I just wanted to give my love to everyone and let you know I'm still lurking. I may not be on so much but pls know that I am sending you all the positivity in the world :bluedust::pink-babydust:
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I just wanted to give my love to everyone and let you know I'm still lurking. I may not be on so much but pls know that I am sending you all the positivity in the world :bluedust::pink-babydust:
Hi ladies
I have been off line for the last 2 days as I was in hospital. I went to see my GP as I have had a headache (now for 9 days) anyway - she did blood tests and sent me to the hospital as they think I may have temporal artritis (an infection in the artery that goes to the eye). I will have more tests and if my levels go over 50 (they are currently at 25 and sho0uld be below 12) they will have to put me on a steroid treatment. I really don't want this to happen as it will affect me with TTC.
Jen805 and Indy - call me Theresa as I know my username can be too long. Thank you for your kind words and support. I will be back on later once I get home from work.
I've hit bottom today. I was supposed to meet with my pg cousin (her EDD is 4 days before mine). We'd planned this weeks ago and she was the one who approached me. Then today, she leaves a card with the department secretary(she was to meet me at work) with "Because I'm a chicken who doesn't have the right words" written on the envelope. I didn't even read the card before bursting into tears.
I left the office to get some fresh air and she sent me a text message apologising and saying that she didn't want to upset me (to which I replied "too late"). Her reason was that she wanted to "spare me" and that if we had met I would feel worse than I do now. I sent her messages back (I would have called except my battery was running low) telling her not to assume she knew how I felt. That with Christmas approaching I already feel robbed and now I feel robbed of an opportunity to heal. I refuse to apologise to anyone for feeling angry. In the messages she's sent back, I can tell that I've ****ed her off now. At least I got her angry enough to be honest with me and admit that her not showing up today was self-preservation and not her way of sparing me.
I know she's had a hard time dealing with her daughter's genetic disease (which would have been fatal if she hadn't had a bone marrow transplant). And I can't imagine what she is going through now with her current pregnancy, not knowing if her baby will be born alive let alone healthy. But she's denied us both and opportunity to support one another and now we're angry at one another. I guess she has at least been true to herself by creating drama when there was no need, as only she can.
I'm just so tired of feeling sad and angry and tired. And now I'm supposed to apologise for it? I've had low moments in the past 5 months, but I haven't felt this low since the day after my D&C. How am I supposed to heal, when my own cousin throws it in my face?
On top of it all, today is CD14 and its been 4 days since DH had an opportunity to BD (MIL has been staying with us the last few days). And its the last thing I want to do now. I keep thinking its another month gone, another egg wasted. Not that I feel capable of parenting at the moment.
I'm sorry for the long, miserable post. I don't know who else I can confide in. My cousin now wants nothing to do with me and DH doesn't finish work for another 6 hours. Thank you so much, all of you, for being here when I need you.
HannahD - I am so sorry for your hurt and frustration. I have found that quite a few of my so called "friends" have deserted me in my time of need. Just shows you who your true friends are in a crisis. I hope you feel comforted with us here. I wish I could give you a big hug :hug: I am thinking of you xxxx
Hi all!
So sorry I haven't posted in ages, I promise I have been checking in on you everyday and sending out lots of baby dust and stickyvibes!! I know it may sound silly, but with so much of the disappointment that's been around (and definately going to leave in the new year!!) I haven't wanted to upset anyone with any pg news. I know, silly, but that's how my brain works sometimes.
But I just wanted to let you all know that I had an antenatal appt today and it went perfectly! I'm measuring perfectly to date, no gd, blood pressure is fine, Charlie is the perfect size and her hb is wonderful. It was very odd leaving the hospital with absolutely nothing wrong. DH was grinning like a fool and looked at me and said "so THIS is what it feels like". Hehe. We're very very happy.
I'm sending out so many hugs to all of you lovely ladies and keeping my fingers crossed that those BFP's start rolling in! I know the festive season can be really hard, but each day is a new day and positivity is the key. Easier said than done, I know, but that's why here is so wonderful, if you're finding it hard to find the positivity you need there's always someone here to help out.
