Trying to Conceive after Miscarriage/Loss -February 2009

Hi Ladies
Thankyou for all of your words of advice regarding not having early scan. You have all made me look on the positive side and i feel much better for it.

Jen - Just wanted to say that your last post made me want to send you a big :hug: it is so selfless of you to always be there for all of us girls and not often tell of the pain you feel yourself. I really cant wait for the day when i log on to find you announce your bfp i'm:pray: it will be real soon.

Shortcake - Glad that af is leaving for you, sending lots of luck for ttc

Smi - Hope you feel better soon

Toccara - Sorry that you are not feeling well

Jackjack - Sorry to hear that you still have flu :pray: you dont have whooping cough.

Mel - Glad to hear that you are feeling better each day and that af arrived so you can ttc again soon.

Littleangels - So sorry to hear of your loss,wishing you best of luck ttc.

Hannah - So sorry to hear of your brother. Sorry that your edd is coming up soon take care of yourself. Think its a great idea to do something nice for yourself.:hug:

Jen - What a lovely post, it was like reading my own thoughts. I have to say BB has helped me so much just by supporting and helping all you lovely ladies as much as I can. It certainly takes the focus of my problems and stops me feeling sorry for myself. Plus as much as I wish none of us had to go through this it is nice to know we are not alone. :)

HannahD - Big :hug: first of all. Sorry to hear about your brother, I hope he also gets the help he needs and you can someday help each other. I can certainly relate to your story as my brother also suffered from depression and anxiety (I was diagnosed a few years after him so he had time to deal with it and I found him a great help). It also helped me to know that I wasn't alone or 'crazy' in how I was feeling and it does happen to other people. It's like when you suffer a m/c you don't realise just how many other people are going through it. I think depression is very much the same and quite a taboo subject (although it is getting better) so it is not talked about so much and people are so great at hiding it. I know I was.

Only you can decide whether or not to go on the medications but the Dr told me the meds he put me on (I was on them for about 3 or 4 months) would not have harmed the baby as long as I stopped taking them as soon as I found out I was pregnant. He didn't think I would need them then as he thinks my anxiety stemmed from the m/c and not being able to fall pregnant again. He just thought by taking them it might help me relax and it may just happen. Well, it didn't happen and I ended up stopping them after a few months as I found myself worrying about talking them while TTC. I think the only thing that has really helped me is finding out the answers.

It is such a hard decision and everyone is different but I think you should sit down with DH and have a nice long talk about it and decide together. Talk to your Dr, there may be medications you can take which are safer than others, or even herbal alternatives? I am lucky in the fact that I seem to be able to give up the meds quite easily without any side effects, not everyone can and you have to be very careful.

I hope I haven't confused you more, I guess I am just saying only you can know what is right for you at this time. Just the fact that you are concerned about taking meds and are trying to get through it without them proves that you will be a wonderful mother so with whatever you decide know that that is never, ever in question. It may be you just need to be on them for a short amount of time to help you out of this black hole.

After what I have just been through I also have to ask, did you have a D&C when you had a m/c? I am asking everyone because my specialist told me it is very common for your tubes to become blocked after a m/c and if you didn't have a D&C then your tubes would not be flushed and you would never know. I thought it may have been a long shot but it makes perfect sense and I am living proof.

Now, as for pampering yourself I think that is a wonderful idea! Retail therapy always helps but a day at the spa to have a massage and facial would be lovely and relaxing and just what the Dr ordered I bet. Pity we all didn't live in Adelaide so we could all catch up for coffee and a huge slice of cake. Would love to be there in person to give you a hug and let you know everything will be ok but I will send a cyber hug :hug: :hug: :hug: for now.

Hope we have all helped you in some way. I really feel for you as I know how it feels to be in a dark hole you feel like you will never emerge from, but you will. It will take time but I know you will come through this and we will be here to help all we can. :comfort:

Ok, will be back later for some more persies!

