teenager girl chat

Kezza i know exactly what are you talking about my dd is 12, we dont like her on computer without supervision as we found a few things and sites she looked at we were not happy about. We ticked the keep a copy of all conversations on her msn so we can read all her conversations, and we only do this because of the way she had behaved on an earlier conversation with someone that was not appropriate for a 12 year old. Dd is not allowed on computer without us and isnt allowed on particular sites or she looses the priviledge of using computer. We know her msn password and check often the people she has on her list and also read her emails, i know this may sound a little over the top but the internet is not safe for curious teens, but that is my opinion. Dd is aware that we check and she didnt like it at first but now she accepts the fact that if we dont have acess either does she. I think though the more you ban your dd the more she will sneak around, so maybe set some boundaries and see if that helps. Good luck.

Kezza, have a read of the other threads in here, there is some good perspective in here somewhere.

I just say to give her a little room to prove herself...

hey kezza
i know where you are coming from
i have 2 girls who both go msn and they both tell me they know who they are talking to but it still scares me .and my 13 is so addicted to it she will wait to i go to bed then jump on the computer .i got up one night and it was 2am and she was sitting on the computer she has been banned ever since .
at the moment she is grounded as she was meant to be a freinds house the other night and she was meant to be home by 8.30 she didnt rock up until 11.30 i could have killed her and she just dosent get here that i nearly died of worrying kids just dont care anymore i would have been way too scared to come home at that hour at that wasnt the worse of it they were meant to be at her house but they were in the bush at a campsite with 5 boys .its scary being a mum of a teenager

Thanks Abb and Lulu, I think you're right.... when she gets off her ban we will sit down and talk about it and maybe do as you said.
Shazza, man these teenage girls know how to push your buttons don't they!!!One of my DDs friends does the same as your DD, they have caught her on it after they have gone to bed too! A bit harder for mine cos the family room is next to our room and we leave the door open to listen out for the baby.I know what you mean about how they don't think or understand about how scary it is for us when we don't know where they are, they are so sure that they could get themselves out of any trouble, they are bullet proof they think. I keep saying to her I just need to know because if there is trouble and I don't know where you are then how can I come to help you? She thinks that cos we live in a smallish country town that nothing could happen here, I tell her that you don't always know who is visiting from out of town though.

hi ladies, just thought I would bump this thread, and see how we are all doing with our gorgeous teenage daughters.

I have noticed that laura's moods move with her cycle. about 2 weeks before af arrives she starts getting cranky and irritable, and unable to control her behaviour. it builds and builds til she finally explodes, and it ends with a massive arguement between us. the last one, about a week ago, was particularly unpleasent, with her pushing me physically, and her taking off for 2 hours. Dh and I went looking for her 3 times, driving up and down our road. We live in a rural area, with a very long road. by the time it got to 5 o'clock I was convinced she had been abducted, and was laying in a ditch raped and murdered, and was becoming quite hysterical. I was very unhappy with how I had behaved, it was not one of my better mothering moments. I ended up finding her, sitting under the bridge that runs over the creek that makes up part of our driveway, sitting there crying. about three days later af arrived. I'm thinking of trying her on evening primrose oil, and b6.
Anyone else noticed significant behaviour changes in their daughter premenstration? and have you tried anything to "treat"it?

My dd sounds similiar, i have just started to notice the same behaviour around a week or so before af. I have decided to take her to a naturapath as she is so tired all the time and even worse around this time. I know how difficult it is when it first arrives, dd has only had hers for a few months and last week i found her in tears sitting on her bed, i asked what was wrong and she said "i hate my period", she had swimming at school for the whole week so i new she was finding it hard to cope.
Ikwym with being unhappy with how you behaved, personally sometimes i can really overreact the situation i have done this many times and when i sit back and think about it i feel like an idiot in a way. Dd has her moments lately, she can be fantastic and very helpful with ds but then she can be a total b*^%@ too when she wants to be. We are still having issues with Dp and her, he just wont back off sometimes and it gets very frustrating as she just doesnt listen to a thing he says and admits it, the other day he asked her to do something and i repeated it and said to her did you hear what we just said and her comment was i heard u i just chose to ignore you. Omg i thought i was going to erupt, if i had said that to my parents when i was her age i wouldnt be here today. I would never had been game to say something like that anyway. Anyway thats my little whinge, glad you bumped it up again Tiggerandpooh.

i've had endless battles with both my DD's to the point that both have left to go back to their father and then ooops! realised that he wasn't the hero he makes himself out to be. after four months, DD2 is coming home, having made a sideways apology for her behavious - but i'm setting much firmer ground rules this time. i love her dearly but refuse to be her punching bag again.

