I have to say I really hate that my breasts are now extremely sore right after ovulation...that used to be my sure fire you're pregnant symptom...not anymore! Seems like everything that used to be no doubt about it signs are now just signs that yes you ovulated...I'm bummed.
My favorite weather personnel announced this morning that she is expecting twins May 7th...and one of the ladies I work with just told me her DIL (who has cerebral palsy) is expecting May 16th...I truly am happy for them I just wish I had some happy news to share...ANYWAY...someday God Willing...
Oh Mannie, no! Please tell us that your ticker and FF chart are wrong! I've been checking the thread to see how you are, and I was hoping for some wonderful news. I am so sorry honey
I know it's hard to stay strong during a time like this, but please know that we are all here for you. My thoughts are with you
Mannie - i am so sorry (words you don't want to hear I know). There really are no words to describe how sorry I am - wish I could give you a hug sweet. Remember we are here for you - when ur ready to talk.
Mannie honey I am so so sorry. When you are ready we are here.
I just POAS and it was a BFN. I know I am not supposed to until Tuesday but am pretty sure we are out. I am going to take a break until next year.
Love to you all
Adele xx
Mannie..
Please excuse me ... I'm crying as I write this.....
My heart goes out to you. I know that feeling all too well. Listen dear... I know this is tough but I think you should wait a cycle or two to try again.. see The doctors know what they are saying when they say: "Wait a cycle or two before trying again".. because these things do happen. I'm sorry you had to go through this again so soon after your other loss... I dreaded that and that's why I'm so happy AF showed up on me.
Maybe you and me can be TTC buddies in Jan 2009. That's when I think it would be "safe" to try with this doc.. try to find yourself a specialist.. a Perinatologist.. I'm sick of miscarrying and won't tolerate one more loss. Really... I won't tolerate it. So this time around I want to do things right.. and I will follow each and every doctor's orders .
I am praying for you to heal... it will take time but you will heal.
Please take care of yourself.. some of the things I might say are things you probably don't want to hear.. but coming from the exact shoes you are in.. I'm just sick of all this heartache and I hurt that you too had to go through this again.
May God give you peace and courage. ♥
We both will be blessed..along with all others here. Let's give 2008 a good bye and look forward to what 2009 can bring. Let's start fresh.. from zero.
Hopefully 2009 has a baby in hand for us! ♥
I wanted to share this with all of you.. because.. if you think of it that way.. it is a beautiful thought.
SPIRIT BABY
Colin, my twelve-year-old son, discovered me late one rainy afternoon sitting at the kitchen table, a damp Kleenex crumpled in my left hand, wiping my eyes as I tried to compose myself for his sake. It was the third week of January, two months after I'd miscarried a pregnancy, but I still found it impossible to get through a day without at least one meltdown into misery.
Stunned w hen the test came back positive, Rog and I had stared at each other with doubt and ambivalence. At forty-one, my professional life consumed me. I'd just achieved what some had predicted was an impossibility: I'd been granted delivery privileges at Alta Bates, and as a consequence, my midwifery practice burgeoned. Some months I delivered twelve babies, and no one ever knew if or when I'd be home. Rog, too, felt stretched to his limits, keeping his business afloat while picking up the slack for my frequent unscheduled absences. Colin and Jill approached their challenging adolescent years. How could we fit an infant into our lives? But when I lost the pregnancy and all hope for resolution dissolved with my tears, I fell in love with the baby that was not to be.
Colin asked, "Are you crying about the baby?" and when I nodded tearfully, he said, "Well, you just have to have another one, Mom, because it's a Spirit Baby, and you should be its mother."
I must have looked puzzled because he said, "Don't you know about Spirit Babies? How could I know about them if you don't? I mean, you're my mom!" But he could see my perplexity.
So my first child, this not-yet-teenaged boy, pulled a wooden chair to my side and draped his thin arm across my shoulders, saying, "Well, Mom, here's how it is. See, I was one myself, so that must be how I know. Anyway, every woman has a circle of babies that goes around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in line. If she gets pregnant, then that's the baby that's born. If she doesn't get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the baby's born?now listen, Mom, because here's the really cool part. It goes back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies give it cuts. Each month, it's always first in line. Isn't that great?
