Clomid for LPD #2

Hi All

Deb- fingers crossed for you, it's a shame about the reaction but it's great to hear you are feeling positive about this one.

I got my results from my formal glucose tolerance test today (something I should have had done after the birth of DS). Even though the FS didn't test for it my Billings Instructor thought it would be a good idea to do it as she feels glucose intolerance can contribute to sub fertiltiy, particularly where it's linked to PCOS. Anyway it came back all clear so I'm really happy about that. That was pretty much my last investigation concerning my LPD, so I think now I'm going to give it 2 more cycles then start Clomid. That way, I'll still be able to travel to the UK in June next year if I happen to fall PG on it.

How is everyone else fairing???

Oh Deb, that's not good at all. I am glad that you are still feeling confident without the clexane, I honestly don't think you are going to need it, everything is looking so well and you are doing everything you can to support this little bundle. :hug: I hope the bruising clears quickly and you have no more complications.

Aussie chick, well done on your results, must be a relief! Wishing you luck for your next 2 cycles.

Not much happening with me, still getting feint lines on my OPK's but that's what I expect until about the weekend when I should ovulate then it will be GO TIME :fertilise: !!

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing, especially Michelle, am thinking of you!

Deb yep we went to Melbourne Tuesday of this week, so only just got back. All went really good, we saw Dr Stephen Cole in Perinatal & he was fantastic. Didn't spin us any bull$hit & was honest with us about it all. He thinks that there is no link between Alex & Thomas's losses but does think that there may be some kind of link between James's prematurity & losing Alex. So we have to have some basic genetic karotype testing done on both myself & DH, then a few more bt's for me. Plus he wants them to have a look inside my uterus in a non-pregnant state to make sure all is fine in there & no defects or bands are present. So we still have about a 10-12week wait ahead of us before we are allowed back on the TTC bandwagon but we are ok with that. I have gone back to WW as of last nite to try & move some of the massive amounts of extra weight that I am carrying ~ just to make it easier on my body whilst pregnant next.

He also outlined a game plan for us for during a next pregnancy which left us feeling pretty good, although he was honest enough to remind us that we still need to keep in mind the possibility of losing another baby. Which was hard to hear but expected I guess. He also thinks we have a great chance of having another live healthy baby, but did say he couldn't guarantee it would happen with our next pregnancy, also said it could well happen the next time we try as well.

So all in all pretty good.

Glad to hear that your OB isn't too stressed about your bleeding after the reaction to the clexane but I so understand how worried you must be. But this little bubba is gonna be fine. Big hugs to you & thanx for asking after me.

Thanks Aussie and Willow - feeling better about it all today. Bruising is fading slightly and no more bleeding from nicks and scratches. My husband left for Japan this morning on business so I will have lots to keep my mind off my uterus! I bought a gorgeous picture of the medicine Buddha yesterday and he is sitting by my bed!
Willow - It looks like you have a busy weekend ahead! I so hope this is your month!
Aussie- Great your gtt was clear. It is good to have a plan psychologically isn't it? I know I felt better when I did. Come on girls I need you to come into PAML with me!
KIrsty, I am really happy that things went so well for you in Melbourne. Before we know it it will be Christmas and then the fun will begin for you! What a lovely Christmas/New Year gift!

hey all, Wow so much has happened. I am sick as a dog with the flu, so dont feel flash at all.
Poor you deb, what a scare, as if you need anything else...BUT how cool you hada fabulous scan. congrats to you...
Well I got my 21 day prog test done, it came back at 46, im not even sure if this is good, i just rang for the results!!! im hoping it means maybe i ovulated around day 14??? have no idea really.
Kirsty, how reasurring you have a plan in place.... so much luck to you for your next journey when it starts, sounds like your going to get the complete overhaul... great news.
Hi to everyone else on here, I cant go back to see the names... and I just lost my post, so had to do another!! grrrrrrrrrr

Deb - I am so pleased there has been no other problems from the clexane. I hope I don't have the same reaction when the time comes :eek: My little buddha is sitting on the sidebaord keeping Caitlyn company.

Kirsty - at least there is a plan which is one step forward.

Willow - good luck with your *plans* over the weekend.