Hi everyone, I have to agree about their cycle affecting their behaviour , I have noticed that with my DD too.But like you Dragonfly I won't be her punching bag. A bit of lee way is fine but they will need to learn to deal with hormones just like everyone else. I too am still having problems with her and DP , fault on both sides though. Last night she he
called him a d***head, af is on its way!!Don't you feel like its liking tight rope walking sometimes trying to keep everyoneif not happy then not angry at each other!!

absolutely, Kezza. i never thought being a mum would entail also being an arbitration judge!

here here! ditto!!!!

its the same in our house. I wake up every morning anxious, not sure what the mood will be today.

ok - who here on this thread is in a "blended family" (god I hate that term - i always imagine people jumping into a blender, and pressing the pulse button, and everyone getting whipped up - hang on a minute - that is exactly what happens!!!!!! arghhh!) anyway, i digress...

I'm just wondering how much of what we are experiencing is "normal moody female teenage behaviour" and how much of it has to do with the situation they are in... if that makes sense.

Is anyone on this thread not in a blended family?

[QUOTE=tiggerandpooh;1427205]ok - who here on this thread is in a "blended family" (god I hate that term - i always imagine people jumping into a blender, and pressing the pulse button, and everyone getting whipped up - hang on a minute - that is exactly what happens!!!!!! arghhh!)

lol tiggerandpoo it sometimes feel that way.

Blended one here.

Can I join too. My DD is 13 turning 36. She thinks she should be able to do whatever she wants whenever she wants but not have any responsibility.

I have started setting some basic ground rules around here, not just for her but the others as well. My DD and 2 DS's now have to get themselves up in the morning and get themselves ready for school. I was sick of yelling at them constantly to get ready.

I have had money go missing from my purse and not being sure of who is taking it, they are all having to cop an ear blasting about it.

My DD has established her AF cycle now and she does get very moody around that time. Her and my DF usually get along very well but she can be an aggravating little biatch and act like she is older than him. The problem is that DF has tried to be a friend to my kids instead of another adult and it is starting to backfire on him. He is tougher on his own DD who is only 2 lol.

Another thing I have found is that DD is sneaking into my room and taking my small BOB. I mean WTF she is 13 and shouldn't even be thinking about sex yet but we have found out in the last week that she has a boyfriend who is in year 10. She doesn't like the boys her own age cause they are so immature lol. Will have to keep an eye on this.

To complicate this, her biological fathers family have found out about her only a couple of months ago and have instigated contact. It has worked out well except that her bio father has completely snubbed her (he never had anything to do with her anyway - only a sperm donor really). The grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins have been fantastic. Her stepdad and I divorced in 2005 but we still have a great friendship and she still goes to see him, with her brothers, every weekend. We collaborate on all decisions and back each other up when it comes to discipline. As I said earlier DD and DF usually get on really well but there can be some nastiness on both sides and I have to pull her up and then tell him to remember that he is the other adult and not to put up with the crap. OMG what a balancing act lol.

Sorry for the epic ladies but have to get it out. Will check in regularly now that I know it is here

Kim

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ok - who here on this thread is in a "blended family" (god I hate that term - i always imagine people jumping into a blender, and pressing the pulse button, and everyone getting whipped up - hang on a minute - that is exactly what happens!!!!!! arghhh!) anyway, i digress...

I'm just wondering how much of what we are experiencing is "normal moody female teenage behaviour" and how much of it has to do with the situation they are in... if that makes sense.

Is anyone on this thread not in a blended family?

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I think my blender broke! My nightmare atm is that DH hates my DD, its so hard and its killing me. I really need to vent but no time tonight so will you put up with it all tomorrow??

oh mrsmac :hug: Vent away hun. Fun isn't it? NOT! Sometimes I could happily thump my DH followed with - who is the adult here??????

O geez, Its my turn after you mrsmac - I sat here yesterday trying to work out what I needed to vent about FIRST...and got nowhere.
Back in later...

Where has everyone gone lol???

I have been logging in regularly hoping to get some management tips and everything has gone quiet. My DD has been in one of her helpful moods lately (so thankful lol) but I'm not sure how long that will last.

I have only 37 days to go until I have the next one and so want my kids to start picking up after themselves. DD has her room like a tip but I'm not going over the top about it (trying to pick my fights) but would like her to help out more around the house. I had heaps more chores to do than what she has ever had. Maybe I should have done what my mum did and gave her heaps too.

