, "Innosense" lost! And then they meet that boy !!! That boy who makes there heart beat a thousand times per second, that boy who makes all those wonderful butterlfies go crazy deep in the pit of ther tummies, and there hormones are on holidays!!!
Wether its talked about at home or not, they know about it, they think about it, they day dream about it............the moment they understand what sex is, they are curious and want to know how it feels, must be good if everyone is doing it.........I wonder what its like!!!!!!
Unfortunatley my innosense led me to teenage pregnancy at 16 because my mother never thought it was the right time to educate me and give me options, I want better than that for my own daughters kwim?
But jo I so get you and wish it could be like that in this day and age, unless we lock em up and not share them with the rest of the world, we have a chance, but if we allow them to grow and explore the world and themselves then sadly we dont have control over there every move and there every thought. I mean they do have sex in toilets at school, they do have sex at the back of the bus, they do have sex, at the movies unless mama is there watching, unless mamma doenst allow her the benafit of the doubt to not be around a boy and trust in her, which then leads to more problems.
Oh if the world was so different or if we as mothers are just able to talk to them more and give them options should they so need them!
I'd just like to thank you all for your differing perspectives - I have/had a 15 year old stepdaughter who has had a bf for 6 months, and this has really helped me understand where she might be in terms of her relationship. Unfortunately I don't get to see her much, but I'm really realising that she's a great girl who's growing up into a wonderful woman.
Again, thanks.
Soul, hun, I'm not saying your girl is irresponsible. I am, however, casting my mind back 10 years and remembering how it was for my friends and me. We all had issues with our parents though! But even the bright girls who knew about teen pregnancy (such as my sister) would often forget to take a Pill. I must admit, I went on it to sort out my periods, never thinking of the side-effects later, but even so I wasn't the best at taking it, some days it would be after school/work rather than before.
I'm just saying what and how we felt as teens and that is what will influence my parenting more than a messageboard, when all is said and done, about this topic. Yes, I will be teaching my children that abstainance is great simply because it was for me - and DH and many other boyfriends respected that.
Then again, my mum wanted to hear I was sleeping with my boyfriend because if I were then it would be more OK for my little sister to, so after a couple of months I just gave up and lied and said I was! Also, "offering" the Pill was "You're going on the Pill because you have a boyfriend and I don't want you pregnant as you're going to sleep with him," which is different to your situation.
Knowledge is better than the wishful thinking that our kids listen to us! I was raped at 14 and if I had known about the pill, would have used it. All I can do is give her the options and if she forgets to take a pill "when she is using it" then that is her responsability and lesson, I cannot live someone elses lessons and mistakes I can only supply the knowlwdge on it, the rest is up to her. If I pick up after her with every wrong doing what will she ever learn in life. I am not going to stop her using the pill cause she might forget to take it, you can lead a horse to water but you cant make then drink!
Soul I so know where you are coming from..really i do. Ask me this question many years ago and I undoubtably wouldnt have hesitated in putting my dd on the pill too, however our situations arent the same..i have a long way to go til Jess is the same age as your Chloe-May, and we know just how much time changes within a few years.
Im looking at my kids with their friends over right now, out in the back yard with making up a dance to present for school in a couple of weeks time and I am thinking just how quickly we seem to want kids to rush into adults..or mini adults doing adult things. I guess Im looking at it from the perspective of kids just wanting to be kids ya know..for as long as possible. My girls do basketball, hockey, gym, ..they have active little bodies and healthy minds. I just want them to be enjoying the simpleness of not being inundated with adult complications. When I was talking to Jess before she told me about a couple of girls who are on the pill..i asked her what she thought about that..and she replied..they are stupid girls mum...they shouldnt be thinking about that yet. (thats a 13yo perception)
I guess since doing a lot of studying on the sexualisation of girls in our society, im so mindful of being open to the kids, and their friends who are sooooo very chatty lol, but there are lots of things that kids can focus on, after school activities, fun times with family and friends, homework etc..not just boys..boys are just one part of it.
Im sorry ive just seen your post. I cant imagine how that would have been for you...so very sorry
Jo
I think this age group is the hardest to parent Soul, I sometimes feel like I am blindly heading into who knows what with it, it seems every day is a new challenge or decision to make. I love having a baby as well cause he is sooo easy by comparison (only cause he's my 3rd mind you!!) Its funny as a teenager I had all these great ideas of how I was going to be with my kids but now as a mum I can see more of why my mum did things. I am torn ATM between the chat openly about sex and look like I am condoning it and ignoring it and putting her in possible danger- its so hard.