Me - AF is on the way. Feeling so incredibly flat and resigned to it just not happening. Puts me back to a 26-28 day cycle (depending when AF arrives in full force). So ..... last cycle of clomid here we come. Then ..... who knows. Maybe I'm just not meant to have a baby other than Caitlyn. I'll be back later when I can find my positive slant on the world - and I am sorry for raising your hopes earlier this week. I should have know better.

Chelle - 46 is a result you should be very pleased with!!!! Well done - yep it shows that ovulation occured and the level certainly is high enough to sustain a pregnancy if conception occured. So, let's hope the planets are aligned for youthis month... :hug:

Michelle - :hugs: I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. Feeling flat and deflated and sad is so normal. You are meant to have another baby - it will happen. YOu know you can get pregnant and you will again. I wish I could make you a nice cuppa and give you a hug - things are going to happen. I pray that it happens this month and you don't need to go down any other roads. Don't you not come in here because you feel flat - we are all here to hear the happy and the sad - that's what friends are for... :hug:

Michelle, it will happen for you I just know. Maybe not right now, but it will come. I undestand how down you must feel right at this moment.
A friend of ours had various help in order to conceive including a few IVF treatments. She is quite a bit older than me so that meant she was having these things done when it was all still fairly new. She had no success at all and resigned herself to being childless. Then out of the blue she fell pregnant naturally when she had all but given up hope. She then went on to have three very happy healthy pregnancies. I believe she was in her mid thirties (at least 35) when she had her first child.

Big hugs to you and I'm hopeful that we will all be following Deb very soon down that wonderful road known as impending motherhood.
Debbie

Thank you Deb and Debbie.

Deb - I would love the hug and cuppa. It is just so hard to feel like you are doing this alone. I know I'm not and I do have support, it just feels like the road you walk is yours on your own when you have the (in)fertility cycle month after month. Even DH is having a hard time getting through my sadness to find me. It is the feelings of failure I am finding hardest to manage. But I need to get organised and go to work (oh yay :rolleyes:)

Once again. Thank you.

:hugs: again....
The road you walk is yours and that's why it feels so lonely... But know that we are holding your hands and having cyber cuppas and cyber hugs.
I find sometimes it helps to think "one day this will just be a memory".

I so very much understand how you are feeling. When we lost our daughter in May 2005 it took until NOvember to conceive again and then I had an early miscarriage. I then conceived and as you know lost our son and then another early miscarriage. Like you I think sometimes - my baby should be *this* old but here I am doing it all over again, every month peeing on sticks and praying for a miracle... I truly understand and I wish I could make it better.

I wish I could find some profound words that can make you smile but I can't. Just know I am here and please BELIEVE that you will be pregnant again soon....

:hug:

Awwww, Michelle, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. :hug: All I can say is what the other girls have said - this journey truly is a roller coaster ride, ups and downs all the way but we want to be here for all of that with you so please don't go anywhere!

We all understand how you feel because we've all felt that way many times ourselves. I'm not having the best time this month either and it's so easy to feel defeated and like it's never going to happen and that's why we need eachother here on BB.

But we can't give up!! We have to keep going and doing whatever we need to to hold those precious babies in our arms because THAT's what is meant to be.

We are all thinking of you and praying that your dream is fulfilled very, very soon. I hope your DH makes his way thru your sadness and gives you a huge big hug!

And here's one from all of us too :grouphug: !!!!

Aww I came in to check on Michelle and saw your beautiful words Willow. How lucky we are to have each other...
If you are out there Michelle, I have been thinking of you so much. Go out and get a massage, sit in the sun and know that soon your miracle will come. I know this!

Yes i agree with deb, what wonderful support. O Michelle if we cd wave a magic wand.... YOU WILL def hold a darling baby in your arms again, it will happen, you have to stay positive, this will get you through.. Big hugs to you at this time, its like being a yo yo sometimes!!!
Thanks Deb... that made me feel positive, yes lets hope we caught some magic!!!!
Hugs to everyone else on here going thru all ov this...

Michelle darling I am sure that one day you will hold your precious bubba in your arms even though it may not feel like it right now. We all have terrible days to journies we are never sure are going to come our way, but try to take some time out for you in amongst it all & remember we are here with you every step of the way.

Hi All,

Just thought I'd pop in and tell you about my horrid weekend, more just to get it off my chest than anything else so feel free not to read or reply! :boohoo:

After cruising along on my clomid cycle without any side effects other than a few headaches (which may not have even be related) I had a major meltdown yesterday.