Hi all - this one is for Hannah and anyone else who has experienced depression and debated use of antidepressants or not

Hi sweetie. I am sorry you are going through such a rough time. I was a couple of years younger than you when I went through my first bout of severe depression, and have since suffered from anxiety and depression on and off for over 10 years. I must say though that one of the hardest things is feeling like things cannot get any better and I have to say that they definately do get better - nothing ever stays the same so hang in there - but do not be afraid to get and ask for help.

My life has been sooo much happier over the last 3-4 years - I still struggle from time to time but it tends to be short lived. Anyway through my journey I have been on and off antidepressants for the last 13 years or so. In addition, I was very fortunate enough to find a truly wonderful psychiatrist who does psychotherapy and she has helped me enormously to better understand my self, my thought patterns etc. I have generally found that the antidepressants for me do not have a dramatic effect but they take the edge off things so I can function and think much more rationally when I am on them. I stopped them before my first pregnancy cos like most women I wanted to not expose baby to anything and felt my depression/anxiety were well controlled and that I could probably manage without it- but I was a real mess that short pregnancy so I found I needed to go back on them after my miscarriage.

Now I think i mentioned previously that my part time day job is a pharmacist - but in an educational role (education of GPs). One topic I have researched and educated doctors on numerous times and spent countless hours reading and researching on is antidepressants so feel my knowledge is pretty good in this regard. While it is not possible to 100% guarantee safety of any medication (or herbal preparation for that matter) in pregnancy - so far the evidence for some antidepressants is pretty good - Zoloft (sertraline) in particular has not been shown to cause any abnormalities in babies and when they have followed babies born to women who have taken zoloft throughout pregnancy, for up to 5 years there has been no problem in the baby/child in develop or function. What is also know is that being depressed through pregnancy can cause problems - babies are more likely to be underweight, be born preterm and have developmental delay - add to that risk to mother of severe depression. My personal decision has been to continue on with the Zoloft this time. I may stop it later in pregnancy as some babies can experience withdrawal symptoms (usually mild) when they are born if mother takes drug right up to delivery. Anyway what I am trying to say hannah is that of course it is a very difficult decision, but you should feel no guilt if you decide to try an antidepressant, and there is no evidence of harm with a drug like Zoloft. Personally I would avoid so called natural therapies particularly St john's wort which have not been studied in pregnancy and may well be harmful.

Can I also say that I have heard of some doctors saying you must stop antidepressants as soon as you know you are pregnant. That is quite irresponsible and uninformed for them to say. If a woman has mild depression then I would totally agree and if counselling alone is sufficient then fantastic. But when we are dealing with severe depression only responding to antidepressants then the benefits to mother and baby of staying on treatment (particularly with a known safe antidepressant) would far outweigh the risks.

I hope that helps a little and please if anyone has any questions or would like clarification or more information let me know

xx

shortcake - Thanks for the suggestions. I just might look into the spa thing.

jen - Thankyou so much for your beautiful words. You had me :cry: but they were happy tears. And thankyou for sharing your experiences. Maybe with your help I too can get to a point where I can help others "fight the battle of a broken heart". Goodluck with the skydive! That sounds like a fantastic way to honour your angels. And thanks again. :hug:

Mel - Thankyou for all your advice too. :hug: I did have a D&C so I'm pretty sure they flushed my tubes as well (I vaguely remember the doc who did the procedure mentioning something, but the details of that day are kind of vague now). Actually work might be sending me to Tassie for a conference in September :crossfingers:. Depending on where you are, we might be able to catch up then?

I just have to get through next week and then DH and I are taking 2 weeks off from work. Our angles EDD and our 4th wedding annivesary are both during this time, so we are planning to get away for a few days. Yesterday, I actually had DH seriously considering Bali! I'd be happy with a couple of nights in Victor Harbour, but DH wants to go interstate. I think a change of scenery will be a good thing.

I've also been reading a lot on pregnancy and conception in the last week. Since so much of TTC is waiting (there's the two week wait, waiting for AF to finish if she does arrive, and then waiting for that fertile time :rolleyes:), there are only a few days to actually do something practical. So far I've found that reading is something practical that I can do on a daily basis and knowledge is power, right?