We are currently fighting about alcohol. We have said that she may have a big party for her 16th but there will be NO alcohol at all and no one who is drunk will be allowed in. This has made us the worst parents in the world cause EVERYONE drinks at 16ths and NO ONE at all will come if they aren't allowed to drink (according to Jess) I said well they can't be very good friends if that will stop them coming but apparently I don't understand!
Oh god Christine..you poor thing!!!
Jo
jo I agree , chloe and jess are at different stages as that 2 years difference is unbelievable in terms of how much they change! I honestly thought jess was 15 too not sure why, cauae you have her age in your siggy! She is a smart cookie sweetie and your doing a fantastic job in rearing them, all of them!2 years ago Chloe-Mae was playing with her sisters at the park, now she is playing all the emotional games we do as we enter the big world and I want to wrap her up and not let her go through that yet, but she will do it with or without me, as they legally can leave home now, so instead of fighting with her I will go along this ride with her and try and steer her in all the right directions and let her know I am there with her not against her and I can still be her friend as wlel as her mother.
She is not having sex , she is just trying to find herself and asking alot more questions about sex, I am doing what I can to prepare her for that huge step instead of ignoring it and hoping it will go away or she will be that good girl and abstaine I am teaching her what she should and has to know.
christine I sympathise with you but stick to your guns and one day she will learn full respect and what a hard job being a other is and she will be just like you with her children because she learnt from the best!!!!
OMG! Talk about RUN with it.
It was about responsibility for a mobile phone v responsibility for having sex and the pill. I think it's a fair call, surely you can't consider these issues even close to each other in weight?
Soul, where did anyone accuse you of being irresponsible? I reread the thread and can't see anyone questioning you as a parent. I certainly didn't.
I'd like to point out that I actually have a 15 yr old, and a 17 yrd old DSD, I have long worked with and advocated for teens and teen mothers.
I'll address a point that I did not raise. It's not enough to "be cool" and tell your daughter she can go on the pill, nor is it to put her on it to prevent pregnancy "just in case". Teen girls may be unpredictable, irrational and old beyond their years, but they are not rampant tarts unable to control their hormones - to treat them so is to breed it, and insulting. I have seen the results of "cool" yet irresponsible mothering. Too much focus on the mechanics of sex and too little of the emotional responsibilities, highs and lows. The good feelings and the bad, the respect that needs to come from both sides of a relationship, sexual or not.
Soul, the above paragraph does not refer to you. Clearly you have and do focus on more than just the sex side of things with Chloe-Mae. Those wonderful tingly feelings you get with a crush, giggling with your girlfriends about it and panicking when you see HIM unexpectedly....aaaah. There's more to it than sex, I think teens that are comfortable about that will rarely be pressured into doing it on the back of the bus.
yes lu I do have a habit of running off at the mouth, terrible isnt it! lmao sorry but "cool" is her way of saying "understanding of us teens"! Not the way your interpreting it! Glad you had the patients to re read the thread wow it was long ha!
Neither you nor I know the perfect way to deal with it, she is my daughter so I guess I am dealing with it the best I know how. If that doesn't go with others ways, so be it, if that isnt how tom **** or harry would deal with it, poo hoo to them , if that isnt how society does it, poo them too because she is in my care and she is not loved the way I love her by anyone else.
SO therefore thank you to all the wonderful people that see's I am just doing what I feel is best for my child. Who in afect is a wonderful human being and NOT HAVING SEX!!!
It was me who said teenagers are unpredictable etc. I am one of the "rampant tarts" you refer to, since i was on the Pill as a teen. I don't understand why talking about contraception with your child will breed them into a rampant tart. The implication there is that to have sex is a weakness and we will encourage the weakness by addressing the practicalities of it. Why is it insulting to say "i know you're becoming an adult and having these feelings, let's talk about how exploring those feelings can be and steps you need to take to stay safe emotionally AND physically?". Why is that insulting?:
Teen girls may be unpredictable, irrational and old beyond their years, but they are not rampant tarts unable to control their hormones - to treat them so is to breed it, and insulting.
Can you not simultaneously educate your child to only have sex when they're ready AND know what to do (contraception-wise) before they take the step? Why will discussing the Pill make people have sex? Why is saying "protect yourself" translating into "shag around"?
Knowledge is power. Teaching our children about all aspects of sex and relationships is important. Telling half the story in the hopes that they will decide to stay virgins forever seems hopelessly naive IMO and i cannot see me doing it.
To me teen sex (past the age of consent) is only a negative if it impacts negatively. If the teens concerned are in a healthy relationship where they talk to each other, are "in love" as much as one is at that age (which i think differs from person to person), and no-one is being coerced or pressured, and the sex is as safe as possible (Pill and condoms) then i do not see what the problem is. Yes, so much MORE than the Pill needs to be discussed before a teen can be sure they're doing the right thing by entering a sexual relationship, but i can't see how discussing the Pill in itself does anything negative.