Got a + opk on Friday night and Saturday I was in pain all day, mainly in the area of my right ovary, was even uncomfortable to sit down and reminded me WAY too much of what it used to feel like before my cyst was removed. Then yesterday, nothing. All pain gone, not even a twinge. So pretty sure I o'd on Saturday.

Woke up yesterday and I don't know what happened. I had a major skin breakout, felt a bit nauseous and was just in a rotten mood. Throughout the course of the morning my dh and I were snapping at eachother (or more I was snapping at him and he was retaliating) and then something happened, he upset me and I ended up throttling him! He told me he's over me being up and down, up and down all the time and when I told him i just needed him to be supportive he said "I've been supportive and supportive and supportive and I'm just over it". So then I lost it. I was hysterical.

Best bit was, my parents were staying with us (which was good in a way too cause my mum managed to calm me down) and we had to go to my niece's christening (who was born the week after my m/c so it's always a bit of a reminder) and I was the godmother! The last place I wanted to be was a church full of babies, particularly me holding one!! :(

AND I think this month is going to be another write off cause with things the way they are with my dh, I don't think we bd'd enough. Only cd10, 12, 13 and 14 (with o on cd14). I would like to have included cd15 as well but it wasn't going to happen last night with dh and I barely speaking.

So despite my 'words of wisdom' to Michelle, i'm now finding myself in that same place and unable to take my own advice. I just feel like I'm killing myself here to do everything I can to fall prg and I'm just so alone. I don't even feel like I've got the support of my dh now and I'm just about to give up. I can't do any more than what I'm doing and I just don't think that's going to be enough. :crying:

Michelle, if you're out there I hope you are feeling much better this week.

OH Willow :hugs:...
It is so awful to be on this treadmill. No wonder you were feeling so over the place yesterday - it is a pretty huge thing to be going to have to go through yesterday...
We unfortunately take out everything on those closest to us...

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. If it is any consolation I think you hvae the bases covered for this month... Try and give DH some lovin and he you and try and remember (I know it's really hard when you are feeling like you are) that you are a team. You will get that baby. :hugs: again. I know my words didn't help much but just know I care...

Michelle - I am worried about you. Are you okay??? :hug:

Thanks Deb, it always helps to know that someone is listening and understands. It's reassuring to hear that you think we've covered our bases, just would have liked a bit more insurance. But then I tell my self the chances of a bfp first round of clomid are probably nil (despite your good luck! :p ) so no harm, no foul.

I think my dh and I just need a bit of time out together without all this ttc stuff. I might take him out for dinner this weekend, just him and me (we've only done that once on our first anniversary since our daughter was born and she's nearly two!!!) I'd love to go away for the weekend but unfortunatley finances don't allow for that at the moment.

Michelle, I am worried about you too. I understand that you might need to drop out for a while but please pop in some time and let us know that you are OK. :hug:

Girls, a big hug to all of you out there.

Michelle, hope you are OK. Thinking of you.
Willow, same goes for you.

Deb, glad you are OK. Thanks for sticking around to help us through. We would sure miss your words of wisdom and kind thoughts. Take care.

Love to you all,
Debbie

Hi girls. Thank you all for asking about me, and for all the messages of support. I am doing OK.

I have decided to take some me time and do some things for my mental health. DH is working opposite shifts at the moment so that is hard. I need the extra hugs but he can't change his shifts either. I am just about to head off for a reflexology session just for the feel of it (and the extra benefits that it can give too ;)) but ... The meditation is helping and as soon as the cough settles I will head back to the gym for those FABULOUS endorphins that only a sweaty session can bring.

Willow - the clomid can have that *wonderful* side effect with turning into a person you don't really know or like. :hug: It does get better (or you just learn to manage it better :rolleyes:). It is tough for the DH's in our life. Even though they don't have the same sense of failure or the same hormonal shifts each cycle, they have their own sense of failure; of not being able to fix it for us and give us what we want the most.