Much much love and sorry for the lack of persies but my brain is scattered like crazy!
xx
Hannah D,
It must be the week for people upsetting us as I had another 2 people question me today about that they had heard Im pregnant and another came out and said "so no kids yet?". After much crying last night and today I think I am out of tears.
Just wanted to tell you "I get it!!!" I really want to give you a hug.
HannahD - Awww, So sorry your cousin is being so insensitive. She could've at least cancelled with some notice and made another excuse to try and spare your feelings. And now she is annoyed with you? It sounds like she has been through alot but so have you and it is not an excuse for her to treat you so badly. Wish I could be there to give you a big hug but it will have to be a cyber hug for now. :hug: We are all entitled to our sad days, it doesn't mean you are not capable of parenting, you will make a wonderful mother! And don't apologise for the sad post, I'm glad you can confide in all of us, that's what we are here for.
Tutmae - Congrats on the good news. So glad it is working out well for you this time around.
Theresa - Oh, that sounds awful. I really hope you feel better soon and you avoid having to go on the steriods. :hug:
erybery - it is so unfair and frustrating! It seems that it is so easy for couples to fall pg when they aren't tryng or aren't ready but for all those who want it so desperately we have a such a long hard journey. :hug:
Jen - Thanks, you always know the right thing to say.:) I actually feel like I am coming out the other side now but it has taken over 12 months to get here.
smi - I'm sure your pg symptoms will start in no time!
Indy - Hope you are starting to feel a little better. :hug:
MaternalBride - Glad you have a new job to keep you occupied.
plc - Not long now, how exciting!
Mannie - How are you feeling?
Hi to toccara, fificlaire, WTH, tam, issy, hannahas, AJC, mum's the word and anyone I have missed.
AFM - I just remembered I have been so busy that I forgot to call the FS for my BT results for Lupus. Guess that is a good thing! I feel like I have turned a corner this week and got to a really good place. It has taken a long time and has been a bumpy road but I have decided I am going to try and focus on the future and not what could've or should've been. I want to try and enjoy my life with DH and hopefully that will help me relax and things might just happen!
It's not to say I am not going to have my sad days , I know I will. I also know I have needed the last 12 months to grieve and heal and that a part of me will always be grieving for our lost angel. I still want a baby more than anything!
A girl I work with (she was due to same day as me but she m/c at 11 weeks) had a little girl today. The baby is healthy but she had to have an emergency hysterectomy. It is so bitter sweet. I am so happy their baby is healthy but I also feel so sad for them as I know they wanted more than one child and that has been taken away from them.
This whole baby experience is so scary. I know it is worth it but sometimes it is so unfair that such wonderful people have such a hard road. :wall:
Just wanted to also pop in and spread some :bluedust::pink-babydust:, positive vibes and blessings for this new thread ...
To those ladies who are feeling the horrible, continuous and unrelenting pain - I wish the hugs didn't have to be cyber ones. The best thing a friend ever did for me soon after losing my second angel was show up at my front door with coffees and cake - she just sat me down and let me talk and cry and talk and cry ..... and this thread is where you can have that. I certainly could not have climbed out of my dark cave without the lovely ladies here holding my hand ... I :pray: that 2009 brings each of you a lovely shiny :bfp: followed by a beautiful, healthy bubba .... time to clear out this thread :grouphug:
afm - I am still finding it a bit surreal that all is going ok so far with Bean, and am happy/amazed that I will be 14 weeks tomorrow. We had a reassuring nt scan last Friday - that and the doppler continues to bring me much relief ... and assist in zen maintenence
big big big :hug: for each of you
xx
I hear you all too. I have a "friend" who has been in my life for 11 years. I was really depressed the one day soon after we lost Zachary and I rang him for some support. Guess what he told me.....
he said" You are in a hole and only you can get yourself out of it, so call me when you are out of your hole." I couldn't believe my ears! I was devestated - all I had wanted was some encouragement and some support from my friend. People just have no idea!!!!:wall:
Theresa, erybery and Mel - Thankyou. In one way it is a comfort to know that I'm not the only one experiencing insensitivity. On the other hand, it is such a pity we have to experience it at all.
Everytime I open myself up to anyone from my dad's side of the family, I get hurt. I just don't have anything in common with them. I wish my dad was still here to help me understand them better. I'm almost at the point where I don't want a relationship with any of them. Its too exhausting. :wall:
Good morning ladies!