Bx
Hi Soul,
Just wanted to say I think you are doing a great job with your DD.
I sooooo don't know how I will be on this topic with my DD.
I hope I will be as understanding and approachable as you.
Bec, as usual , you made a lot of sense to me! Bravo
ella's mum, thank you so very much sweetie, that means a lot to me! I'm not perfect as a mother but am doing the best I know how!
This is just irritating, I can't believe I have to deconstruct my post and explain myself again.
Didn't I just say it is not enough to put a teen on the pill? Didn't I say teens are NOT rampant tarts, where did I say a teen on the pill is a rampant tart?
What implication? I wasn't talking about discussion, I was talking about the hundreds of mothers that think they are cool actually putting their daughter on the pill so they don't get pg, and nothing further.
Bec, please take it from me, in 10 yrs time when you are talking to Esme, phrases like "let's talk about exploring how those feeling can be" are a sure-fire way to have her run screaming from the room.
Protecting yourself from being pg is ONE thing. What about the hurt and pain of rejection, rushing into having sex to keep the boy from shagging your best friend, finding out you have an STD and the whole school knows too? etc etc etc. No one is bothering to address THOSE issues in here and words, rumours and innuedo can be far more damaging to a young teen.
Lulu...i think youve really hit it on the head!!!! Those issues are huge!!!
I also would rather be looking at the issues at hand that create the underage sex (like misguided information, parents not plugged in, boredom, labuse,ack of direction etc) rather than think its normal for all teenagers to behave sexually when they are not ready for it.
Jo
Hm I agree with those issues as well and never said they do not get talked about, none of you have any idea what we talk about here but its obvious enough that she's listened to cause again
"SHES NOT HAVING SEX"! doesnt want to yet!!!! I am repeating myself over an dover here saying that we talk abot it and I let her know that if she is going to jump into it, no thats not a persmission from me by the way, thats been protective about her not getting pregnant and diseases, that there is contraseption out there to use.
Anyway my daughter has been dumped loads of times, she doenst end up a emotional wreck over it to the point I got to get her a councellor, or I am classed as not seeing her BIg stuff bigger than the sex itself! I understand all that, but that still doenst mean I should not discuss sex with her.
So since some of you feel you know it all about teenage girls I will ask you this-
If you daughter comes to you one day, shock horror if it be your daughter, and says to you-
"My boyfriend and I have discussed sex and are going to do it" what will you say to her? And keep in mind she will go do this regardless of what you say, wether or not you think you have raised her the right way. Are you still not going to let her n the pill to be safe? or r u going to be ever so trusting that you have more say so than her boyfriend with her and she will be a good girl?
Yes I too feel I have raised strong indepedent children/girls especially but the moment she got the boy of her dreams I saw the changes grandually in her, and its to be expected they cannot be the person you wnat for the rest of there lives, they do grow and become sexually aware.
Its the mothers who dont see it coming that end up with the daughter who is pregnant and are so shocked because they swore blind there daughter would never do such a thing. I wont hide anything form my daughters I want them to know they are coverd and can look after themselves.
And yes the emotional drama of it all, is always there and in "Our" home open for discussion!
Soul please dont think I am judging you in any way shape or form, Im just coming at things from a different perspective and not talking about your dd speficially, but teenage girls in general.xxxx
Jo
So how would you deal with it jo? What would you do? This is the question below , that I ask all mothers not you in specific!
If you daughter comes to you one day, shock horror if it be your daughter, and says to you-
"My boyfriend and I have discussed sex and are going to do it" what will you say to her? And keep in mind she will go do this regardless of what you say, wether or not you think you have raised her the right way. Are you still not going to let her on the pill to be safe? or r u going to be ever so trusting that you have more say so than her boyfriend with her and she will be a good girl?
What would I say? I would ask why she wanted to. Same with my son - I would ask why - not physically, but emotionally and mentally. That's far more important.
Yes, sex is great, but sex is WAAAAAY better in a secure relationship, such as a marriage. I will be raising my children to know that. They will know about contraception, yes, but more about emotions and things that surround sex, not to mention the rumour mill and how it works (I had one ex-boyfriend spread a rumour I was pg, which shocked my current boyf as he got worried as to the how!).
I have to say I'm finding some aspects of this thread quite interesting. I geuss I look at this issue from a very differant perspective in that I know alot of women and men who chose to remain celibate until after marriage (or are unmarried and celibate) so I don't see it as a given that woman (or man) will lose her virginity as a teenager or that she will have multiple parners before she settles down with a life-partner. I'm aware that in the current climate that this attitude is unusual and to a certain extent subversive in that rejects the sexualisation that underpins alot of our cultural discourse.
