Needing some insight...

[LysnDan]

I'm so torn and need some advice and insight and I thought I would post here... for opinions (not asking for medical advice in any way, please don't suggest the gp because I am waiting for my appointment already...) im trying to weigh up the pros and cons of it all.

We made the decision shortly after our ectopic pregnancy in march (resolved in May)... That we would have no more children. We were advised against trying before we fell pregnant with the EP (not due to ep risk, but due to having severe early onset pre eclampsia with my DD) but I was already in my Two Week wait when I was told so it was way too late.

So, my question that I am torn about is that we really want another baby... but i am way too scared to officially TTC... But im not on pill or anything because I don't want hormones in my system just in case we want to try... After our loss (tube and bubby) and how severe everything turned out with my pregnancy with my DD, I am just not sure. Is this normal?

Anyways, im waffling...

Would you try if you knew every future pregnancy is extremely high risk? (of either ectopic or pe) knowing it's probably your last chance and if an ectopic happened in the other tube that was it...?

I'm so torn. I really want another baby, but I am terrified.

[LionsandBears]

In my case, yes I kept trying. We have no living children. Whilst no child can replace another, we still want to parent a living child. The ectopic was a bloody insult after everything we've been through already but I could no more control that than I could other losses. Losing a tube hurt. Watching other women have babies "easily" still hurts. But we want to have a baby to raise to be an independent human being. So we knew we'd keep trying.

I'm not a huge fan of making permanent decisions about anything in life whilst still in pain/grief/shock. I think giving yourself time and space to work out what you really want is important. In our case, we are terrified of another late loss. I mean, seriously terrified. However, we have hope, or we wouldn't have tried again. Maybe it's a case of feel the fear and do it anyway. But we have a lot of love to give and we're not stopping until we've run out of options or the emotional capacity to keep going.

Also, we've surrounded ourselves with support for this - medical and otherwise. We have a team of people as well as friends and family who will help us through this, one way or the other.

[Duchess]

I would keep trying.
Yes there is a chance of high risk, a chance of more sadness but also a chance you will get your miracle baby.
What if your turn is soooo close??
Unless told specifically it could be highly highly risky to your life and thus taking you away from your existing child I would keep trying for any child that is in your future.

[Ladylove]

PP massive sweetie

[LysnDan]

You both have a good point.
I don't want to miss the opportunity.
Guess we will be TTC in the near future.

Still a little apprehensive. Please tell me that feeling goes away.

[toomanyshoes]

For us the feelings/worry hasn't gone away more the acceptance that what will be will be.

We have stages where we try and other times we stop and take a break. In all honesty being pregnant again terrifies me, I want a baby but I reall don't want to be pregnant again. Our last loss hit us both very very hard, the pregnancy was completely unexpected we had given up months earlier and the only reason I found out was because I had been cleaning up and came across an unused HPT and thought it was a waste to throw it out without poas! I did it, through it on the bench and went about my day it was my last poas and I was fine with that, to our utter shock later in the day I went back and there were two lines, I honestly didn't believe it! At the start our HCG was great, it had happened when we had stopped trying like everyone said it would....we had hope and then heart break again at 8 weeks.

That was a real slap in the face for me, we've tried "trying" and lost, we've tried "not trying" and still lost!

At the moment we're in limbo.

I really don't know if I can cope with being pregnant again, I think I would make myself sick from worry.

We are so lucky to have two healthy kids and one of each! Not a day goes by where I don't feel incredible blessed considering what others go through, even with 6 years of TTC a third and too many m/c's to count!

I certainly don't think your crazy for wanting to try again, my only advice would be to make sure you have a good support network both medically and mentally.

Even with our two kids I had complicated pregnancies and have held off even thinking about trying while living where we are because I would be 6 hrs away from decent medical care, but we are moving in a week so maybe TTC will be back on the table?

I also think part of my problem is I built this idea of when I would be finished having kids, I wanted to be done with it by be time I was 30 and having just turned 30 I think I'm still mourning the loss of that dream.

But at the end of the day the heart wants what the heart wants!

[TickToc]

PP you've got great support here Hun. I think anythings possible & just because you had a rough time with DD's birth doesn't mean it's guaranteed to happen again.
Hopefully you have a medical team that can support you & allow you to extend your family. Xxx

[LysnDan]

Thank you ladies for the amazing support x

[Joeve]

Hugs I have followed your posts and feel your heartbreak.
I would try. I know you are high risk but You are in a good position as you are aware of what could happen and can prepare some planning around it.
I was high risk based on previous mc history and being on clexane until 34 weeks pregnant. Never a day went by that I didn't live with the fear that something could go wrong. Here's the reality of life, you could have a perfect pregnancy and things can still go wrong. You could have an event filled pregnancy and in the end have your babe in your arms. Life is unpredictable.
If you know the risks, you know what you could be getting into and still want another baby then do it.
As L&B said sometimes it is feeling the fear and doing it anyway x

[Mildez]

Just want to wish you the best of luck and I do hope to see a new baby of your own in your arms hopefully without all the drama you have had in the past xx

[LysnDan]

Definitely a feeling the fear, but doing it anyway kind of situation. Im scared and excited all at the same time!

Hubby and I know there are risks. But, we also know we will have access to a hospital who is equipped to manage and monitor the situation if it does happen again. And theoretically, it shouldn't get as bad as my pregnancy with DD!

We have decided (one worst case senario) if we have another ectopic and if i lose my remaining tube, and require IVF, then that's when we will draw the line and stop, that is natures way of telling me I am done.

We had a good long conversation last night and we are both comfortable. I know it may take a huge toll over my body, but I know this is my last chance at making my family complete. I am trying to do everything in my power to prevent PE from happening again (including lots of testing that I was umming and aghhhing about doing) and will be reporting everything that doesn't seem right (if I get pregnant) to my doctor!

Thank you ladies again for all your insight, thoughts and support. X

[Mildez]

PP that's how I feel kind of. In the end although the fear is there its the only way basically to fulfil the desire to complete our family so we are doing it anyway. And hopefully we are rewarded as if we are we know we made the right choice and if not we know we wouldn't have ever known unless we tried if that makes sense. Hope definitely keeps us going.
As for the PE FX next pregnancy wont be as difficult for you. PE is much more common with no1 so FX you avoid it next time or at the very least the severity is a lot more mild.

[juniper76]

It's a tough decision and I think L&B's point about not making permanent decisions while you're still grieving is spot on.

Just because there's a risk of having pre-e again, doesn't mean it will happen. Similarly, just because I didn't have it with DD, doesn't mean it can't happen if we have another pg. Risk and statistics can only guide us so far, but even if there was an 80% risk of a problem, that still leaves a 20% chance of everything being fine.

Which will you regret more - not trying and never having a chance at another child OR trying and having it end badly?

[LysnDan]

That's just it... If you don't try you'll never know. :-)

Im happy with our decision now thanks to all the views and insight shared with me here in this thread.

I've also spoken to a few of my friends and they have all agreed with everything that's been expressed here.

I feel I have excellent support to go ahead with our decision. :-)

[Mrs O'M]

PP I wish you all the best in your journey moving forward, I have been lucky enough to have received lots of words of wisdom from you in the TTC thread and agree with everything that's been said here too.

You will definitely have a support network and cheer squad on bellybelly regardless of the outcome.

Cant wait to hear how you go. Hugs xx

[LysnDan]

PP I wish you all the best in your journey moving forward, I have been lucky enough to have received lots of words of wisdom from you in the TTC thread and agree with everything that's been said here too.

You will definitely have a support network and cheer squad on bellybelly regardless of the outcome.

Cant wait to hear how you go. Hugs xx

Naww, thank you Mrs O'M xx