My DH said once (and only once or he will die a slow and painful death!!!) that he felt like a sperm donor due to the mechanical nature our love life had taken during the first round of TTC (that was more than 2 years worth of TTC). He has since come to understand that it is not my favourite part of it either and I remind him at other times of the cycle that I just want him for the fun of it. 3 and 1/2 years later (with an interrupted pregnancy in the middle) we can still find the fun in us, even with the moments of despair I bring into the equation on occasion. It does take work though. TTC is a challenge for a couple and the added hormones from things like clomid can just make the road that little bit bumpier.

Now that I have raved (and probably without focus) I will head off for my session and to find something for dinner!! I will be around. I can't keep away and you beautiful ladies help to keep me sane in the middle of the torture of TTC. Thank you.

Oooooh hello MIchelle, I was so excited to see your post! I am glad you are feeling a bit better - hope you enjoyed your session! Never had/done relflexology - what exactly is it??

I've actually found a natural therapies centre near my place that does all that sort of thing and has natropaths etc on staff, am thinking of making an appt. in anticipation of next cycle. There is a lady practising there that specialises in fertility, could be worth a chat with her.

I think I need to do something for my mental health too, maybe a massage or something?? Or getting my nails done (I lurrrrve getting my nails done) Will come up with something.

Not much has improved between me and my dh today, he did something else which really upset me so we are pretty much back to square one! It is a HUGE strain on any relationship I know. My husband has made the EXACT same comment!!!! I know it's not nice for them but I hate it too, I feel like some desperate woman begging him for days on end and it makes me feel gross a lot of the time.

My husband is on days this week, I wish he were on nights! hehehe. We need a bit of space at the moment. Let's hope things improve over the next few days.

I know what you mean about these ladies, I would have lost the plot by now if it wasn't for this thread!! Love you all! :hug:

Willow - I am so pleased my presence excited you!! I could add small things etc ... :D

As for your DH, I have a suggestion that may or may not help you. When my DH and I have a difficult patch (usually related to TTC :rolleyes:) I write him a letter or give him a card. It is so difficult with the raging hormones to get the message you want to them (often lost in the translation from venus to mars) and especially if it triggers a little tiff again. By writing it down I remind him (and myself occasionally) about what makes him special to me and how important he is to me.

I think your idea of going out to dinner together is a good one. Special time where you just get to talk - nothing serious, just couple time. I have a booking for later in the week with DH (not to mention scheduling DTD in about 10 days - give or take a few either side!!)

As for reflexology, it is foot massage!! In more technical speak, Eastern beliefs say that the sole of the feet are a reflection of the internal body eg from the big toe along the instep of the foot is the head and down the spine (try to picture your spine curved along the length of your foot). Through massage they can find the tender spots that correlate with energy blockages in the body. It is lovely :D Especially if you like having your feet massaged!!!!

I hope you are feeling better (I am on day 2 of the lovely drug!!) and that you and DH can sort out the bumps sooner rather than later. ((((hugs))))

Hi MIchelle, prehaps 'excited' was the wrong choice of word :rolleyes: , more 'relieved' I guess to see you back!

I've decided to take your advice and have written my dh a letter just saying how I feel about this whole ttc thing and raising a few other non related "issues" we are having.

He's not one for expressing his emotions most of the time so I am not sure what sort of a response I am going to get from him but this is something I've done in the past with a pretty good outcome so we'll see....

:crossfingers: things start to improve and quickly. If we keep going this way I think we will be fast approaching a crisis point. I am also thinking ttc while things are this way between us may not be the smartest move so might take a break next cycle. :crying: We'll see...

If I do another cycle of clomid next month I'm thinking my dose will be increased to 50mg. If this is the case I think I"ll switch to taking them at night rather than in the middle of the day in the hope of reducing the side effects.

I was so happy to see your post Michelle - you havae been on my mind an awful lot. I am glad you are doing some stuff for you. It is tough times I know :hugs:... I missed your company...

Willow - I am glad you wrote a letter - this journey is hard on you both. Take care of yourself and each other. The massage is a great idea. Go for it!!!

Love to you both :hug:

Great to see you debbie - when is your "procedure"? :hug:

Michelle and Willow - sending my best to you both. I am hoping that sooner or later all of this will just be a fading memory for us all with better , brighter times ahead.

