Trying to Conceive After Miscarriage or Loss May/June 2010

Kate: Welcome to the thread. Sorry for your loss and i hope you get another BFP really soon.
Angelfish: sorry for your loss. GLad lurking has helped. it certainly helped me when i did.
MInnie Mouse: so sorry for all your losses and the lack of understanding you are dealing with on top of that. I hope that BB helps you as it helped me and others.

Loops: Yay for the tractor but so sorry you didn't get your BFP. Still too early maybe? Hope so.
Reet: Hope AF shows up soon...unless a BFP does.
Damprye:What a horrible experience for you. I don't think a 15yr old would have the slightest clue what you've gone through. That's why BB is good: to get that understanding from people who know how hard a loss is, and how natural it is to want a baby. Not selfish at all. Oh, and i have had pain both sides around 'o' too. Very confusing in one way but i guess it still helps you know when it's happening.
Iona: GL for testing tomorrow.
Forshelby: Gosh, insensitivity seems to be the order of the day doesn't it? I think people who aren't in our position find it really hard to put themselves in our headspace, even if they are a good friend. It's hard to take from a friend though. That's where you hope to get support isn't it? I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Bons: Welcome back, we missed you.
Dory: Hi!

Sorry if i missed anyone. Hitting the button now before i lose another post!

Just popping by to wish Iona all the best for tomorrow morning!!! EEEKKKK!!!!
I'm off to have a hot chocolate drink now! Yum!

Does anyone else find that if they watch a show on tv of a mother giving birth it makes them very emotional??? They always have birthing shows on cable.. like bringing baby home etc.. i try not too watch them very often but got hooked tonight.., and yep! a bawling mess! i find it the most beautiful thing ever... i cant wait to be looking at our gorgeous little baby.. i think i will be the biggest blubbering mess ever.

Reet- When I first started TTC I found that no matter what I was watching on youtube I ended watching birthing stories and vids and whenever I am feeling rather down I chuck on 'Juno'.
When I had my DS i got a close friend to record it and she finally got around to sending it to me the other day and after watching my own child being birthed into this world I feel imensley better and my determination has stepped up a notch.
Watching the other stories and vids has inspired me to add my own as they have really helped me in the past especially when I need a feel good cry.
(Mine is linked in my sig ;))

Ok girls, a quick one from me this morn as need to get myself ready for training sess and try and put a firecracker under DS's bum!!

The verdict this morn is a BFN - still no spotting so maybe I'm going back to my usual 27 day cycle!!! We'll see

I'll catch up with you all when I get home later this morn

xoxoxox

Oh my goodness Iona! I cant believe that! Arent our bodies so so so confusing. Sorry to hear :( July must be our months!! xxxx

and damprye i cant see the link in ur sig?? (maybe im just being blind??!) wld love to watch it! :)

Iona- Sorry hun :(

Reet- It is in the second line first word ;)

AFM- nothing really, my chart today is still showing that I am only fertile and not yet "O"d so I don't know what those pains were about then or the increased drive, I always attributed it to "O" day :(
If I do not O tomorrow I will be very disappointed but I guess I can only wait and see. If it is not this month I guess I can just try again next month. Yay for optimism.

thanks girls...

Reet - hoping AF shows up in the next week. Totally understand about the emotional thing with shows....I remember in January before i found out I was pregnant, it was the early hours of the morning and I couldn't sleep so decided to watch some tv, I was watching Mad about you and it was the episode where Jamie was giving birth....I couldn't stop crying!!

damprye - sorry you didn't get to dtd last night,

minniemouse - hi and sorry to hear about your losses, I can't believe your own mother said that. hope we don't scare you off too much but we do get a bit crazy in here (well I think i do!!!)

possum - how are you travelling??

AFM: still no spotting, a few little niggles again low in the pelvis, was 10mins into my training sess and felt like I was going to throw up or pass out!!! hmm y can't our bodies just be simple and easy to read!!

Iona hun I'm sorry X Huggs X

Minniemouse - oh sweetie. I am so glad you plucked up the courage to introduce yourself, welcome! But I am so sadden to welcome you here, as it means the losses of your 3 precious angels and in such trying circumstances. I hope you are healing but the situation with your family doesn't help. All I can say, is their behaviour is about them, not you. Remember that. You should feel free to grieve your most recent angel and it's your business how many children you say is right for your family.