"So you just have to get pregnant again, and you'll have the same Spirit Baby. If you don't, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little Spirit Baby over to some other woman's circle, and it'll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until it finally gets born.
"But it'd be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you lost before I was born?" I nodded wordlessly. "Well, that was me. Really. I've always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I'm talking about here, Mom."
In spite of Colin's certainty that our household, so often bordering on chaos, lacked only an infant to make things perfect, Rog and I demurred. But Colin didn't give up and even enlisted his sister's support. Driving with them in the car one evening, I looked at my son in the passenger seat beside me. He stared out the side window and tried to hide his tears, but I saw the flush on his face, the shaking of his shoulders, and the surreptitious swipe of hand across cheek.
Six months had passed since my miscarriage, and I had just finished yet another discussion in which I'd told my pleading son that having a third baby at my age was out of the question. I reached over the space between us and squeezed his fingers. "Colin, I don't understand this passion you have for a baby. Why do you want one so much?"
He tore his gaze from the distant hills and looked at me with swimming eyes and trembling lips. In a choking voice, he put all of his twelve-year-old passion into his reply.
"Oh, Mom! Oh. Just for the joy of it!"
Jill stretched forward from the back seat and placed a hand on each of our shoulders. "Yeah, Mom, just for the joy of it."
It was my turn to look out the side window and struggle with misty vision.
So, at a time when most women eye the empty nest at the end of their branch on the family tree with something approaching relief, I gave consideration to laying just one more egg. Several months of discussions peppered with doubt and disbelief followed. Although Rog and I made the final decision, there's no denying that a big part of our decision to have a third child began with the insistence of our adolescent children that we "needed a baby in the house." Rog and I took a deep breath, looked at each other across the blond heads of those two wishful children, swallowed ? and made a giant leap of faith.
I conceived my Spirit Baby a week later. Just for the joy of it.
Ruthie - that is truly moving - thank you so much for sharing
A book that helped me a lot when TTC and recommended by a fellow BB-er is;
Spirit Babies: How to Communicate with the Child You're Meant to Have - Walter Makichen
Plc, Fifi & Flowerchild: Isn't that story just beautiful??? the first time I read that ( a friend sent it to me by e-mail on Sept 13th the day after my D&C) I just wept.
Gosh.. If we were all neighbors I bet we would all be in my living room right now sipping hot chocolate and sobbing together!!
Sometimes a good cry results in this soothing peace.
I love you ladies.
Oh... Plc:.. a Book that I'm reading and think it's just awesome is supernatural childbirth by Jackie Mize. OMg It's a MUST read for Angel baby mommies!!! ♥
Mannie : Stay strong momma.. WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU ♥ !!!!!!!
Last edited by RuthiePCOS momma; November 2nd, 2008 at 07:36 AM.
Its just a fitting day to have gone to Mass today as its all souls day, so I prayed for my babies souls and those of all you lovely ladies who have also lost babies this year. Life is eternal and I know that I will meet my two babies when I too make it to heaven so I shed a tear or two at Mass today but am now stronger to fight the good fight ahead of me next year. Your right Ruthie, I'm going to give my body time to heal and get back into sync again and will give it til Jan 2009 to try again, because my spirit needs to heal and try and think of going through this whole process again.
I loved that Spirit baby story, and cryed reading it, thankyou, that little boy had a great take on where our angel babies are and I know that eventually they are all born to women somewhere in the world. Life is a gift and we just need to make the most of it and know that we are as women are blessed to be able to create a miracle so here's to Jan 2009!!!
Registered User
Listen dear... I know this is tough but I think you should wait a cycle or two to try again.. see The doctors know what they are saying when they say: "Wait a cycle or two before trying again".. because these things do happen. I'm sorry you had to go through this again so soon after your other loss... I dreaded that and that's why I'm so happy AF showed up on me.
that is truly moving - thank you so much for sharing
Bookmarks