Deb - 25th September. Was originally booked in for the 20th but changed that as that was the date last year when we found out we had lost Luke. Didn't want to be hospital on the same day two years running - memories, pain etc. I know I don't need to explain to you. Feeling a lot calmer about it now. I know tha actual procedure is nothing to worry about but I just don't like GAs. Never had a problem with one in the past (had one in 1990 and last one in 1996). It's just the thought of being out of control. Falling asleep and then being awake again in what seems like an instant. I hate the thought of that lost time. Totally irrational I'm sure but can't help it all the same. I am just a big woos sometimes.
Debbie

Thanks Debbie. I don't think your fears are irrational and I don't think you are a woos either. I felt the exact same way about my lap surgery in May. The worst part was it was only supposed to be a 1 hour procedure and I woke up nearly 4 hours later to a very concerned dh and mum! Poor things. AND because I have a morphine allergy, I had to have suppositories for pain relief which were 'administered' while I was under - I still have a few issues about that and shudder just to think of it!! BLAH!!

I am positive all will go well and just think, once you wake up it's all over!

Willow, I hope that letter to your DH has lots of positive results. I wrote one to mine last year because things had been pretty bad - it opened the lines of communication and we talked through everything and things really improved from there.

I'm still playing the waiting game... if I ovulated for real, my luteal phase is behaving itself somewhat better this time round. Although, my temperatures are only barely above the coverline just now, so I'm starting to wonder if it was a real ovulation rather than a pretend one. It seems that it would be so much easier to get a script for provera and end this cycle already!

BW

Debbie - you are NOT a woos - have you read my Goodbye Journey the story of the loss of our son in March. I was positive I was goiing to die under anaesthetic. I don't like it at all. The lost time thing - I hear YOU! However, putting on my nurses cap I must say that it is so highly unlikely that you are more likely to have a large building fall on you. I know it's an irrational fear. I truly do because I HAVE it too! It is exciting though that the time is almost here!

Butterfly - I hope that you ovulated - when is your 21 day prog. level? :hug:

Willow - are you feeling a little better this afternoon Sweetie? :hugs:

Michelle - :hugs:

Deb, I won't be having blood tests done until after I start clomid. I's frustrating to realise that I was handed my clomid script two weeks into this cycle and I'm now heading for 8 weeks... UGH!!!

BW

Hello lovely ladies.

I just had a pretty good talk with my dh after him reading the letter i wrote. We are now feeling much better about things (although there are one or two things we had to agree to disagree on but these were not ttc related) so I am feeling MUCH better tonight.

I do feel bad for putting him thru all this. He is a little concerned that i am so focused on ttc another bub that I am not just living my life and enjoying my beautiful little girl as much as I should be and I guess to a degree he is right so I have promised to work on that a little bit. Well as best I can anyway - wish I had an 'off' switch a lot of the time!

But we have agreed to talk about things much more and keep plodding away at this ttc game. We'll get there one day soon I hope!

As always, thank you for your support and advice during a very difficult few days.

BW, I really feel for you babe! I cannot imagine having a cycle that long, how horrendously frustrating!!! I really, really hope AF turns up for you tomorrow and you can start popping those lovely little pills! :p

I feel sooooo exhausted tonight. I think I might head off to bed! :bedtime:

After trying to cheer you guys up I now find myself pretty much in the dumps. I have seriously been thinking of giving up on this TTC. I can go for tests and surgery, take tablets etc. But I'm never going to get pregnant if I don't have sex! I tell you, right now I would be quite happy if I never had to do it again. After one year it has really become a bit of a chore and all the excitement and spontineity has gone out the window. This month we have manged only 3 times. OK, it was right immediately before and shortly after "O" time but I still don't think that kind of activity is going to do it. I said to DH that even after the surgery if we don't have sex then nothings going to happen. The surgery isn't the magic trick. He is very much interested but also finds it a bit of a strain. Particularly when you are so tired that you would really much rather just go to sleep but are scared that you are going to miss that window! The morning doesn't help as neither of us seems to be awake early enough to beat the kids. Setting the alarm for 5am just doesn't get me in the mood!

Do any of you feel the same? Is it just me? Should I count my losses and run? I really don't know anymore.

