Hi everyone
I hope it's ok that I join all you lovely ladies and post here, I won't make this too long (hopefully!) but I hope I can share my story and get and give support here...I've been reading back through this forum and from what I've read, it looks AWESOME. So much love and support.
My DH and I were married in February this year and expecting our first bundle of joy in October. The first 12 weeks were rough but our baby was tough and a fighter. After the 12 week mark everything seemed to settle down and each day we fell more and more in love with our darling Spud and thought the worst was behind us. We had our 19/20 week scan on the Thursday and found out we were having a boy, although the sonographer was concerned about my cervix and suspected that I had an incompetant cervix and an appointment was made to discuss getting a stitch put in the following Tuesday. But we didn't ever get to the appointment, my waters broke at home on the Saturday night, the doctor up at the hospital wanted to induce me and give me an epidural so 'I didn't have to feel anything' which sounded great at the time but I'm glad now it didn't happen that way. A midwife checked me the next morning and because there hadn't been any further fluid loss and our baby boy still had a heart beat, there was a small glimmer of hope and I was sent home. However, by about 9pm that night I was EXTREMELY sick and feverish and managed to get some sleep, but woke up at 12.30am with contractions and our son was born naturally at 1.25am on the 8th of June. We take comfort in the fact that even though Brock had a heart beat in the morning, we believe he passed away before he was born and didn't suffer, a bitter sweet blessing I guess.
My husband was literally my saviour, he somehow managed to keep himself together enough to deliver our son, cut the cord, and then have the heartbreaking job of cleaning him, making him comfortable and driving me up to the hospital where I passed the placenta naturally at about 5.30am.
Thankfully I didn't have to have a D&C and I bled/spotted for 6 weeks after the miscarriage. I had an appointment with an obstetrician 2 weeks ago who said that everything with me was fine but he couldn't give us a reason as to why our son hadn't made it, but that it wasn't my fault. AF arrived this morning, I never thought I'd be happy to see it!!
We've decided to start trying again as soon as humanly possible, not because we want to replace our Brockie (that will never happen, he is always going to be our first born son) but because we want to have a family. The last 9 weeks have been the hardest we have both ever gone through. DH is coping ok, in a typical male way I think, I heard a great saying, men sigh and women cry. I have good days and bad days. The closer it gets to the due date the harder it is, we see babies and pregnant women and people who are due around the same time as me and its like a huge knife has been rammed into our chests and twisted around. I just want to know when the hurting will stop, why did God decide that OUR baby was better off with Him than with us??? We would give EVERYTHING to have Brock back, losing a baby is the MOST unfair and hardest thing that anyone could go through and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I am so so sorry that everyone here has gone through the same thing. It just shouldn't happen.
Thank you for letting me vent, I look forward to sharing this journey with you all, hopefully it'll be a relatively short journey, not just for me, but for all of you.
Natt XO