Personally I think that most young women are wise enough to understand a 2 dimensional approach. That these steps are nessescary to protect from preganacy and STDs but that a better protection is abstinence and a partner who respects them enough to not to pressure them into sex before they're ready.
I don't really agree with the stereotyping of all teenagers as moody and belligerant either. Some of the most intelligent and coherant women I know are teenagers. TBH some of them are more mature than many of the supposedly adult women I know.
I think the pill covers one aspect of teenage sex. I dont endorce any "stuff" going into our bodies. I myself dont use the pill, so its difficult in that regard. The discussions that we have had so far have leant towards...just like Sammy isnt ready to write...kids young teenagers bodies (body,mind,soul)arent ready to deal with the problems around underage sex.
Think im just gonna continue to keep the girls busy!!!!
Jo
No sex is best till emotionally ready, but even then are we are ready for that first time and what affects is has on us, if you say yes then wholy grail your amazing! You cant teach someone how they will feel the fist time, it is impossible.
And Ryn if she still wanted to have sex even after your whys"? What then?
I had my first at 16 then had Chloe at 18 so she understands how hard it was, she is not in a rush for sex, but I still wanted her to know about the options of contraception, and I will not feel guilty for that.
No ones actually answering the question with a answer. lol because its a hard one, and we cannot predict anything for the furure till your child "IS" at that age, you can teach till the cows come home but there is no 100% garuntee that your child will not be haivng sex as a teenager.
Well it is still illegal..maybe id try that approach lol..much the same way that if she comes to me and says mum..me and my have all talked about it and we want to get drunk/use drugs this weekend. Im the parent..im not going to say..sure honey whatever...thanks for talking to me about it.
Jo
Oh I do, I tell them they can do what they like and run the house and make all the decisions too! NOT
So you have said no as the parent would, and she doenst listen to you and still goes and does it! And you did not proctect her with contraception because you tried to explain only the emotional side to sex so you now feel that will detour her from sex. So since you did not condole that pill she gets pregnant form her first encounter of a sexual act.
Not meaning to sound like a real drag, but I have done all the educaitng I can with my daughter too, and so far she hasnt had sex, but I know its only a matter of time, so I prepare ahead, and in doing this I have had much negativity on my desiciosn as a mother form this thread. I am in the position right now, its not something I can just think ahead about and say I will do this and that, and my child will know more than just the pill. I am in the present now and I am learning that sometimes in parenthood it doenst always go the way we "Plan".
My children are their own people, not extensions of me - I can't make them do anything, only hope to guide their actions as best I can. If my children still wanted teenage sex then I'd feel like I have failed. I can't stop them having sex, I can only try to protect them from thinking it's the most important part of a relationship or growing up.
Actually, if they did still want sex I'd show them all the graphic pics of childbirth and STDs I have lying around the house! That medical degree has to come in for something LOL. But I'm educating my boy NOW about why sleeping around is bad; he may not understand it, but he will know right from the start, since before he can remember, that sleeping around is bad and if you're not married then what's to stop your lover from leaving time and time again? Serial monogamy, as it is called, isn't the same as marital sex - comparing stories with serial monogamists, I think I have by far the better deal. I don't worry about DH if we don't have sex for a week or two. Sex just gets better and better. We don't have to come up with new ideas to keep the other interested - we are able to trust each other and share so much more than serial monogamists seem to do. Anyway. I can't stop anyone from having sex, I can only hope to educate against it. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at 16, 18, 21, 30, 40... only your attitude towards it. And if losing your virginity is more important than forming a loving, long-term, stable relationship then you aren't mature enough for sex!
Don't be daft. Contraception is done to death at school and emotions not at all, that's why it's important. If my baby boy at 16 wanted sex then he'd know I disapproved, he'd know he wasn't being big or clever, but he'd also know how to use a condom.:
So you have said no as the parent would, and she doenst listen to you and still goes and does it! And you did not proctect her with contraception because you tried to explain only the emotional side to sex so you now feel that will detour her from sex. So since you did not condole that pill she gets pregnant form her first encounter of a sexual act.
And what makes you think my children won't listen to me and respect me when I say no anyway? Maybe you brought your children up to understand Mummy doesn't mean No, but I'm not doing that!
Also, I don't condone the Pill because it screws up your fertility and cycles when you do want a baby - you need to think of that too, which you don't as a teen. It doesn't protect from STDs. It doesn't work if not taken correctly or you get a D&V bug. So you can have safe sex with out the Pill, just it won't be as good as marital sex.