Thanks for listening to me rant.
Debbie

I hav eto say debbie , i am in the same boat, after" doing it" aroung the "right" times we have missed again. Im so sad and depressed that I just want to give up. I thought surgery was going to fix it and it would just work like the surgeon suggested it might!!! Me and DH are never on the same page when its time and generally argue, then that makes it worse. I just cant stand it anymore, and am ready to just give up. Im hoping that my 'mood' will go away once AF has left the building again... I know I havnt helped in any way in fact Im just as down as you at the mo, so am really sorry. Just want you to know you are not alone in this....hugs to you at this most awful time. Whats worse for me at the mo, is my good friend has just told me she is going to try again and thinks she is prego as she is 3 days late, I just wanted to cry... o well, what do you do ah.....

Can I join the depressed fest?? I feel the same. I am finding that DH and I are having the most infrequent sex at the moment due to work and now we have just added an additional stress of an investment property that is ready for exchange within the month ... so somehow there needs to be a large sum of cash ready to go within the next month and goodness only knows where that will come from!!!

Add to that I am on the last cycle of clomid and just feeling completely unloved and not at all in the mood to DTD for TTC. I just want to be held and to have that loving closeness from before all this torture. Even DH is saying the past year we have only been existing, not living. So in the next week we need to find some motivation to make this last chance a chance at least.

Oh well. It will get better girls, for all of us. It is the most challenging path to walk and the hormones certainly do not help :rolleyes: In the words of Homer J Simpson - what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger!!

:hug: to you all. And Willow - haven't heard from you. Are you OK?? Deb - how are you and how is the bundle??

Thanks guys - it does help to know that someone is on the same wave length. Not that I want you stay that way. I want great BFPs for all of you (and me) and then some of this nightmare would end. Of course we will just replace it with other worries and concerns but I say "bring it on!".

Yeah, Willow. How are you.
Lilylou - what have you been up to. Hope you are OK.
Deb - what's new. Please come on in and spread your rays of sunshine around the place. There's some girls that need it here!

Love to you all,
Debbie

:hello: Hello petals!!

I've been checking in but no one had posted after my depressing rants over the past week so I thought I'd stop boring everyone!! hehehe

How am I??? Hmmm....slowly going INSANE!!! This is the WORST 2ww I've ever had. Ever. It's not even the usual stressing about whether or not it's a bfp or a bfn (kinda used to the bfn's by now iykwim??) it's the "did the clomid work or not"??? I usually start spotting around now (prob due to my low prog levels) and i find myself trekking to the toilet all day to check!! Was the pits today cause I was at work editing some massive deeds and agreements for a pretty big transaction (am a legal sec) and my mind was not on the job - I was visiting the loo every 1/2 hour!! I keep trying to prepare myself for the worst but as you know, you still come crashing down in a big heap. It's just torture. So that's me.

As for you girls - I swear sometimes reading your posts is like jumping into my own head :p . I totally hear you on the scheduled bding "issue". This is one of the issues my DH and I had to discuss. Let's face it, it's just god awful and the pressure is overwhelming. It's only been 4 months for us, I don't know how you guys have lasted this long. What ever happened to a good old fashioned shag for the fun of it??? Ahhhh, those were the days before broken hearts and shattered dreams....

I also hear you Michelle on the existing not living thing - this was what my dh was trying to tell me but I don't know how to stop?? I was driving to the station this morning thinking about the only thing I ever think about these days and I wondered what did I used to occupy my thoughts with before this??

I am keeping my fingers crossed and sending out wishes to the universe that we'll get at least one bfp this month girls, hopefully for you Michelle as it's your last go on Clomid so a bit more pressure for you than the rest of us (if that's possible?? hehe). Here's hoping that old addage about 'things happening in 3s' is true (but can we have 4s please universe??) and Deb was the start of something wonderful!! :pray:

In the meantime, I guess we keep doing what we're doing. We can't give up girls!

PS Michelle - you poor thing re the investment property. They say buying property is the second most stressful experience in life after the death of a loved one and trust me, after working as a mortgage paralegal and conveyancing secretary for quite a few years I'd have to agree!!

***Sorry Chelle, I just re-read your post and realised that AF has already turned up this month. So sorry :hug: it's always the very worst time of the month when your mood just plumets. I agree, I'm sure your mood will improve once she p's off, always seems to be the case for me and thank god for that, it's so hard being that sad.

Willow - have you had your progesterone level checked this cycle?? It should give you a pretty good idea about whether you ovulated or not and if the dose was sufficient.