I have had almost the reverse experience to you - for my fist m/c people basically told me to "take a tea spoon of cement and harden up". Well not quite like that, but you know what I mean. Basically the message I got, was it happens, it has happened to me ( from many people) and get on with it. Interestingly as my journey progressed most people became more sympathetic. [my story in short from July 08 to Aug 09 - miscarriages at 8 weeks, 22 weeks, 14 weeks/21 weeks ( twins)]. But from some people I have also experienced what I call "grief fatigue". Again, it's about them and not the person grieving.

I am not so sure that experiencing multiple losses makes it any easier. It hasn't for me. I have heard and have known some women don't invest in their subsequent pregnancies at all because of fear of loss. All multiples does, I think, is prepares us for perhaps what our grief may look like, and maybe some strategies that worked the last time to get through. But each grief journey is different, as each baby is different.

Give yourself time to physically and emotionally heal before TCC. It's a good idea to do some investigations, and the time frames involved are sometimes a blessing in disguise. Go gently on yourself, this is a hard time. How are your other children managing?

Anyway, you will invariably always find support here and a listening ear.

Reet - I agree - it seems there is always something about babies, birthing, pregnancy in the media. I wonder if it was always there and I just never noticed or whether there is more of it? I think maybe its that I never really noticed as much before as I wasn't as sensitive to those issues. Now I seem to be drawn to them. But either way, doesn't make it any easier to deal with. For me, I have this really weird talent of picking movies to watch in the immediate aftermath of my losses which deal with loss, but on the face of it I didn't get that the movie would do that. There have been a few, but the one clanger for me was "Marley and Me". Expected it to be sad, about the dog, but totally left field about some other parts of the story. I felt like I had been hit by a truck and of course bawled. Sometimes when I am feeling really vulnerable I go searching for birth and baby tributes on u tube. One of my favs seems to be 99 Balloons. If you are in the mood for a good heartwrenching cry I recommend it. I hope AF turns up too. It's good news you O'ed but a bugger it was o hard to pick....

Dampyre - oh bugger, and when you are feeling randy and everything..... hope you survived.

Ionna - sorry about the bfn, but maybe, just maybe don't give up hope just yet. The combination of those symptoms just has something in my mind paying attention. And pity about your work out. I hate it when that happens. You build yourself up for a great session and then its ruined by nausea. Blah.

Forshelby - luckily for me I have had very little interest at the mo! The one time I did, DH told me that he couldn't because I'd told him previously I was too scared. DH said then if I gave in and he let me give in that I would regret it and live in fear and guilt and he didn't want that. Aww shucks. I am in sort of limbo. I haven't asked whether I can or not, so I've not been told I can't. But from the reading I have done and my own fear and some general discussions I have had with the Ob previously, it's just something to be avoided. Even other stimulation is being avoided at the mo, as some of the hormones that are released are thought to be involved with labour. So I am in a drought too. LMAO. I keep teasing DH I will ask the Ob about it in an appointment when DH is there...... I am thinking that maybe in another 12 weeks it might be a possibility as the risks will be very low then.... but the desire might be absent too. The mental image of even attempting it then just does my head in. Time will tell. Gives me something else to day dream and laugh about. Sorry if it was TMI! So snuggles it is... luckily its winter.

Anyway, I could keep waffling, too much time on my hands. Take care my lovelies. Good to see Murray still stalking.....

murray - thanks sweety....how are you going??

dory - you are so sweet to us all, mwah and you can waffle on as much as you like. Don't worry when I was pregnant with DS, DP didn't get any for the 9 months I was pregnant and even for a few months afterwards!! It just wasn't a turn on factor for me and so many people said that if it's a boy you get horny etc....nope I didn't at all!!

forshelby - my stalkee, hehe since I stalked you first. hope you had a better day at work then yesterday sweety xoxox

AFM: well girls....still nothing, no spotting, nothing, I even wore a liner today just incase i started to spot etc so will just have to see what tonite or tomorrow brings me!!! I tried to go back to January in my bank statements to see if I when I may of bought the HPT and how far in the cycle I was as it came back BFN but nope couldn't really pin point it but think i may of been 10/11DPO if I did it in that week!! I can't see me doing it the week before so the story goes it came up as a BFN I then had a couple of days of spotting and then nothing and didn't do a test until it was CD30 and it came up positive....so if nothing happens over the weekend I may do one on CD30 which will be in 5 days time

Oh my! You girls have been busy!! So much catching up to do.........

Iona - Sorry about the BFN. I was SO expecting a BFP for you.... I'm still holding out hope though that af will be a no-show. Let me know if the symptoms continue! I've taken a page out of the book of Iona today, and instead of getting that cheeseburger I so desperately wanted on the way home from work.. *drumroll* I had scrambled eggs. I know, I'm awesome. LOL Now all I have to do is muster up the energy to exercise. And thank you for asking, I had a bit better day today.

Reet - Wow, you O'd a week ago?! I hope you DTD then... maybe you'll get a sneaky BFP?? It must have been awful bleeding for 3 months straight after coming off the pill. i realise now how lucky I am for everything to go back to normal like I was never on it. I'm going to send you some "regular cycle vibes" since I clearly have lots. :D I wonder why some people struggle to regain their fertility after the pill, and others don't. What type were you on, out of curiosity? I took Trifeme 28. It was a combined pill. And yes, I feel the same about the baby shows. Lucky we don't have cable... although DP would just over-rule me anyway and put on a show about cars. LOL.... damn him! I get all choked up though just thinking about those kind of shows. Babies, not cars, that is.

Damprye - I'm the same, passing endless hours on BB. Sorry you missed out on the sausage last night, lol it must have been irritating! That 15y.o is an idiot, too. I know it's hard, but try to ignore what she said. She wouldn't know the first thing about TTC, or life in general. She still lives with her mummy, and can't even drive a car. Next time she opens her unenlightened mouth, tell her to put a sock in it. Even better, just take off your sock and hand it to her. LOL

Minniemouse - WELCOME. I'm really touched that you wanted to pm me, and saddened by your story. I can't believe your own family would treat you this way, in your hour of need. I agree with Dory though (wonderful wise Dory :D), and their behaviour is about them, not you. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with, I know... but it's the truth. Your mother should be ashamed of herself for 'playing favourites' like that. I think maybe she was just ashamed of her actions, and didn't know what to do. Of course, she ended up making it worse. A few months back, I had a bit of a moment where I got angry at my own mother for seeming to sweep my loss under the rug. I told her to stop changing the subject, and that my baby DESERVED to be remembered. She bought me a ring with our baby's birthstone in it for my birthday after that. I hope you can mend your relationship with your family, but it will definitely take time. Time for you to heal, and time for them to realise how much they're hurting you with their selfish actions. Good luck, honey, and I hope you find some comfort here with us. Oh, and I hope when you have those tests you get some answers, and can find the courage to try again. If it's what you truly want, never give up. I think giving up is harder than ploughing ahead... but that's just my opinion. It's your decision, and we will all support you no matter what you decide.

Kate - WELCOME to you too! I don't know how I missed your post. Will have to go back and find it. Sorry for my delayed reaction! :)

Possum - I had a decent day today, thanks for asking. I haven't bothered to respond to my friend's insensitive text yet, (the one she sent after I told her I was upset, basically telling me to get over it) and to be honest, I don't know if I will at all. I feel like for someone who has known me for 20 years to be so inconsiderate, then why even bother continuing on. She just doesn't understand, and I just don't have the energy to even be bothered with her stupidity any more. I don't need a friend like that! How are you feeling these days?? I'm glad you're sticking around.

Murraycod - Hi! How are things going with you??

Dory - I can't help but chuckle at your post. I too find the mechanics of heavily pregnant sex confusing.... I understand the fear you feel about DTD also. I think your DH did the right thing in resisting your advances. You would have been tied up in knots worrying if you should or shouldn't have done it. And I love your waffling. I feel like I get smarter every time I read one of your posts. :)

AFM, I had the opportunity to offer my condolences to my co-worker whose wife lost her baby today... and I just froze. I couldn't do it. I heard someone else talking to him about their own experiences with loss, and I just couldn't open my mouth. I started to get a bit teary and felt really choked up remembering my own experience. I decided I would probably only upset him more if he saw how much I was hurting STILL after my own loss. I still feel guilty for staying silent though. I just don't know what to say. So here I am, being one of those silent people, who go on like nothing ever happened while someone else is suffering. :( I hope I can pluck up the courage sometime soon, because I feel like it's the right thing to do.

One more thing. AF has pretty much left the building. Already! I only had about 1.5 days of bleeding, and so far the last 2 days have been the slightest spotting... so light, I barely even needed a liner. (sorry for TMI). I decided to use one though, because.... well murphy's law. If I don't, BLAMO! Messy. *chuckle* I think I'm cd4 right now. Looking forward to cd10ish where the bonanza begins. :)

Damprye - I just want to add.... I watched your birth video and am absolutely stunned. It's the first one I've watched. I've seen pictures, but nothing can prepare you for actually seeing it happen on video. I think I must have watched it 5 times. He is a gorgeous boy. Those chubby cheeks... awwww. Now I just have to stop hyperventilating, lol. I'm suddenly a little bit scared to sign up for that kind of pain. :o OMG

Forshelby - blah I just lost my post as I pressed the wrong button. Dory moment. Aww schucks. Thanks, flattery will get you everywhere. Don't worry about freezing today with your colleague. Today just wasn't your time. If you want to do it, you will, you are determined! Don't worry too much about upsetting him. Your intentions are genuine and you have insight, remember he's already hurting and upset. You don't have to tell him why you're upset, and he'll just assume that you're upset for him. If you can't say the words you want to him, why not send him an email or card or invite him to coffee ( so you can talk away from prying ears). You will do the right thing, just don't be too hard on yourself. One of my work colleagues could never talk to me about my losses but she wrote the most beautiful emails to me. I cherish what she wrote and I just accepted that's how it was. The other thing? Most men won't over analyse (? sp) things like we women tend to, and he will most likely just appreciate you've made the effort.

Good news about AF... can't wait to hear about your BD bonaza... I have the theme song to Bonanza running in my head now.. he he.

Iona- FX it's just too soon, if not then I wish you a good cycle.

Murray- I hope your next u/s goes well and puts at least some of your worries away for a while.

Dory- How is you pg going :)

ForShelby- Yay for AF leaving :) I am trying not to think of what that little girl said. She is one of those ones that didn't even know she was UTD until she was told at the hospital in labour... I wish I were like that. I keep going over it in my head though wishing I had of stuck up for myself. She just doesn't get it, I only have so long before it becomes more or less impossible and I never know how long I have left for TTC.
LOL, it didn't really hurt at that stage, I can barely remember that part other than when they put him on my stomach, he never let out a squeak, he just laid there looking up at me. He was 8pound4 and is still a chubba :D in hossy he lost 10grams by lunch the next day but the day after he was 200grams MORE than his birth weight lol. Also it is only a 1 in 100 chance or havng a posterior baby so please don't be scared, it is truely a wonderful experience :)

AFM- Even though I have already gone on a bit lol. Kinda annoyed that I didn't get to DTD last night as I am so not feeling it today. If I don't get UDT this month he is so in for it next month ;) hehehe, there will be no excaping lol

Dampyre - I just watched it too... you were pretty quiet girl, long labour? Thanks Forshelby if you hadn't mentioned it I wouldn't have gone looking.

HAHA quiet is definately not what I would call me. In the video is the quietest I was and only because all of the last of my energy was going into pushing the lil blighter out. Before then I was scareing all the other ladies in labour, you could hear me halfway down the other end of the hossy lol.
It was a very long abour, 45hours active, over 6weeks since my waters had broken.

Good evening again lovelies!
Oh Dory it is so lovely to hear from you! I will be on the count down for your 99 days!
Forshelby - I can understand freezing, I have just found out a close family friend has miscarried her baby and I just dont know what to say.....I feel heartbroken for her, but it has also made everything a little raw for me too......
Dampyre - Fingers crossed for your TWW! I hope you caught the egg!
Welcome Minniemouse and Kate!
Alice - Sending you hugs out there in Lurking land! xxx
Murraycod - I hope your u/s goes well! I cant wait to hear how it all goes......as hard as it is to relax, try and enjoy the moment.....they seem to be on fast forward all too often xxx
Mathewsmum - Good luck for your next round.....its getting close now!
Iona - sorry about your BFN, Try for July;)
Possum - How are you Hun?
AFM - AF arrived this morning, wasnt expecting her for a few more days......:doh: I am down spending time with my mum, its nice to be away from home for a week or two.....

xxxx