Keep on chatting ladies

hi there ladies, forgive me for just barging in...i've been following this thread for a while....

my 16yr old DD2 is moving back in..."brace the mains'l, captain, she's gonna blow!"

i'm hoping we do ok this time :)

Kim I started an entirely different thread on my princess.................FUN!

Hi girls , this thread has gone a little quiet. Well Kim when i was pregnant with ds my dd was not really much help around the house but now since having hamish she has ben pretty good considering, but in saying that she still can chuck a hissy every now and then when asked to help out. We are still having conflict between dp and dd but a little less often.
Lulu i have been reading your thread on your princess, they are certainly a challrngr to say the least these teenage girls.

Hi evryone, I'm hoping that if it all goes quiet on this thread then its cos it's all going well with our darlings? Not cos world war 3 has started and we haven't got time to post!!!
:lol: My DD has been pretty good still not liking DP much but I can live with it as long as its not war!!
And yes we are a mix master family too:pray: It'll all work out wont it?

Having a few issues here atm but somewhat normal at this age i think..
Dd is in one of her moods (time of the month) and challenging absolutely everything we say atm (more dp than me). We bought her a mobile phone for her birthday and up until the last month or so she rarely used it as most of her friends didnt have them but now it seems almost everyone has one therefore hers is going consistantly and is driving us crazy so we have place the following rules which to her are just "UNFAIR" and we are "PICKING ON HER".
1. Phone is turned off at bedtime and left in loungeroom (as she was getting messages at 12.30am from a friend who apparently couldn't sleep grrrrrrrr).
2. No Phone before school unless she is dressed and ready for school.
3. No phone to be taken to school unless she rides (which is security more for me).
4. No Phone sunday evenings (family tea at my parents, dad made a rule no phones, ipods, ds etc)
5. No credit unless she does chores to earn money.
6. Phone is turned off during homework and dinner times.

Thats about it and i dont think we are being unreasonable as i think having a phone at 12 is a priviledge not a necessity and if she cant be responsible to live by these simple rules i will take it off her.

We are trying to set boundaries atm with her and she has been doing really well up until the phone thing, Dp has threaten to take it off her but i said once we have given her the rules we need to give her a chance, these were discussed with her last night and she isn't talking to either of us atm as apparently the phone was a gift and she should be able to do with it as she pleases... grrrrrr

Abb, none of the rules seem unfair or unrealistic. they are very similar to the rules we have with DD's phone. It was also a gift for christmas last year. the only other rule that we have is that if she is rude or out of order she loses her phone - the length of time determined by how revolting she is. If she can't communicate civily to us, then she can't communicate to her friends!

hope she has a think about it. its joyous isn't it...

I dont think they are unreasonable either just wanted to double check i wasn't being too hard on her. I plan on using that rule too (loss of phone priviledges) when she is mis behaving, at this rate she will never have it.lol

The joys.

Just a quick one... about to collect my 5yo from Kinder... to answer an earlier question: we are not a blended family but I was raised in one. We are having significant issues with our 13yo DD ATM... it might even mean we have to move house. I'll get back to that later... but I just wanted to add that my step father disliked me to the point of wanting me put in a boarding school and being very violent toward me in a very secretive manner... please trust your DD's if they seem scared of their stepfathers. No one listened to me... especially not my mother... that damaged our relationship forever.

:grouphug: to all the caring mums in this thread!

Ah the joys of mobile phones! My DD has been known to make calls when into the early hours of the morning, why do they feel the need to talk to people at midnight???
DDs best achievement is 2,500 sms in ONE MONTH! WTF she must etxt in her sleep!

Aah yes, I have the shirty teenrager back again. She expects me to give her the Youth Allowance money I receive for her each fortnight. NOT FREAKIN LIKELY....even though all her friends get it :doh:. Hhmmm, I actually need the money to put away for her school clothes and books and in case she might want a tutor for VCE.

No, it's NOT government pocket money for them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Had to ring my dad and give him (a very nice) what for the other day. She wants new swimmers so I gave her a list of things to do on Monday/Tuesday. Fold one pile of washing, tidy bathroom and the bookshelves. So she called Poppy and he said she would give her the $$$ D'OH :doh:. She's a lazy turd my one.....

well I hope lulu that your dad has reneg on the offer - or at least changed it to being a christmas present. little maniuplator! I'd be furious. at both of them for that matter.

LOL lulu, my mum let me have the CB (child benefit) once for 3 months and told me out of it i had to buy all my lunches, my new uniform and my bus fares to and from school (i could get a lift from dad there and walk back but i was a lazy jones too....) and within a WEEK i was taking packed lunches and walking home! LOL.

I hope you guys don't mind me being here. I don't have a teenager but i live in terror of when DD is 13 and DP has to deal with the "you're not even my DAD!" comments!

