Page 12 of 12 FirstFirst ... 2101112
Results 199 to 210 of 210

Thread: teenager girl chat

  1. #199

    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Kurri Kurri
    Posts
    1,725

    Default

    Hi ladies, we have a positive....yay......Sarah has decided to stay at home next year. She still wants to leave school and work and do year 10 at tafe but with her at home we can make her iykwim. She has had a much more positive attitude lately too which has been a god send. I don't know how much more of the b!tchiness I could have taken. She has completed the Shine programme and has her formal for that today. We had to buy her a long dress and I reblonded her hair lol, bit of creativity regarding the shoes. I had a pair of silver ones that needed revamping so we bought some matching rhinestones and a hot glue gun and now they look like different shoes lol. I did her nails last night too. They do her hair and makeup and have a professional photographer there and then they go to a 5 star restaurant. She is going to look absolutely fantastic.



    We also got her report for the half yearly and while she did badly in English, maths and science she got an outstanding for coming first in her class for computing (96%) and got a high for visual arts (77%). She was very shocked with her computing result as she doesn't like computing lol but her teacher won't put up with any crap so makes her work. I wish the others would follow his example.

    Just wanted to let everyone know lol makes me feel good that she is slowly coming around.

  2. #200

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    in the garden
    Posts
    3,770

    Default

    Fantastic Kim! It's great to have good news, isn't it - and you really appreciate every little 'good' thing after you've been through a bit of rubbish.

    Panda had a great report card this semester, and started her job the other day - now we just get to argue over who pays for what

  3. #201

    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Kurri Kurri
    Posts
    1,725

    Default

    Hi guys, another update. Sarah has mostly been behaving but we have had some more tantrums. Yelling at us that she is moving out as she hates this family and doesn't want to live here anymore. Sometimes I wish she just would. I know that is terrible but I'm over the stress. I still have other kids to take care of and we are going to ttc another one (am I just stupid or a glutton for punishment lol). Her school counsellor that she has just seen has informed me that she has a form of dyslexia (can't understand multi syllable words) and this is affecting all her work. Also he thinks that her eating disorder is affecting her and so he wants to make an appointment for her to see a psychologist who specialises in eating disorders and teenagers. He wants to make sure what is her and what/if any is a problem. He called her a complex bunny lol. Not something he has to tell me :/

    Oh well the roller coaster starts again. Good luck to everyone else. Keep us updated so I know I'm not the only one

  4. #202

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Christchurch NZ
    Posts
    264

    Default

    this is the thread for me so I hope you don't mind me joining in.

    I have a wonderful DD age 15 and mostly things are great. She is suffering depression bought on by her hormones creating a chemical change in her brain. It has been a real struggle this year with her and she is now on meds to help her out.

    4 months ago her bestfriend took her own life and it really knocked her sending her depression recovery back.

    Lately she is driving me mad fighting with her younger sister who is 9, I find it worse than the fighting between my 2 younger boys!

    Or when I talk to her about helping out with cleaning the hosue before an open home her response has been "you were the one who decided to sell the house not me" followed by "I was only joking".

  5. #203

    Default

    hi to all of you with teenage girls... I have found the best book recently. i borrowed it from my library but are thinking of buying it, to have a copy to remind myself over the next few years.
    its called The Secret Lives of Teen Girls: What Your Mother Wouldn't Talk about but Your Daughter Needs to Know Evelyn Resh

    if you look on Amazon you can read the intro and chapter one to give you an idea. I have really found this book brilliant, and incredibly helpful in understanding this young woman that stands before me.

    :-)

  6. #204

    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Rural NSW
    Posts
    7,100

    Default

    I'll keep an eye out for that book V

    Just a quick update for me too... and welcome to Paycyn It's also always interesting to read other people's updates to see if there is any light at the end of the tunnel or just to know where other parents and their DDs are at!

    Briefly: we are driving up to NSW this Saturday to spend a week with our DD who is still at boarding school. She now stays with my sister and her family each weekend. This seems to be suiting everyone very well. She is much better behaved for them, helps around the house and with their younger children without even having to be asked. They live on a small hobby farm and DD's uncle has taught her how to shoot a rifle and my sis has taught her how to drive a car (on their property). So instead of doing sneaking/risky stuff here in the city she is experiencing "safer and supervised" risks with responsible adults. And she's loving it.
    We are hoping to eventually move up to this rural town but in the meantime it's been a very worthwhile exercise to send DD up there to both give us a break from her daily dramas and for her to feel a greater sense of independence... yet connectedness to extended family. I'm praying that once we move up there she will have passed through the worst of her moodiness/outright rudeness. At least she behaves herself with others so at the first sign of her being unreasonable I'll know that I have my sis and BIL as backup... teens really need their village!

    I'll update when we get back.

  7. #205

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Recently treechanged to Woodend, VIC
    Posts
    3,480

    Default

    Bath - that's fantastic re your DD - sounds like it was a terrific move for her and she's embracing the change.

    I wish I could post positive news re my DSD. I would need days probably to write an update but it's gone from bad to worse.

  8. #206

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    in the Capital
    Posts
    1,482

    Default

    I need help!! DSD is staying with us for the next two weeks and I want to know how I can help her empower herself for when she goes back home. In a nutshell (I'm at work having a quick break) she is not getting great parenting at home or support from her mother. I have contacted relevant agencies and, aside from a lengthy and expensive court battle, there is nothing we can do (as she is not in "immediate physical danger" a favourite quote from government agencies). I hope you don't think we are heartless but we literally can't afford it.

    DSD is 12 (13 in May 2011) and has recently gotten her first period - thank goodness she was at our house (although it was day 3 and her mother hadn't noticed ?????) and I took her shopping for bits. She needs to wear a bra and despite DH and I buying her several they get thrown out by her mother who said that she doesn't need to wear one. She has no idea on hygiene (last night we were going out and after the kids were dressed I asked them to put their washing out in the hallway for me to collect - as I only got a tshirt and jeans from DSD I asked her where her undies were (DS constantly leaves half his washing and only "finds" it once the machine is on!) and she smiled and patted her bottom and said "here". I was shocked to say the least. I told her to get changed and put fresh underwear on as that's what you do when you have a shower. She has long curly hair that is rarely brushed let alone washed and conditioned properly (she had a severe case of cradlecap in winter). Her mother doesn't provide her with basic toiletries - such as deodorant, shampoo, bodywash - and it makes my skin crawl that they don't shower every day at home. I asked DH if DSD's mother was always like this and apparently she wasn't, we can only assume that it's the influence of her new partner.

    I was looking for a book or something that she could read so she could start taking better care of herself. Any help/ideas would be really really appreciated!

    I meant to add that DSD and DSS live in WA and we are in ACT.

  9. #207

    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Kurri Kurri
    Posts
    1,725

    Default

    GGGRRRRRRRRRR Sarah is at it again. We have gone through such a nice quiet period that I thought she was over the hassles but NO. This morning she threw a tantrum worthy of my 3y/o all because she couldn't take the day off and go to the horse sales. She yelled at DF that she hates him and then on the way to school she said she was suicidal but that she was over counsellors and that she was not going to eat again She also asked what we would do if she ran away again. DF told her that if she is over 16 then she can make adult decisions about herself but until then we would call the police (like last time). All this after we let her go out to a friends formal and after formal party until 11.30pm only on Tuesday. She seriously thinks she is so hard done by. The only reason we didn't let her have the day off was because she truanted not long ago and got busted. This was the schools referral free day and we told her she couldn't have the fun part of it but had to still go to school. It is only a 1/2 day anyway as it is sport day and hardly anyone is there. I now have to pick her up at 12.30. I'm so sick of the stress she can cause and believe me she will.

  10. #208

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    in the garden
    Posts
    3,770

    Default

    KimB, hope she settles down again. The ups & downs can do your ehad in

    Cass72, I am sure there is a book by Kaz Cooke, i will have a look & see if I can find it & let you know.

  11. #209

    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Rural NSW
    Posts
    7,100

    Default

    Fiona: oh dear... don't ever feel bad for debriefing here... even if it just touches upon the issues... it must be so hard juggling that and your new little girl.

    Cass: Sadly that was similar to what I experienced when I was 12 and got my periods. My parents had recently split too... and I was somewhat neglected but not quite as bad as your DSD. My mother had a new partner and only had time for him. She stopped providing for my sister and I unless it was glaringly urgent... I felt too reluctant to tell my mother anything about my personal hygiene needs because my mother would use it as a reason to get attention from her new partner "Oooooh she needs a BRA! She thinks she is so grown up now!" and then next thing I would have this creepy boyfriend of hers looking at my chest. I also hid my undies because mum and the BF would tell everyone and make a fuss in loud voices. So I'm wondering if your DSD has also learned that this is the best way? I don't recall mum buying me deodorant either... and I was too ashamed to ask... so I used to just use the cheap avon perfumes that aunts and grandmas gave me for Christmas and birthdays and spray it right under my arms hoping that it worked but it probably didnt. At least I showered daily and basically kept myself clean. One thing I am so proud of achieving with my DD is total trust. She is completely different when it comes to these issues... she knows I'm discreet... and has no shame about it... she'll ask for anything she needs quite freely. Keep up the good work Cass, I'm sure she will come to trust you too

    Kim: Don't worry they all say that they are so hardly done by. Stick to your guns and always trust your instinct. As hard as it might be even though she is throwing a tanty and yelling... don't yell back. Don't let them storm off and slam doors etc. Just calmly observe them and say, if you can can a word in, that you're looking forward to hearing her grievances when she calms down. By letting them know you are willing to listen they will eventually want to be heard and take you up on the offer... but make it on your terms. Try to ignore those attention seeking threats in the heat of the moment.. but once she has calmed down (and you might have to wait a day or two) raise those issues and ask her why she said it.. be persistent... she'll probably try to fob you off (because she'll be embarrassed by then) by keep pressing so that she knows that making those kinds of threats has a consequence. I'm no expert... but for me being calm seems to work... i regret every time I have raised my voice and gotten sucked into to my DDs vortex. You just gotta keep out of it Good luck darl!

    ETA: yep my DD has a copy of that big Kaz Cooke's Girl Stuff book lying around her room... I often find it on her bed... she seems to consult it quite a bit.

  12. #210

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    in the Capital
    Posts
    1,482

    Default

    Bathsheba: I just relayed what you said to DH. He said it sounds pretty spot on to what DSD is going through. Thanks for helping me understand our girl. I'll keep an eye out for the book!

Page 12 of 12 FirstFirst ... 2101112

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •