Confused!

[dantri]

When did you actively start trying again after miscarrying? Did any of you try immediately? What was the outcome? Does anyone know WHY it is suggested to wait one cycle, is it just the EDD thing or is there truth in the lining of the uterus theory, or neither? Does anyone know of any real increased risk of miscarrying again if conceiving immediately after a miscarriage?


The reason I'm asking these questions and my story in a nutshell: I suffered my first miscarriage 3 weeks ago. It was a missed miscarriage discovered at my 12 week scan, bubs had stopped growing between 6 and 7 weeks. I miscarried naturally. This was my first pregnancy and we got pregnant in the first month of trying. We are very keen to try again but decided to wait until after I'd had my first period since the miscarriage (ie, the first "full" cycle) and I was confident of this but over the last few days as I can feel my body "waking up" again (no O yet but my body, it would appear, is getting ready for it) I have been thinking about not trying not to try now if that makes sense and see how we go. If nothing then we'll try properly next month. DH disagrees and wants to wait although it was his idea to do away with precautions a couple of times over the last few days.

I'm so desperate to be pregnant again and to be on a clear journey to becoming a mum. I'm not sure if I want to try immediately because of this desperate need to be pregnant again or if it is because I think my body is truly ready. I do not want to wait another moment without trying, the waiting is killing me but I (obviously) don't want to increase my risks of miscarrying again. My cycle seems to be returning but I am still very tired and got my bloods back on Wednesday, I have borderline low iron levels. I've only read the results (that was a conclusion not my assumption ) but will be seeing my doctor next Friday (non-urgent apparently which is why it has taken so long to see her). But seeing as I had quite high iron before the miscarriage, I'm pretty sure my body will right itself.

I know that either way DH has to be on the same page as me but he was the one that suggested we DTD without protection. Granted this was after we had a discussion about how I was quite confident I wasn't close enough to "O" to be fertile yet. But who knows what my body is doing at the moment, we both know that and we both know that there is a real risk of getting pregnant. I'm not trying to trick him and he knows that.

I hope I don't come across as cold, losing my baby is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and the sadness will always be there but I just want to be a mummy so badly. I wanted to before getting pregnant and this whole experience has given me a glimpse of the beautiful world of motherhood and I want more, I want it all and I don't want to wait *stamps foot*!

What do you all think? I'm interested to hear your thoughts and experiences on TTC after loss in addition to the questions above.

And sorry about the ramblings, I have the need to use way more words than the average person Thanks for bearing with and reading.

[Marley&Me]

Hi dantri, sorry for your loss.
I had an early m/c 6 weeks ago. I finally got a positive opk on Wednesday (I have irregular cycles) and we have been BD to try again. I didn't know if I would feel 'ready', but i have for ages now so we thought what the heck. I am super excited to see if we have had any luck, it's gonna be a looong two weeks!

Good luck xx

[Little Lucy]

Hi Girls,
I am sorry for both of your loses! It is such a hard time and we all deal with it differently.

Dantri I can understand your wanting to try again and fall pregnant. I have had 2 m/c and it took my body about 3 months to get back to some normality each time! My Dr also suggested that we wait about 3 months. Though he said to keep doing what we do and if my body was ready then I would fall again.

It has been 2 years to the day of our first m/c. I was 7 weeks and m/c naturally. I bleed for 4 weeks, a week 'off' then again for 2 weeks! The 2nd time we were 11 weeks and I had a D&C, just before Christmas 2010. (I took letrozole with this pregnancy) Again it took my body about 3 months to go back to what seemed normal (although my cycle varies between 30 and 36 days!)

Althought Dantri you and your DH don't really agree on when to start trying again, just go with the flow, if it happens then you and your body are ready.
A piece of advice and take it how you like, don't put too much pressure on it all. We have been TTC for 3 years and the 'fun' of love making and TTC soon loses itsspark as you start to follow plans, times, certain days, taking tablets etc. It can become very stressful and there can be pressure. Hopefully your journey to motherhood is not a long one.