Doesn't it suck when other people try to decide your feelings...it hurts...it makes us angry...it causes feelings we can't describe...here is a little something that helps me when I'm having those moments..."The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you" I know it seems horrible right now...but your time will come...
Mel, jen, WTH, HannahS...remind me when the symptoms do show that I was begging for them...:lol:
tutmae...:dance: so happy Charlie is growing so wonderfully!
plc...We're thinking of you...
Krystie...Where you at young lady? How's Chyan?
Okay ladies I know there are so many I need to give hugs and smiles to...please know just because I didn't mention names you are all very special to me!
:grouphug:
:bluedust::pink-babydust:
:stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy:
HannahS--You know what's worse than the ones that complain about being pg? The ones that continue to drink, smoke, and act like they aren't pg!! :angry: I went to a party 2 weeks ago and was talking to a girl by the fire. She was smoking a cigarette... points to a little 13 mo. old baby girl saying that's her daughter... then points to her huge belly (which I had failed to notice because it was cold, so everyone was bundled up) and complains about being pg again (while she's smoking her cigarette!) :o I avoided her for the rest of the night. It was awful... when her 13 mo. old wanted her to pick her up, she said "Oh, no bull***** baby, go see your dad!" It's appalling to me that people like that are allowed to be parents!
WTH--Hope your OPK's begin cooperating so you and DH can get some sleep! I'm praying for a Christmas :fertilise: for you!!
erybery--Big :hug: coming your way!
plc--9 days!!!!! :leap: Are you mentally prepared to meet your sweet little baby girl?
AJC--Thinking of you and wishing you a happy and healthy delivery on Friday!!! Can't wait to read your birth announcement!! :stickyvibesgirl:
Theresa--Oh no, sorry to hear you were in the hospital! Hope you're ok and don't end up needing the steroid treatment... but if you do, and you have to put TTC off for 1 month, then at least you'll be healthy! If you're not healthy, you can't carry a happy, healthy baby!! Take care of you, hon!
HannahD--So sorry to hear that your cousin isn't being very supportive or sensitive to your efforts of trying to be supportive of each other. :hug: I can understand your frustration! I don't think you have anything that you need to apologize for--you're trying to be there for her, and she's not willing to do the same. I'm sure things will settle over time. Good luck, hon!
Eek! Have to get DS to school! Be back for the rest later! :grouphug:
Toccara50: Gray hair??? Oh yuck. But glad to see you back and sending cyberhug.
Issy02, fificlaire, smilanatu, plc1805, tutmae, jenushka: so glad everything's going well. Keeping you all in my prayers and keep us posted
erybery: I"m so sorry for your loss. Sending cyberhug and will keep you in my prayers
MaternalBride: You're right--preoccupied is good. It's so easy to start thinking about your uterus to much (guilty!)
HannahS86, WTH: wishing you best of luck!
Zachary's Mom: As if you need more carp to worry about. Keeping you in my prayers
HannahD: Sending a great big cyberhug. I'm so sorry. It's okay to pull back from family members sometimes, especially if they just don't understand. And right now you need understanding.
Mel1979: It sounds like you have a really good, healthy attitude. Of course, on your days you need to vent, here we are.
Sorry for no personals girls. I've read everything you said and relate to so much. It's overwhelming... Right now I'm scared. I'm scared of testing. I'll be 10 DPO on Monday and I have short luteal phases so I'll possibly know by then how this cycle went. I'm scared of how I'll cope with another BFN. There's no rule book on TTC after loss and everything is fearful for me. Not hugely so but enough to voice it.