At the moment I'm reading "Trying Again" by Ann Douglas. Has anyone else read this book? It covers the practical and emotional aspects of TTC, pregnancy and birth after the loss of a baby. (Although if you haven't had a baby die through stillbirth or neonatal death the chapters on what can cause these maybe just cause more worry, so I skipped those).

babymiracles - We must have posted at the same time. Thankyou for taking the time to share the information you have. Sertraline is the drug my doctor is recommending and she does have one or two pregnant patients who are currently taking it with no affect on their babies. But for now, I'm going to continue with just the therapy and see how that goes. At least I know I have another option if I need it later on.

Just wanted to post to Hannah - huge :hug: hun. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother and hope that in time when you have both dealt with your own problems you can be a support to each other. I think that Mel and Jen have given you such good advice and babymiracles some excellent professional advice, so I won't add a lot to it especially as I have no personal experience with depression meds. I agree wholeheartedly with Mel though when she says that only you can know what is the right thing to do. In the end you have to do what you think is best and also what you think that you can live with with regards to the TTC and meds.

No doubt about it though, facing EDDs after a miscarriage is an awful thing, especially when you have not yet managed to fall pg again :( I think that going away for a holiday and being together with your DH is a great thing to do. I know I feel personally like I can face these days better when I am with DH than alone at home by myself.

As for your doctor telling you to do something for yourself - what a legend! Could not agree with she/he more! Go and spend a day at a spa and treat yourself! I have done it myself during some of my blacker times in the last couple of years and it is a wonderful way to forget about your troubles for a while. And don't worry about not posting for a while if you are not in a good place either! We all totally understand - I am exactly the same as you that way, when we had big worries about the IVF working I just could not bring myself to log on here and talk about it. Everyone deals with stuff like this in different ways :hug:

Anyway, I've rambled on for long enough. Hopefully some of it is helpful! And massive cyberhugs from me to - wish I could give you a hug in person.

xxoo

HannahD - Sorry to hear about your brother. Your doctor sounds lovely. I had a facial yesterday - it was a great stress-buster. Add it to your list, Sweetie ;)

Jen - 2 weeks without BB? It will be sooooooo weird. I really want to know how everyone is going and see more BFP's on here. Thank you for your big PUKEY bucketload of :stickyvibesgirl: :stickyvibesboy: heading across the Pacific. I will wear them with pride.
Take care, hon :hug:

Megsmum - give your belly lots of lovely rubs from Aunty WTH while I'm away :bellyrubs:

Littleangels - welcome to our special place. You will find a lot of compassion, support and friendship on this thread. Good luck with taking the next step.

Flowerchild, Indy, Mannie and Chappas - thanks so much for your well wishes. They mean a lot to me.

AFM - I had my followup BT. Went from 296 on Monday morning to 1606 yesterday (Thursday afternoon) so it seems like quite a reasonable increase. I am about to head off on a much needed holiday for a couple of weeks and am due for my 7 week scan the day after I get back...

Take care everyone :grouphug:
WTH x

Hello Ladies!!

I hope we are all ready to TTC again this month and that we will be blessed with lots of BFP!! :D

I havent read through everyones post yet so i will do personals later, i just wanted to say that I'll be back TTCing starting this month. After a M/C in Nov 07 and failing to concieve from March 08 AND being diagnosed with PCOS, i have now been prescribed Metformin and am currently around the time that i should be ovulating *fingers crossed* The metformin is making me feel really ill but i was warned that this might happen.

Hopefully i'll be able to get to know you all soon and that we can all move onto the next stage of our lives with a BFP :)

Abbey

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to all my Aussie girls!!! Wishing you all lots of *hugs* and :kiss:


chappas--Thanks for that :hug: I needed it! A big one right back atcha! :stickyvibesgirl:



Hey Mel! *waving* Hope you're recovering and feeling less sore! *hugs*



Hannah--:hug: I really hope you enjoy your time away with DH! Happy upcoming Anniversary! Ok, gotta know... what did you do that was nice for yourself???



babymiracles & megsmum--:grouphug: for my fishy friends!



WTH--Woo hoo! Great BT results! Will miss you terribly, but hope you enjoy your time away! Hope there's lots of BFP's when you return! Sending some extra :stickyvibesgirl: (2 weeks worth!)



Abbey--:welcome: back--wish you didn't have to join us again! *hugs* Best of luck catching that egg! :pink-babydust:

WTH--Just realized you said PUKING :stickyvibesgirl: But I said I was using a pumpkin chucker to chuck you some :stickyvibesgirl: ( I said punkin', but it's actually pumpkin!) :rofl: Just wanted to clarify so that you didn't think I was sending you some puking vibes or something! :doh: Being pg is wonderful, but I really wouldn't wish m/s upon anyone! :lol:

Hi everyone,
Well my DH found out when I was 12wks2days preg (12/2/2009)that our little angel had died at 11wks5days. This was only last week and I have just come home from hospital today from surgery. My DH and I are going through the why us... what did we do wrong... It really did not help to see a mother with her new born baby leaving the hospital standing at the front desk to be discharged and telling her 5 yr old he was a naughty little **** and she would have to kick him up the backside now as she had a baby in her hands and telling him wait till he got home!!.... At this stage i really questioned the why us who would never say that to any of our children. I had to walk away as i was very unable to hold back my thoughts and views at this stage. Then she went outside lit up a smoke and was talking to a friend abnout catching up and to bring the foil!!!!:o and to pick up some grog because it wouldn't fit in her car!!!!!!!!!!!!:o
It just seems life can be so unfair...

I miss my Belly Buddies messages even though i do pop back in and see how they are going .. I don't post but I like knowing they are all ok.

I know that this is me talking when my head is not clear.

I would love to have another baby but the fact is I am so darn scared now with having lost this one at such a late stage. The worst part is I so want this but I don't know if I want this as I know that I could not go through this again. Our Doc was so great he said that our chances of this happenning again are very very very slim, and that it appears the placenta did not attach properly.

I was just wondering when you girls knew you were ready to TTC again?

I am going to leave my thoughts on this for a few months. When I have alittle more head space.

Also has anyone lost at this stage and then gone on to have a successful pregnancy ?

I just don't know
Anyhow thanks for listening,
EM

Hey Em,

I am so sorry you are going through this, its horrible.
I think its terrible that there are women like the one you mentioned then there are those of us who would give anything to have our babies back with us. :hug:

When to TTC - well I guess that depends on a few things.

Firstly, your recovery from the surgery, you will want your body to be at its best before you start the journey again, I would wait until you are fully healed - no pain etc. Having never been through surgery like what you have had I am not sure what that will mean exactly.

Secondly, your recovery from this loss. I guess its a natural instinct to want to be pregnant again as quickly as possible but emotionally you may not be ready to deal with the stress that comes from future pregnancies after a loss. It does vary from person to person. We fell pregnant with our last angel 6 months after losing Nikita (yes another loss) and to be honest I was not sure if I was really ready emotionally to deal with another pregnancy - that was UNTIL I got that BFP that was the only time I knew I was ready.

Thirdly, your DH readiness. He will be your best support person as you embark on another pregnancy journey (when time comes) so he needs to be ready as well.

I would guess that your probably thinking about how you will go next time more so than when the time is right? there are always fears that things will go wrong.

I wish I could offer you some hope from my own experiences,I can't but there are MANY women in here in BB who have been through what you have been through and worse who have gone on to have successful pregnancies following a loss and you will find so much support here.

Be gentle with yourself and give your body mind and soul time to heal.

Much love to you

Nae x

hi everyone... this is my first time posting in this thread and I am looking forward to getting to know everyone.. but i :pray: that you all get bfp's really soon!

well dh and i are ttc again after our 2nd m.c together (and my 3rd up all). It has been a hard journey to get to here... but here we go again. we are ttc again. we are not telling anyone at all (other then my forum friends of course) as we just don't want that added pressure.

so here is my background: I had my last m/c on the 14th Jan and we decided to get back into it after taking nearly 6 months to conceive again (it seems i only O every 2nd month too... just to add insult to injury). I O'd on 7th Feb so now it is just the waiting game. I don't think we will be successful this month.. but I still can't help but hope. It would be nice to fall quickly and without any drama or really trying this time around iykwim.

I have had some similar symptoms to my last bfp... but I am also missing a lot of symptoms from last time..........
LAST TIME
I had quite dull but strong cramping pains very low down in my pelvis.. this lasted for at least a day, most prominently though from about lunch time till bed time on one day.
I had increased CM a week after O
I had a major break out on my face and back (ewwww gross!)
I had very "heavy" boobs which seemed much bigger
I had an implantation bleed on the 12th Dec... i got my bfp on the 14th dec

thats all I can remember at the moment... this month I have had:
cramping similar to that which I had last time but this time it only lasted maybe 1/2 an hour to an hour thursday afternoon. I have also had an odd cramping feeling on the right had side, just inside and below my hip.
My boobs feel heavier.. but nothing like last time
My face has started to break out a bit on my chin and the bridge of my nose
I had some red spotting thursday night. it wasn't as much as my last bfp. It was definitely very similar in colour and consistency to last time though (sorry if tmi).

so.. that is kinda where i am up to... a week to wait till af should be due by 14 days from O... so I guess we will just have to wait it out and see.

megsmum - Thanks so much :hug:

WTH - BT results look great. Enjoy your holiday. You deserve it!

jen - The other night I cooked my favourite meal which I haven't made for ages. Not sure if that qualifies though. I haven't had a chance to do anything for me today.DH and I just ran a few errands - he was determined to get me out of the house today. Not very exciting, but we are conserving energy since its BD time.

:welcome: to Abbey, mrzbaby and boble. I'm sorry for your losses. I wish none of us had to be here.

Abbey - I hope the metformin works for you and you get your BFP soon. :pink-babydust:

mrzbaby - I think Nae has given plenty of useful advice. For what it's worth, I waited until AF came back (I had a D&C). Then I knew my body was ready and it gave me some time to wrap my head around what was happening and to grieve. Only you can decide when you're ready to try again. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide. :hug:

boble - I hope the symptoms you described mean you'll get a BFP soon. :crossfingers: :SAAF:

AFM - Thanks everyone for your words of support regarding my brother. I spoke to him yesterday and he seems pretty positive about getting himself better. And now at least both mum and I are aware of what's going on. Now I just have to get myself there.........

Hi Ladies Happy Valentines Day i hope everyone got spoilt!!

Boble, Mrzbaby and Em so sorry for your losses and that you've found yourself here. hope that you will be holding your forever baby real soon.

Hannah- great to hear that your brother is feeling better, hopefully you are real soon too :hug:

WTH- your results sound great! Hope you enjoy your break

hope everyone is feeling great and look forward to hearing some more bfp's :grouphug:

p.s does anyone know of a reason why i would experience pain while I am ovulating? I'm having bad pains in my right ovary and someone suggested that maybe I am ovulating my bleeding is extremely light almost not there but i know its not my period could I be ovulating? and is it normal to get this pain with it if I am?? So confused:wall:

Hello everyone ~ hope you're all enjoying a lovely valentine's day.

Here's my attempt at persies.....

WTH ~ happy holiday!

Mel1979 ~ think of you :hug:

Aw Jen ~ I know just what you mean about caring for others. I've even been baking bread for the people in my office (a truly sad attempt at deflecting attention away from myself which backfired badly into a very bad/sad day on Thursday!) OK, so your recipe tweaking doesn't include thyroid problems...surely there's another ingredient missing somewhere?! :crossfingers:

HannahD ~ given that you work with small people (not sure what age?) your hands are probably in need of some attention (I know mine are and I'm not on the floor anymore!). Maybe a manicure and a hand massage to pamper yourself? They don't take long but the impact lasts for ages. Sometimes even lighting a few candles and having a bath by yourself with a good book can be wonderfully theraputic.