Bx

forewarned is forearmed I reckon bec! Can I recommend a really good book for you Celebrating Girls: Nurturing and Empowering Our Daughters: Virginia Beane Rutter. Its brilliant.

Hi Ladies
Just wondering how everyone is going with there teenagers atm as there has not been much activity in here for awhile which is probably a good thing as it may mean they are all behaving.
My dd is starting secondary school next week and although it is exciting in one way i am also scared for a few reasons, firstly i am worried she will not cope in such a big school with all the older kids, secondly she is having some confidence issues lately and i am worried she would not ask for help if she needed some, thirdly i dont want her to get mixed in the wrong crowd. I know these are probably things i need her to work our for herself but i cant help but worry about her making the right choices.
Anyone have any advice from when there teens started secondary school?

Thats a tough one Abb. My DD stuck with her friends from primary school when she went to HS with one exception who turned out to be a right little cow- that culminating in her mother screaming at me down the phone.
I have found that you really can't choose their friends and the more you dislike them the more she'll like them I found that by making it more difficult to see them (unable to drive her to their houses etc) but never saying anything negative about them it helped but really there's not much you can do.
I am lucky DD has lovely friends mostly and I get on well with them.
You will find at the start of HS your DD will prob stick with her friends she knows. Its such a scary time, I was pertified when I started high school! I cried every day LOL DD just breezed in and announced she loved it after day 1.

well i just found this thread and found it so interesting my dd is turning 11 in june but she already is having pimples regular.... she is mostly well ebehaved sorry ladies... but seems to switch off alot non repsoncive when asked to do things. i have to get ehr to acknowledge she heard me i say "yes mom" then i get a responce. well im interested in reading your stories and gaining support also.

Don't feel bad that she's well behaved Squidpa!! Most of our DDs were lovely at that age too LOL

lol mrsmac i was feelling pretty impressed i got a kiss today from her in her class room with all kids round :D

we had a few meltdowns over the holidays... seemed to be an "eve" thing - christmas eve, new year's day eve, and then the eve of her birthday! so the 24, 31 and then the 2nd of January. was a pretty revolting couple of weeks actually.

DD started highschool today too. She was very nervous this morning, came home, and was disappointed I think... her response was "it was boring".

abb34, i hear you on all fronts. its how I have felt as well. I said to her late last year that I was happy to let her go to the local highschool where she wanted to go, but the minute her grades fell, or her behaviour changed for the worse, or she started hanging with people I didn't want her too then she would be out of there quicker then she could blink. At the end of the day, she has to take repsonsiblity for the choices she makes. so if she makes good choices, she can stay there - make bad choices, and its the strict catholic school for her!

Vx i wanted dd to go to the private catholic school also but she wanted to go to this one, we have entered her into a laptop program at school for year 7 through to 9 and one of the major reasons why is of the class she is in are mainly good students. I spoke to alot of parents and teachers at the school and was pretty much told if you can get them in this particular class (they only take 25 a year) that there is never any trouble. Luckily she passed the entreance test and got in. She has 2 girls and 2 boys from her primary school also in this class but apparently they are nerds (her words). She is a good kid majority of the time and has been fairly well behaved atm, we have layed down alot of rules lately and dp and i have come together and discussed boundaries etc that we both agree on, so the united front is definetly working. Fingers crossed it remains that way. I think it is just me worrying about my little girl going out into the big wide world of exploration, and i remember what i was like at high school and its scary to think back now at some of the things i did. My mum would have flipped if she new half of it.
Thanks ladies for all your comments i think i just need to let it ride and be ready for any bumps in the road she may face and hope she comes to me if she needs to.

hi ladies
i wish i could say everything is going well things have been good and bad shes a good kid most of the time but if things arent what she wants well look out and i told her this year it has to change her school report last year was so bad most of the comments were if her attidude was better.
and this yr she is starting yr 9 which is a big year im trying to explain to her she needs to get along with teachers she has to be told what to do she cant get over that she thinks she can do what she wants shes 13 i love how they can to a certain age and they rule the world.
last night she was meant to be home at 6 well she decided to rock home at 8.oopm and then yells at me and says i was only down the road i got so mad she understands i worry but she just doesnt care she yells at me and says i dont understand anything .
its like i have no fear over her she can do what she wants and whatever i say dosent care
i feel like i have no discpline over her which scares me

Hi Shazza, can I recommend a really good book - princess *****face syndrome. easy to read, and explains alot of what is going on in their world developmentally. doesnt necessarily make it any easier to deal with - but at least you can have some understanding - that can make a difference.