Teenagers roaming the street at night - who's responsible?

[fionas]

Ahhhh, there's so many variables. We used to live 50 metres away from a strip of cafes/bars/shops. Very safe walk home. We used to allow DSD to sit in a cafe late at night - so home by 11pm. Fine to take her friend too if she was having a sleepover. Not too much of a problem if she wanted to take the tram up the hill a few stops then get it home. Still only 50 metres along a brightly lit road from the tram stop to walk home. Does that constitute 'roaming the streets' - I dunno. How could we know she was in a cafe rather than a bar? Trust, lack of obvious signs of alcohol consumption.

Would I let a teenager stay out until the same times where we are now in the country? Nope. We are about a half hour walk from town. Very dark and spooky. No public transport. And I doubt whether there are any cafes that are open late anyway. So that means I would only be comfortable with a teenager actually AT someone's house, not wandering around because there ain't nothing good going to come out of wandering around here late at night.

Might seem ironic that I'd feel better about a teenager staying out late at night in a city rather than the country!

And totally agree that you just can't police them all the time. Some of you will have seen my threads about DSD and know that those bright sunny days of trusting her have long since disappeared. If they want to disappear in the middle of the night to head back to a party that their father has driven them home from at midnight, they can, will and do.

[Pretty Butterfly]

uummm, such a tough one.. but I have to say, I lay the responsibility with the parents.

I have raised good kids, but they they will (and do) follow their friends...

But I also know there friends. One of my daughters friends is a real ... well, b!tch.... and is free to do as she pleases (at 12!!!) stays home alone a LOT, talks back (yes to us too!) and we really dont like her. So my girl is not allowed over there. She can come here, but she cannot go out with her. She has other friends who are being raised simular to how we are raising our kids, so we feel safe allowing our kids to go there.

I think part of being resposible is knowing there friends, and YOU make the choice as to whether they can roam together or not. If I allow my daughter to hang with this particular girl, then I am fully aware of the trouble they could get into, making ME responsible, not the other family.

I have full access to the 2 teens mobiles and FB pages, and all thier friends mobile numbers. They know I will, and do, call them, their freinds or parents if I think something is up. They are free to visit, sleepover and have friends here, as long as they play by the rules... so far, so good.... but I dont expect it to last!!!

There will be no sneaking out here... the downstairs windows are bolted shut, and we set the alarm at night... Plus with the little ones, we are up and down all night anyway!!

I am very lucky that in this house, the kids would rather have friends over here, then go to there houses. They have all downstairs to them sleves, with a bathroom, kithenette, loungeroom, tele, PC, pool table and big 8 seater spa....I love having the kids stay home and having friends come here, then have them out and about... this town is going to hell in a handbasket, and I much prefer the kids here with heaps to do, then out roaming a such a crap and dangerous town...

[Trillian]

Might seem ironic that I'd feel better about a teenager staying out late at night in a city rather than the country!

I think differently about that. We live on a farm 42km from town and as our times gets closer to having teens in the house, I am so grateful that we live where we do and not in town. Our kids wont be able to sneak out at night because they wont be able to just go down the road to a party and even when they do get their licenses they wont be able to just take a car either, but in town they can sneak out at will. But the problem will eventually lie with trusting the parents of our kids friends to do the *right* thing and make sure that they know where the kids are. Luckily our kids have a great bunch of friends with lovely parents at this point in their lives but that may not always be the case kwim? They might start to fall into friendships that aren't healthy or ideal or they may have parents who take a very casual approach to these sorts of things.

I remember when I was a teen that growing up where I did that there were those of us in town and those that lived on farms and of course we all snuck out! And when the ones out of town stayed in town with friends that there were always things going on that their parents wouldn't have known about or approved of. My mum was the one that was too casual and I'm pretty sure that there would have been some people that thought badly of that but she was a product of her upbringing - Mum was pretty rebellious and often her own mum would find out where mum was and come in a taxi and drag her home (nan never drove a car) and that only caused more problems so I guess she took the approach she did with us because she didn't want to repeat the mistakes her mum made, but now HER approach has also influenced the way I feel about it LOL. I was the 'good' kid, but she did have a lot of problems with my sister and brother (the other two brothers were/are fine) and I am not going to repeat that with my kids so I'm taking the middle road LOL and being hard, but fair. Because ultimately it is our responsibility how our kids behave and when we are trusted with other peoples kids for the night, or they with ours, I would like to think that there would be enough communication between the adults to make sure that the kids don't fall into that cycle of lying about where they are going and what they are doing.

[Fleur]

My mum was the one that was too casual and I'm pretty sure that there would have been some people that thought badly of that but she was a product of her upbringing - Mum was pretty rebellious and often her own mum would find out where mum was and come in a taxi and drag her home (nan never drove a car) and that only caused more problems so I guess she took the approach she did with us because she didn't want to repeat the mistakes her mum made, but now HER approach has also influenced the way I feel about it LOL. I was the 'good' kid, but she did have a lot of problems with my sister and brother (the other two brothers were/are fine) and I am not going to repeat that with my kids so I'm taking the middle road LOL and being hard, but fair.

Much the same here. My mum allowed me to do things i wouldn't dream of letting my DD do! And I was ok kind of but she had dramas with my sister. I feel like it's better to set some limits.