We are currently trying to find out if this current pregnancy will stick. I am so confused about this! We had a month with no letrozole. I did a test on day 28 and it was negative. Started to bleed day 35 which is normal for me. Started taking the letrozole tabs on day 2 of my cycle continued to day 6. Continued to bleed, though lightly for 12 days. Rang the specialist and they said do a test. It was POSITIVE! I had HCG test and scan. The scan showed a sac at about a 4 week size. the blood test also confirmed that in regards to levels. I just had another blood test today to see if the levels have gone up, HOPEFULLY, or down So will find out tomorrow I don't know what to think or do, I am so confused!!!

All the best girls. Thinking of you both.

Little Lucy x

[Baby Dreamtime]

Hi Dantri
So sorry to hear of your loss just wanted to share my story as I recently did the same research you are doing now. After a ffrozen ivf cycle in Feb this year I found out at 8 weeks it was a blighted ovum. I had a D&C a week later, bleed for a few days and then again about a week or so later the second bleed I think was AF. By some miracle I o'd and feel pregnant two weeks later (miracle for me as I am LT TTC and have obvious fertility issues). They say you are very fertile after a miscarriage and in my case definitely after the D&C. Unfortunately I miscarried at 6.5 weeks. From everything I read there is no reason not to try and no increased chance of another miscarriage. Mine was likely due to my fertility issues. If I was in your place I couldnt help but try. Wishing you all the best.

Tasha and Lucy best wishes to you both too xx

[Marley&Me]

The scan showed a sac at about a 4 week size. the blood test also confirmed that in regards to levels. I just had another blood test today to see if the levels have gone up, HOPEFULLY, or down So will find out tomorrow I don't know what to think or do, I am so confused!!!

All the best girls. Thinking of you both.

Little Lucy x

Little lucy, I just saw this. Congatulations Any news yet?

Baby Dreamtime, how lucky for you! I am a bit paranoid that if i am PG it will end it m/c, but i have prepared myself for it at least. I just couldn't pass up the opportunity when ovulation comes few and far beyond for me!

[Freya]

I conceived immediately after my very first pregnancy/miscarriage without having my period return. My specialist said they recommend it more for emotional purposes rather than physical but its completely up to the person. He did tell me that you are most fertile directly after a miscarriage/giving birth.

That pregnancy is now a 5-next-month little boy. Everything went fine until I got pre eclampsia at the end but thats related to a different issue.

[dantri]

Thanks for the replies girls and sorry for your losses.

Tasha - fingers crossed for a BFP for you! I think I commented on your quote about a BFN

Little Lucy - I hope you get good results, big hugs. I appreciate your honest advice and can totally see that that can happen with the TTC thing. I am already a crazy person about it but am trying really hard to keep it in check because I don't want BD and intimacy to become a chore but am scared that I won't be able to keep a lid on the crazy neurotic baby monster lady inside me for too long

Baby Dreamtime - thank you, it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone in my wanting to try again so soon and in such unknown circumstances.

Freya - thank you for sharing your wonderful pregnancy after loss story. It gives me so much hope

Since writing this post I have gotten my positive OPK, but have had a meltdown or two and a big conversation with DH. While he doesn't show it (as many men don't) he is terrified of getting pregnant again too and for him, getting pregnant now is too unknown for him and he really freaks out about it. I have to respect that as I expect him to respect my needs to do all sorts of crazy things (endlessly POAS, discussing CM in intimate details etc etc) We will definitely try next cycle though. After getting my positive OPK I feel a bit better like my body is starting to work for me again.

My body and I have to rebuild our relationship. I trusted it and it wronged me. No so much because we lost the baby but because it didn't tell me that there was anything wrong. I don't know what a "normal" pregnancy feels like as this was my first but it appeared to be going according to text book. I've never had health problems or had to rely on my body at all and since paying attention to my body when I went off the pill in 2009 we have both been in sync. I've been blessed with regular cycles and textbook signs of fertility but despite this my body didn't let me know that my baby wasn't okay. I know that it eventually did what it was meant to and allowed me to miscarriage naturally and I am thankful for that but I need to learn to trust it again particularly when it I am pregnant again and it is carrying my precious baby!

Down to nitty gritty, DH and I DTD on Saturday which means there is a very slim chance, I guess that if it is meant to be it could be Even after our discussion last night about not trying until after AF, is it weird that I still have my fingers crossed just a little that the extremely slim chance that his swimmers could survive for 5 days and catch my eggy actually happened? LOL. I'm a crazy baby lady for sure. If I was to get a BFP out of this, I guess it really would be meant to be

I'm still confused but feel like I'm getting my body back and getting closer to being a mummy. I guess today is a better day as well , if I'd posted last night it would've been a different story.

This whole TTC business is so complex and difficult alone, let alone with the added heartbreak and complication of a miscarriage. I hope and pray that I am one of the "lucky ones" and only have to endure this once. I hope this for others as well.

Thanks again for your replies, it is really nice to know that I'm not alone and hence it's possible I'm not that crazy! Hugs to all you ladies and I hope the future holds good things for all of us!

[*The_Mrs.*]

Dantri- I agree with most others. when I very first got pregnant I experienced a miscarriage and the feeling of loss in my womb urged me to try right away. 9 months later DD was born. With my second miscarriage, I got a little more disheartened because I never thought it would happen again. I planned to wait. though over a couple months after that I started getting depressed and anxious. As if my body decided to do what was best for me we concieved accidently with our second. I know how you feel. I know it must be harder for you because of how long you had to wait and find out about it. Next time you get pregnant, tell your dr. that you would feel more comfortable to have an ultrasound at 6 weeks, 9 weeks, and 12 weeks.

I know it will happen for you dear

[CruisingTurkey]

Wow ! thanks for opening this thread Dantri!!
I had a D&C about a week ago and was feeling like a bad person and very guilty for thinking that I just wanted to start trying to get pregnant again right away. The doctor said to wait for 2-3 months but i wasnt given a reason why and 2 months seems like an awful long time when you are 38 and only just got pregnant for the first time in your life after years of trying.
I came to the conclusion that I would let my body dictate what was to be, as I clearly have no control over what my body does, anyway !!! :-p
My partner and I are pertified that something will go wrong again but I cant let time slip by me and miss out by being overly cautious.
Fingers crossed for you and me :-))
Would be interested Dantri if you experience any problems going forward, emotional or physical.

CT

[Little Lucy]

Can I just say that this forum has been the best thing for me and the trials I seem to be going through. It is soooooo good to 'chat' to others who KNOW what it feels like, who HAVE experienced the anguish and desperation of trying to have a baby and the pain that unfortunately knocks on our doors!
Although they mean well, after almost 3 years, the "Wow it must be fun TTC all the time," "It wouldn't be a chore, your DH must be really enjoying it," "it will happen one day" "Just don't think about it and it will happen" etc etc are wearing a little thin.

Although I have wonderful and supportive friends and family and a wonderful DH, this means of communication has been very helpful

Just had to let you all know that! Thanks!

My DH and I are still waiting for the results of more blood tests but I know that I have m/c. First HCG was 55, second one 5 days later was a HCG of 58. Had bloods again today so will have to wait and see tomorrow. I know deep down that we have lost another precious little one. My specialist wants me to have a D/C but I guess I will have to have an ultrasound to see.

I just keep thinking that we now have to wait again, though I will be taking more of a forward attitude this time from you Dantri and CruisingTurkey! The last two times I did what the Dr said etc. But it has almost been 3 years of trying to have a baby and I really don't want to waste any more time - if my body is ready it is ready! I just don't want to become obsessed with TTC as I did early on and become anxious, upset and obsessed with when, how and how often!! (It drove me and my DH up the wall! LOL)

I really hope that by Christmas we all have some exciting news to share!

Thanks again everyone for your posts and feedback! They are very helpful

Little Lucy