And I am with you - I don't know how to stop thinking about wanting a baby and getting pregnant again. I had a cuddle of one of the babies born around Caitlyn's EDD and to look at her is sometimes so hard. She is smiling, gurgling and just starting to say her first words (well bub bub anyway :D) And she is gorgeous and gives me lovely cuddles which is beautiful. But I have a friend who has just given birth to a little boy after choriocarcinoma after her first child, premature menopause due to chemo and failed IVF to ultimately conceive her own little miracle. She is my vision of hope when it looks like all is lost.

Here's hoping for that miracle for us all. Have a lovely weekend girls!! xx :hug:

Michelle, I am having my cd21 bt today, in about an hour actually so I better get my butt of BB and get organised! I won't get the results till Thursday when I go back to see my gyn but I figure I will have a pretty good idea by then anyway cause I will either have started to spot or not.

I have a niece who was born a week or so after my m/c . I remember having to go to the hospital to see them and thinking everyone would be watching me to see if I lost it when I held her. No one did and I didn't (thank god). I love her to bits but it is hard to look at her sometimes and not think of that time.

Yes I agree, just 1 BFP will do, then we can all follow one by one, Id be happy with that, even if I was last, just knowing that it will happen isthe hardest thing to deal with. I too think about it ALL the time, and I too wonder what on earth i used to think about!! I looked at my gardens this morning and thought yes, I used to love being out there pottering around, i need to get back into something else that give me pleasure. Maybe then the other will jsut fall into place.
My friend is pregnant, and I just dont know how to deal with it, she is kinda being very insensitive to all i have been thru,and it has thrown me alittle.I feel so mean for not feeling happy for her, but i feel like I need space to deal with it. Man I feel so *****y.. sorry, not me really...
Hope you are all having a better weekend than I. Next week I will be a box of cherios i tell ya....Hope everyone else is feeling better too, and come on you BFP out there... dust to all...

Hey Chelle,

Well this is another thing we have in common. My best friend is 7.5 weeks pregnant with TWINS her SECOND set!! I also have another very close girlfriend who is a few days ahead of her.

It is funny to see that with one I am totally OK, just so happy and excited for her, no icky feelings at all. But with my best friend I am having a terrible time coping with it. :( She too can be insensitive on the subject despite not having the best time herself (she had to go thru ivf both times to fall prg). I am finding my best coping mechanism right now is to create a bit of distance between us. It is difficult because we are both part of a very close knit group of friends which makes it a bit hard but I am not sure what else I can do.

I was out in my garden yesterday tidying up and doing some weeding and watering etc - I suggest you get out there, it's surprising what it can do for you!!

***Morning girls, just thought i'd quickly pop in and let you know that I won't be around much this week. My mum is coming to stay with us and we have a busy week planned so not going to have much time or opportunity for BB. I hope when I get back we might have some good news?? It won't be mine unfortunately. I had to end the torture this morning (was starting to imagine symptoms and that is never a good sign...) so I did a hpt - BFN.

HI everyone,
I am so sorry to hear you all so down. I have been so busy I haven't come in here for a while. I really am sorry... :hug:

I do understand how it feels I really do... However, once you get that BFP you don't have to have sex for mmmm a few months at least!!! There are lots of BFPs out there for us all. Debbie I understand about wanting to give up - give the procedures a go - I feel sure good things will come from that.
Michelle - I hear you. Try and dust off the candles and give it a big (????)effort this month.
Willow - what was your Prog.level? I hope you have a nice week with your mum....

I am going along okay. Feeling a bit achy yesterday and today - I think it's bowel related but it always makes me feel a little concerned... 8weeks and 3 days today. This pregnancy seems to be moving forward more quickly than the last one. I think because I am not feeling as stressed out. Tomorrow is my next obs u/sound visit. I am nervous about that too. I am not sleeping well with 3-4 toilet stops a night! Not complaining though.

I haven't helped much in cheering you all up but please know I think of you all a LOT and I am your biggest cheerleader. You will get there okay!!!! :hugs:

OK, very, very quick reply - haven't got my levels back yet Deb, will get them on Thursday at my gyn appt.

I am glad to hear you are well, have been thinking of you too. Good luck at your u/sound, always nerve wracking experiences for ladies like us unfortunately...am keeping you and Egbert in my prayers.