babymiracles ~ your information about antidepressants was sensational. Thank you for sharing your expertise.

chappas ~ thinking of you too. :)

boble ~ :crossfingers:

My apologies for not being more thorough. As you know the fires have been dreadful here. Life has been quite strange this week. Everyone has been impacted ~ it feels like life has changed irrevocably. The powerful positive that is gaining momentum is the contribution that everyone is making to supporting each other. The current total of the bushfire fund is over $70m which is stunning. People and organisations are donating goods, time, their skills and tools, etc, etc, etc, to support people who have lost everything. It's quite overwhelming on every level. Thank you so much to everyone who has mentioned us Victorians. Our personal TTC journey is so important to DH and me, but pales into insignificance in the face of what has happened here. It's been really hard to be positive about very much at all this week and way too easy to feel overwhelmed (perhaps a hint that my grief is still very raw and maybe too new to be TTC already??? I'm a bit confused at the moment). Sorry this post isn't more positive now. I think I might lurk a bit until I get my head a bit more around the right way. I think of you all often and wish you lots of :bluedust::pink-babydust: and :stickyvibesgirl::stickyvibesboy: (please take whichever fits you best!!)

Take care everyone.
M

mrzbaby & boble--:welcome: I'm so sorry for the loss of your little :angel: It's really a traumatic experience, and I spent much of the early days afterwards just kind of walking around in a daze. Feeling, like you said, like my mind was very unclear--with the exception of what I can only describe as a slide show playing on 'repeat' inside my head... and I couldn't stop thinking about the things I could've done differently...and why did this have to happen?... was my bath too hot?... is it because I wanted a girl too badly, and God is punishing me for not being grateful?... it must be because I'm a terrible person... All those sad, depressing, self-berating thoughts just kept playing over and over again, making me feel like I was crazy! So I started doing some research on m/c, and I came across this site... and truly... it make me emotional just to think about it... this place saved me from myself! Being in a place where I couldn't discuss what I was feeling with anybody (at home), and basically having to pretend like it didn't happen for the sake of not upsetting my family any further, it was amazing to be surrounded by women who knew what I was thinking and feeling, and could understand what I was saying before I even finished saying it... or when I couldn't finish saying it, they just knew!

I knew the day of my m/c that I wanted to be pg again right away! My dr. told me to wait 2 months, but there's no way I could bear the thought of feeling the emptiness inside my stomach... to recap for me, I thought I was 13 wks., but when I started spotting and they gave me a u/s, they said my angel had passed at about 8 weeks. While I'm still TTC, there's so many positive stories of girls that have had losses--even very late losses--that have gone on to successfully have happy and healthy pgcy's. I personally had 3 m/c's after my first DS was born, then went on to have DS2 with no complications, to have another m/c afterwards! So you just never know... it's all in God's hands... you just have to have faith that it will happen for you when it's meant to.

You'll know when you're ready to TTC again. Obviously, like NaeNae said, you'll need to heal physically after your surgery. Emotionally... well, for me, I still don't quite think I've healed emotionally, but I cover it very well! I certainly wouldn't have wanted to wait to TTC all this time to heal emotionally.... so it's truly up to you to know when you're ready.

As far as support goes, you've come to the right place! I pray your experience here with us is as much a blessing for you as it's been for me! boble, I'm sending you lots of :pink-babydust: and some :noaf: vibes!

Happy Valentine's Day to my U.S. girls--oops, and those U.K. girls, as well! :grouphug: Wishing you all lots of hugs and :kiss: and maybe even some :bd:

Hope all my Aussie mates had a fabulous Valentine's Day!!



meh--:comfort: You're in my thoughts and prayers during this terrible time! Stay safe!



Sorry, I have to finish persies later.... thinking of you all!!

Sorry guys not up for any persies today

Think it might be over for me this time. Woke up with symptoms practically gone, plus brown and pink mucous and cramps - exactly how it started with my first angel. Trying not to loose hope completely but doesn't look promising. Was so praying this was going to be my forever baby :cry: