I definitely have a strong Fetal Ejection Reflex (the urge to push). It's like the urge to vomit for me - totally out of my control.

I pushed for 1 hour with my first, 40 mins with the second and 35 mins with the third. It sounds like your body knew what it was doing, but perhaps you couldn't really "feel" it at the time, even though your body was doing brilliantly. Perhaps some haziness from the gas?

Let go of those feelings hun. You did a brilliant job birthing your baby. Next time you might choose things differently. Next baby will be its own journey.