I just found out another friend of mine is pregnant. That's 3 since I miscarried in October. It's so hard. I'm so happy for this friend though but it makes me think... How many people will fall before me?
tutmae--Hey girl, you deserve to share your great news... hell, you deserve to stand up on stage and belt out a tune about your baby girl Charlie!! Seriously--I love hearing updates from you! :hug: Please continue sharing your progress with us! Miss you lots! *kiss*
Mel--Wishing you lots of :goodluck: with your Lupus results! *hugs*
jenushka--Look at little Bean grow! 14 weeks already?! How did that happen... where the heck have I been? LOL Congrats.... it's a huge milestone for you!! :hug:
smi--Oh, don't you worry... I'll remind you how you were begging to be :sick: That's fo shizzle!! :rofl:
tempus--Hey hon.... how are you? I hope you're doing ok... hanging in there... You're such a trooper keeping up with everyone else--just want to make sure you're taking care of you! *hugs*
MaternalBride--Have you considered trying vitamin B6 to help lengthen your LP? It worked for me, and several of the other girls swear by it... Saying lots of :pray: that you'll get a BFP and won't even need to give it a try! *hugs*
:hello: and big *hugs* for mollycat, plc, Krystie, MO3B, Angel,Fifi, & Tam--Hope to "see" you girls on Friday! Love you all lots! *kisses*
Megsmum--Are you managing to maintain your zen? Sending lots of prayers and :stickyvibesgirl:
Hi everyone,
Sorry to have been so terribly slack about posting lately, have not been maintaining my zen well at all thanks Jen! I have been lurking though and checking everyones progress ;)
I just wanted to say hi and welcome to the new ladies - MaternalBride, Zachary's Mom, erybery, Polly, HannahS86, mumstheword, TY - I hope I haven't missed anyone. I'm so sorry for your losses and that you all have to be here. Hoping your stay is short.
TM - I'm so sorry to hear that things didn't work out for you :( Take care OK?
Mel - I was so glad to read that your prog levels were good and it looks like you don't need Clomid, that is excellent news! Sounds like your FS has a good plan in place for you though, more BTs to check what is happening sounds good to me, along with the lap. Hopefully the BTs might be all you need to hit the jackpot and not have to decide on IVF. Good luck with it all! Glad to hear that how feel you have turned a corner this week though, you know all those feelings you have been having are totally normal, so don't feel like you are being unreasonable because you aren't!
smi - Congrats on the BFP! :dance:
HannahD - :hug: I'm so sorry for your family's lack of understanding. Been there done that too unfortunately and learnt the hard way who to share things with and who not to. All I would say is if someone is not helpful then it's best not to talk to them about anything KWIM? Saves you a lot of heartache :(
Indy - I'm so sorry for your loss :( Good to hear you are getting a referral to an FS though, hopefully they will come up with some answers for you.
Sorry for the lack of personals, but a big hi to everyone else - Jen, jenushka, plc, tutmae, WTH (special hugs my dear), babymiracles, Issy, Tam83, Mannie, fifi, KL and anyone else I have missed. Hope you are all well!
AFM - Well like I said above have not been coping well at all. We have had 2 scares already :wall: My HCG levels were slow to rise in the first week after the BFP and prog levels dropped as well, so that had us pretty worried. But a repeat HCG 3 days later showed levels had gone up by more than double, so the clinic and FS were all happy. So I decided to ditch the BTs because they were just too stressful.
Anyway the day before yesterday, I had some brown spotting and absolutely freaked. That was how we discovered our last m/c - a bit of brown spotting. So the clinic booked me in for a scan and BT yesterday while DH and I prepared ourselves for the worst on Tues night, it was an awful awful night. But thankfully than scan went well, our little one measured 6w6d which was spot on our dates and HCG and prog levels were excellent. We were so relieved! I have had a little bit more spotting though which is still stressing me out - I wish it would stop!
So that's basically it from me, has been a really awful couple of weeks, and I am 7 weeks today so only 5 to go before I hit the magical 12 week mark. I'm going to be certifiable by then I think! But the MS seems to have arrived today, not really bad just yet, but getting that pukey feeling quite often now. Can't say that I'm all that unhappy about it either! I must be nuts :rolleyes: I have my first ob appt next Tues though, so hoping that all goes well, am keen to get another look at the little one and know that everything is OK.
megsmum - always know we are here for you sweetheart, sending you some special positive vibes.
indy & tempus - hugs to you :hug: take care
maternal bride - welcome hun, we have all been in your shoes. Ur voice - no matter what tone it takes - can always be heard here :hug:
Just wanted those who know AJC to know that she had her bub this morning by c-s 5 & 1/2 weeks early - all well and there is an announcement if you would like to know more. AJC is such a loyal supporter of this thread and posts often to show her support so thought you would prefer to know.