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Thread: teenager girl chat

  1. #55

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    thanx ladies you really put a few thingd into clearer light for me, when she comes home today am going to have a good talk to her, set some boundries and rules and let her know what will happen if these arnt followed. It is just hard to see light at the end of the tunnel sometimes, and you are all such a wonderful help.


  2. #56

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    Can I suggest Mel that you go gently... you know the saying about catching more bees with honey then vinegar? the same goes for teenage girls I think. Focus on the positive, use lots of taking responsibility for her behaviour, actions have consequences, and she has choices about what she does... and therefore the consequences that occur.

    This year Laura got an atm card for her bank account. I pay her pocket money monthly, and it goes direct to her account. She has to give us 10 back for her phone credit, and manage how she spends her money. the first month the money all disappeared... and when we looked at her spending she could see how it just disappeared... little here, little there... If she has hissy fits about doing stuff, she gets pocket money deducted, if she does extra, she gets bonuses. But I only tell her that she is getting paid for doing that extra job AFTER she has done it, not before. Sometimes she doesnt' get bonuses because she moans about what I have asked her to do. Her choice, and she has to live with the consequence.

    The thing that gets her the most is losing her phone and her music. It must be having some impact because she hasn't lost either for a while. I can actually see her thinking about where this could end up if she doesn't control herself.

    BTW Mel - has AF started for her yet? I found that laura was really really horrid in the months leading up to her getting it.

  3. #57

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    No AF yet...but she has been complaining o a sore stomache off and on for about a month........I have decided to tell her what her jobs are, stack diswaher, kids bathroom twice a week ect and am going to follow your lead with her pocket money and tell her she can go out one afternoon a fortnight but must be home by 6 and has to let me know where and when she is going and who with and she must keep her phone on. I am not going to nag her about her room though if her washing isnt out she will have to do it herself and has to be clean enough to vaccum ect, and her tv must not go on till homework is done and to be off by 9.30pm.......does this sound reasonable to ask or is this still being to hard.

  4. #58

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    very reasonalbe Mel. I don't even let Laura go out with out me yet...but thats because of my own baggage...

    This is what my dd's jobs are - keep room tidy, clean kids bathroom once/week, do the dishes, set or unset table, help tidy playroom with her brother, feed dog/cat or do the chickens, hang washing out or bring it in, fold up clothes with her brother. I have two job lists that alternate weeks - when Laura is doing one job list, nathan is doing the other. There are some jobs on it that they do individually all the time, such as the bathroom laura does, and the toilet nathan does (mainly because he is the one that makes the most mess in there, and I dont think Laura should have to clean up his misaims.) Good luck with it all.

  5. #59

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    Hi everyone
    I am starting to think i am too easy on my dd she is so lazy around the house i am forever picking up after her. I have just gone in her room to get dirty clothes which are scattered all over the floor, her beds isnt made, clothes everywhere, books on the floor, tv and dvd player still turned on. Then i go into her bathroom pick up her towel and pjamas off the floor and rinse out the shower. Mind you i dont have alot of time at the moment with a new baby so things are not done like they use to be. If i ask her to do something like dry the dishes she will whinge and moan for ages and to be honest this is my downfall as most of the time i just think its easier to do it myself as if she whinges then dp will have a go at her then they will start fighting and it turns out to be a yelling match and slamming doors etc, then dp and i will start argueing as he is always so hard on her at nitpicks all the time. Like this morning dp asked her to please clean up the honey she left on the bench (he did aske her nicely) and dd said well why dont you clean up the coffee and stuff you left out, i had a go at her for back answering then he spoke up and said just do it and next time dont put crumbs and butter in it, well they just went on and on and then he started swearing which is when i stepped in saying there is no need to talk to her like that, so thats when it started between us as apparently he is always the one getting the slack from something she has done, and he is always hard done by etc etc etc etc.
    Ok i can see that yeah she won in a way, she got in the middle and got us into another arguement but i wish he would just back off a bit and realise she is still a child and there is an easier way to get her to do things rather than yell at her, sometimes you just need to ignore what she says instead of biting back all the time. He also needs to realise that things are difficult for her at the moment, she has just got her period two months ago and has been very moody. Also she hadn't had contact with her dad for over 2 years and has just started seeing him again over the last few weeks, so i am sure there are emotions running crazy through her at the moment.

    OMG i didnt mean for such a long post but once i started i couldn't stop sorry for the long vent. I am now going to make a chores chart for dd and fingers crossed we get a positive result.

  6. #60

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    Hey Abb, welcome to the bunfight!

    Mel, I think that sounds reasonable, it might take a little to get in the swing of it. Don't forget to mention if she does a good job!

    Im going to write DD jobs down too, so if you hear the moaning and biatching about 6pm, you know its coming from my place.......

  7. #61

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    You will probably hear it from here too.........was just talking with a freind and have decided am doing the same with DS1 and DS2 except the pocket money part and going out part they now have to earn computer and Wii time, so if they fight and dont do jobs or homework no playing games.

  8. #62

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    guys you are so helpful god im so easy i really need to get my dds some more chores to do silly me does everything all they do is feed the animals and keep there room tidy and take the bin out .
    and most of the time clarissa room is done at all she just chucks everything into her wardrobe and even shoves stuff into her pillowcase .update on dd she is going gto see the councellor tommorow at school hopefully she will talk knowing her she wont even say a word bu she is a very shy person hopefully she listens though . its so hard having 2 of my girls go though this sometimes i just need to chat it reallyhelps
    so thankou so much guys

  9. #63

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    OMG what have I started

    You may get moaning and groaning to begin with, but hey, my philosophoy is that I want my children to grow up to be self sufficient adults, able to look after themselves. When I get moaning and groaing back at me, I tend to answer them with real life examples - about how in the real world there are rules, consequences, and choices... and give them examples. if that makes sense.

    Good luck girls, and don't give up!!!!

    Shazza - initially dd might be reluctant to speak, just give it time, and if it doesn't work with the school counsellor, consider getting a referral to someone else from your gp. that way you get 12 visits for her, and you will only have to pay the difference between what medicare will cover and what they charge. this is what I did. I think its important for there to be a good reportire between them and the counsellor, otherwise it can make them just suck it up, so to say, and things go from bad to worse (in my experience anyway.)

  10. #64

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    Hi Ladies
    How did you all cope with the school holidays? Actually some of you may still have children on school holidays i am not sure when other states holidays are.
    We had a not too bad time, my dd was actually a great help to me with dd as he was a little sick with a cold etc and at 6 weeks old its so hard to know what is wrong with them. I was suprised at how good she was with him and i think it was good for her to spend a little more time with both of us.
    Hope everyone isnt having too much trouble with there teenagers.
    I bought the book princess b**** face, it is fantastic i have dp reading it at the moment.

  11. #65

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    I need to get that book! I called her that the other day LOL Her boyfriend laughed. Actually she has been really busy in the hols so quite pleasant, we have had a few nice times together, went down to the ILs (just kids and I)for 2 days and it was really lovely except for the bickering on the way home in the car.

  12. #66

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    Oh my.. what alot of fun I have to look forward to in a few years.....

    My mum always said... grandchildren are vengance for grandparents...... I so hope not I was a right terror LOL...

    I think I will have to write down all these good ideas for future reference!!!!

  13. #67

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    My DD was pretty good actually.

    We had 2 sessions at home with her counselor and worked some stuff out, it was a little bumpy for a while but we smoothed it out. I tell you what ladies, we just HAVE to keep the lines of communication open here - even if it means backing down once or twice.

    Thanks to the first session I found out (DD couldn't even bring herself to tell me) that DD felt responsible for me missing out on Uni! She truly thought it was the fact she was born prevented me from studying and felt guilty. OMG!!!!

    I actually have no idea where she got that from, maybe she daydreamed it or something... You see I DID go to Uni, way after she was born and in fact it was her birth that spurred me on to study medicine. It was my choice to leave (STUPID CHOICE), after I got married and she was 8 then! So I very clearly laid it out for her and she felt better immediately.
    BUT JEEZ! Imagine if she went on feeling that way????

    Anyhoo we also went away to Ballarat for out family Xmas in July, she was terrific with the kids, and partied with the adults and I was really proud at how she handles herself.

    She also turned 16 last Tuesday which was sort of a shock.....

    Im gonna start going grey this year I can feel it!

  14. #68

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    I know what you mean Lulu, DD turns 17 in Nov, I am so not ready! I can't believe my baby can be that grown up.

  15. #69

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    i have been thinking about how everyone was going, and how their darling daughters have been. we had a few ups and downs, but mostly ups. Poor laura got AF 21 days after the last one, and it last for nine days, so she was most unimpressed. DH had an operation yesterday, and Laura was brilliant yesterday afternoon, helping me with Aston, unasked. It was a long day at the hospital, and I was shattered, so it was nice to have some assistance without any complaints.

    Lulu - I agree, open lines of communication are the key. Its brilliant that your dd was able to even if via a counsellor to tell you how she was feeling. Its funny the ideas and conclusion that get in their heads. We assume that they "know" the truth, but still they come out with some weird ideas and conclusions - i guess that it what reminds us that they are still kids, and still working stuff out.

    Mrs Mac - I have lent the book to Melham, maybe once she has finished it, I can send it on to you...

  16. #70

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    AAARGH I posted too soon....

    The little bugger has been acting like a right royal brat for the last 2 days. Didn't get the electives she wanted for this term so refused to go school yesterday!
    I totally understand she wanted to continue one of the subjects, the teacher even recommended she did so. She has been wanting to do the subject for YEARS, I can see the dissapointment but I DIDNT DO IT!

    I let her off yesterday (well I slept in and didnt notice she was still in bed), but made her be a slave, we had a chat and she said she knew not going wasn't an option, gave me a little smile and I thought it would be fine.
    I took everything electronic off her until she was dressed and ready for school but then she stormed out like a drama princess.....

    GGAAARRHHHHHHHH...

  17. #71

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    and the oscar goes to..... lol that's what goes through my head when laura is flouncing around the place. Hope she comes home a little happier Lulu. Don't you just love it that its your fault - even when it isn't.!

  18. #72

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    V.........have nearly finished the princess book, it is good. Gabby is actually quite good when the boys arent around, they were at vacation care Monday and she took cooper to the park ect as I had flu and was really good, but School started back yesterday and she is back to her old self....How do say in a not so subtle way you need some new freinds, I cant stand the kids she is hanging out with. They all have attitudes and their parents might not care where their kids are and who they are with but I do.

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