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My candle is lit. I miss you baby boy.
I had a beautiful lunch today with my heavily pregnant girlfriend and I was reminded that I am so lucky to have wonderful friends who support me in here and in my real life. Thank you ladies, I honestly do not know what I would have done without you all over the last few weeks.
May today bring some peace to us all.
Adele
I just wanted to post these again in the thread, as a single post. I hope you don't mine that I have added a little bit of formatting to them.
A Pair of Shoes
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they dont hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cameron Azrael & Krystal Sariel
We'll never get to hold you,
Or look upon your face.
We'll never get to show you,
Our love through our embrace.
We'll never have the feeling,
Of you calling out to us.
We'll never know the feeling,
Of you looking up to us.
Why you were taken away from us ,
We'll never really know.
We look around for a sign,
As to why you werent to grow.
There is nothing we can do right now
Our minds are an absolute mess.
There is confusion, sadness, sorry,
And anger I must confess.
Our tears can not bring you back,
Back into our world.
You are gone from us on this plain
We'll meet again I know.
So until that time I ll say to you,
And you must listen to your mummy.
Watch out for us when we come one day,
Your mummy and your daddy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did my babies have to leave?
Why did they have to die?
I'm left down here just wondering,
Why are we left to cry?
What did I do to make them leave?
Why Lord, could they not stay?
You knew I'd love them very much,
Why take them far away?
'My child', said God, 'please understand
I hear you as you pray,
Your children never left you,
For in your heart s they'll stay.
I needed your sweet angels
In my nursery up above,
They learned life's lessons quickly,
My child, you taught them love!
I let them visit often,
As in your bed you sleep,
They come and lay beside you,
And gently strokes your cheek.
When troubles fall upon you,
And you don't understand,
I send your Angel Children
To guide you by the hand.
Please trust in me as on your way
In life you gently tread,
For Babies are right beside you,
I tell you, they're not dead'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remembering
Go ahead and mention them,
the ones that died you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further,
the depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry,
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing,
the tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurting when you just keep silent,
pretending they didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention them,
knowing they will be missed.
You asked me how I was doing,
I say "Pretty Good" or "Fine"
But healing is something ongoing,
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DO YOU REMEMBER?
Do you remember all the days, the hours, the moments
That you shared your life with me, nestled in my womb?
The feelings of joy, the happiness I felt knowing you were there?
I do. Do you remember the day I lost you, that day filled with gloom?
When I felt my world collapse around me, my heart filling with regret
At the thought of you just dying inside of me? Yes, I do.
Can you remember me talking softly to you whilst you were growing
Inside of me? Telling you all of our plans, even your name?
I can. Do you remember hearing my voice singing softly to you?
Can you still feel all my love for you even though you have left?
I feel it still. Do you feel it baby, do you remember me, your mummy?
I hope so , for you are still locked in my heart, locked so
Tightly, and I'll never let you go 'til it stops beating and I see you
In Heaven, and you say, 'Mummy, I remember you, yes,
I remember it all.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DEAR MOTHER
Dear mother, dry your tears today, you know I love you so.
It hurts me much to see you cry, oh mother, don't you know?
I'll never leave you all alone, I never left your heart,
God took me by the hand that day but said we'd never part.
He kept His promise to me, I visit all the time,
You are the sweetest mother an Angel here could find.
If I could write a letter, I'm sure you know I would
To let you know I'm safe from harm and Heaven is so good!
I'm here with many Angels, so many that you know!
Our family sends all their love to you on earth below.
We know one day we'll meet again when one day you come home,
We've saved a place for you dear mum, it's near our Father's throne.
We'll wrap our arms around you mum and lead you up God's stairs,
'Til then dear mum, please carry on and dry those streaming tears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHY?
Why did you have to leave me?
Why did you have to fly?
Was I not meant to keep you?
Why do I have to cry?
I want you back here with us,
Things will never be the same.
How can I carry on just now
And play life's awful game?
I hope one day we meet again
In Heaven up above,
I hope you all can feel
That I'm sending you my love.
Just play on precious Angels,
But will you promise me?
The day I'm called to Heaven
You'll be at the gates for me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
Please love my Angels that dwell with you above,
Please hug them for me tightly with your precious, tender love,
Dear God,
Please sing them lullabys as they lay down to sleep,
Please comfort them and just be there if they should ever weep.
Please let them know I love them both and wish I understood
The reason they're in Heaven, please tell them to be good.
Are fluffy clouds their pillows, to lay their heads at night?
And do the stars just twinkle to give them little light?
Will you watch them all so carefully and always hold their hand?
And answer all the questions that a child can't understand?
Do you tell them all about me, do they know just who I am?
Are they with my family, my Nana and Grandma?
God,
do you ever pick them up and sit them on your knee?
And rock them oh so gently if they ever cry for me?
God,
do they play with children's toys in Heaven up above?
And have they met your precious son that died for us in love?
I have so many questions Lord, I want to understand
Just why my little Angels are up there, was their life planned?
I dwell down here and feel like we're a thousand miles apart,
Please help me God, please hear my plea,
Just mend this broken heart!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A MOTHER'S GRIEF
She carries such a heavy heart, her tears will often flow,
Seems everyone's avoiding her, seems no-one wants to know!
Her grief she carries all alone, nobody seems to care,
Or help her ease this burden, this burden she must bear.
Her baby has just left her, but where, where did he go?
Why did he have to leave so soon, and will she ever know?
A mother's grief's a lonely path, she only wants her child,
For other's understanding, their love, if only mild!
To talk of her lost baby, acknowledge her real pain,
To tell her life will soon be bright, she'll see her child again,
For he has gone to Heaven, an Angel up above,
Where there's no tears or dying, just great eternal love.
Try understand this mother's grief, praise God it was not you
That lost your precious, wanted child, for he was wanted too!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are two songs I listen to when I want to feel close to my 's
Celine Dion - Fly
Avril Lavine- Slipped Away
Maybe you would like to listen to them tonight while your candles are burning
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Think Before you speak
Dear friend, today you broke my heart,
In a place that was unbroken.
You did it with your thoughtless words
That should not have been spoken.
You know that I am grieving
That my pain is deep and real
Your hurtful words pierced like a knife
How do you think I feel
You may not suffer my loss
Or share this lonely grief
But I m mourning my baby,
Who s life was much too brief
I m sure you dont know how I feel
I dont expect you to
dont ask me to get over it
thats something I cant do
Without grief there is no healing
Its a journey I must make
Its not the path I would choose
But one I m forced to take
No matter how you choose to see
What I am going through
I need compassion and support
I d do the same for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just Say ?Im Sorry?
You dont know how I feel
Please dont tell me that you do
There is just one way to know - have you lost a child too?
You'll have another child!? - must I hear this each day?
Can I get another Father , too, if mine should pass away?
Dont say it was gods will
That s not the god I know.
Would god on purpose break my heart,
Then watch as my tears flow?
arent you better yet??
Is that what I heard you say?
NO! A part of my heat aches -
I ll always feel some pain.
You think that silence is kind,
But it hurts me even more.
I want to talk about my child
Who has gone through deaths door.
Dont say these things to me,
Although you do mean well.
They dont take the pain away;
I must go through this hell.
I will get better slow but sure -
And it helps to have you near.
But a simple 'I m sorry you lost your child?'
Is all I need to hear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To Where You Are By Josh Groban
To Where You Are
Who can say for certain
Maybe youre still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
Youre still an inspiration
Can it be (? )
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know youre there
A breath aways not far
To where you are
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isnt faith believing
All power cant be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know youre there
A breath aways not far
To where you are
I know you?re there
A breath aways not far
To where you are
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Name By George Canyon
The words to this song are from the unborn baby. This one still brings tears to my eyes every time i listen to it.... it is so beautiful and exactly how I see it.... They are still up there our little angels.... waiting.
Its cold in here feels like everythings upside down
I can feel you talking but I can barely make out the sound
I been kicking around these parts, feels like a year
Im gonna change this world if I ever get out of here
She wants to dress me in pink, paints my bedroom blue
And I just laugh to myself, because only I know the truth
This love is my only emotion
Havent learned any fear any pain
Its kind of funny with all this commotion
I guess theyve got me to blame
And they dont even know my name
And they dont even know my name
Well Ive never felt so ready, think its finally time
Cause that big old world is waiting, and its mine all mine
Just then everything got real quiet, it got real bright
And a man took my hand said dont worry, your momma's gonna be all right
Then he opened the gate, & I followed him in
Said you can wait right here till its your turn again
And his love is the one true emotion
Heaven knows no fear no pain
I never got to set my wheels in motion
But they loved me just the same
And they never even knew name
Didnt even know my name
You loved me just the same
And you didnt even know my name
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fly
Fly
Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wing of Heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again
Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this memory bittersweet
Until we meet
Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget
Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Miss You
Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh
Na na la la la na na
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh
I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by
Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back
The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...
Nah nah, nah nah nah, nah nah
I miss you
Trillian.... no need for additional comments..... just a Thank You :hug:
Good morning you wonderful ladies
The 15th has only just started in the uk, still only 8.30 am
I will be lighting my candle at 7pm tonight in rememberance of our wonderful :angel:
I would just like to say a massive thank you to all you ladies on BB. Without you i dont think i would've got through the past 3 months or so. you have been my saviour. when i have felt down, you have been here to comfort me. when i have needed someone to talk to, you have all had ears to listen. I genuinly believe i wouldnt have got through this without you.
From the bottom of my heart - THANK YOU
:grouphug: :hug: :loveshower:
Angel - Thank you so much for all the poems and songs. I can't begin to explain how much they have meant to me today while reading them all and thinking of my angel. Many of the poems caused me to shed tears, but they are healthy tears. Thank you for all you have given us.
Trillian - Thank you for returning the words to us.
To all the wonderful ladies that have come and gone from this thread - Thank you from the bottom of my heart. We all sought this place out for the same sad reason, but in doing so we found a wonderful place filled with amazing people. I can't begin to describe how much you all helped me through what was one of the most difficult times in my life. You are always in my heart...
[COLOR="Magenta"] A BIG THANKYOU LADIES you were there when I needed to talk to someone who knew what I was going through, thankyou again.
I'm very excited today as I have ovulated and know my cycle is now back on track finally. At my acupuncturist today she pressed down on my ovaries and felt my lymph nodes and I felt some pain in my right ovary and she confirmed that I had ovulated as it was still very tender, she was as excited as I was, so we DTD yesterday morning and we'll be doing it again tonight just in case, but lets hope we caught that special egg yesterday!!
I'm wearing Pink and Blue and my DH has also said we will say a little prayer tonight when we light our candle that jesus is looking after our angel baby ane all the other angel babies up there til its time for us to meet again
lots of love and hugs to you girls jen, angel, dellydoo, megsmum, mollycat, joey, issy, ruthie, toccara, Tam, Bec, 21, babyfever (where are you??) :stickyvibesgirl::bluedust::SAAF:and to all the ladies like Larz , Krystie, and Jenushka oh and JOey who are blesssed to be carying now I pray that you have a fabulous wonderful experience and look forward to joining the mothers club at some stage in the future.... :grouphug::bluedust::bluedust::ttc:
Mannie...... I would have been so out of luck today wearing pink and blue...... lucky i'm still recooping at home. I dont even think i have ANYTHING pink in my cupboard..... I m a black/purple kind of gal.
Ohhh I had a tear when i read that your DH suggested you say a little pray tonight... HUGE hugs to you both:hug:
and :leap: for ovulation .... come on little dudes...:sperm:.....swim.....:egg:......swim..... :fertilise:
Hello ladies,
well after lurking for some time and having some of my questions answered in the forum (thankyou!) I have come to join you. I figure that today as awareness day is a good time to 'come out' a little and talk to you all. Its not 7pm in Perth yet but I will be lighting my candle this evening.
I really admire all the strength that you all show. I had my mc in July (@ just over 6wks) and while DH and I are TTC again (now cycle 4) I am still surprised by my grief sometimes. It seems to sneak up on me at unexpected times. I have realized I am tracking what could have happened in my mind- ...well now I would have been 12 weeks.. we would be telling people... now I would have starting getting a tummy... etc.
Anyway, sending you all lots of :grouphug::bluedust::pink-babydust:
I will be around quietly, if you know what I mean. I'm not sure how to add a cycle 'ticker' but I'm at D4 (AF arrived way early this month D24?!?!?) and I'm resisting temping as I think I'm obsessing a little too much at the moment but I will be following all your stories (lots of :goodluck: to you all) and will try not to bore you all with mine too much.
Here's hoping for :bfp: for us all,
Indy
Indy.... welcome... but as I always say.... wish you werent here :hug:
Today is a fabulous day to come join us..... Sorry obviously for your loss but if you ve been lurking for a while you will know that its One Day At A Time.
Now as for the tickers there are a few ways of getting them. FIrstly if you look right up the top of the page where there are pink tabs... third from the left it says Pregnancy Tools. That has a range of tickers there for expected dates..... For TTC you can go to fertility friend and there are some others as well.......
Also if you want to personalize your signature when you have done your ticker... if you look at the left hand side of the page.... near the top bt not at the top..... you will see in purple "user profile" you can go through there to update your profile.
While your here... dont be afraid of anything you say not being understood... you would be surprised.
Sometimes things happen and you just sit there and say yeah.....
At 7pm...... here in Brisbane... the heavens opened up like they havent in years. The lighting and thunder is enough to send shivers through you and all I could do is sit here and go yep.... heavens crying and my candels are lit
How Beautiful!!!!
I'm sat here reading that crying!
God is watching over all of us xx
Welcome Indy :)
I lit my candles at 7pm, I hid in the bedroom to hide my tears and cried for myself which is something I rarely admit to doing.
I received the phone call at 7:45pm tonight while my candles were burning strong. Riley Jason was born still at 7:15pm:angel:. 27 weeks and 2 days worth of love and hope. I am praying so hard for his mummy and daddy and I hope like us they will be able to one day ttc again.
My love to you all tonight. :grouphug:I am now off to do my groceries and I think another hpt is going to find it's way into my trolley.
Change of plans DH has now gone shopping and i am in CHAT if anyone wants to come
I love, miss and think of you my angels everyday, mummy will see you soon, until then keep flying free :angel::angel: xxxx
Angel Your light is on. Just seeing if you wana chat. Molly is in.
I too wish to use this very important day to pass on my heartfelt gratitude for the love, support and unending kindness I have received from the ladies here. I have said it before and will say it again - I could not have begun to heal without this place to come to. Thank you :grouphug:
My darling baby girls - Mummy loves you so very very much. I think of you every day and feel you near me always...
Already feeling quite emotional (it's my first angels due date this Fri) but wow - am sitting here actually sobbing! The tears won't stop rolling down my cheeks. I think I have kept this locked away for a little while now - feels very healing to grieve properly and physically again. There is a definite 'power' in the air today - feels very tangible.
The poem titled 'Do you remember' is amazing and I can't stop reading it - thank you for bringing those back....
Take care wonderful women
xx
P.S. Today's hcg's were on track and I guess doubling nicely - don't have an actual number, but am just going with it and trusting Dr A.
Hi Ladies,
Hope everyone is doing ok on a particulary difficult day. The support on this forum is just amazing. I am so glad I have joined and only wish I had done it earlier. For the last 12 months I have felt like what I am feeling is not normal and I shouldn't still be so upset and obsessed with falling pregnant. Now I know that everyone here had gone through the same roller coaster of emotions that I have. As sad as I am that any of you have to be here, it is also a relief to know I am not alone.
I could never have imagined there would be so many wonderful, caring people out there, I'm just sad that such lovely people are going through such a difficult journey!
Been trying to keep it together today as DH is away for work and won't be back until tomorrow and I don't want to start crying and get myself all upset while I am alone. Too late, I have read some of the poems. They are so beautiful and so true. I think I needed to have a bit of a cry, I have been trying to be too strong lately.
Apologies for the negative post, I am just home alone feeling sorry for myself.
Sending a big :hug: to you all.
Welcome to Belly Belly Indy - I am only sorry that you find yourself in this thread... May your stay be short my love... As you are new have a read through the Belly Belly Guidelines - you will find them HERE. To make a ticker - scroll to the top of this page and click on the pink "ticker" tab - you will find directions there. Or if you hover your curser over someone elses ticker you will see who it is made by and can go to that website. Goodluck on your journey...
Mummyof3boys: Big hugs :hug: it is hard being the one at home taking that call also - be gentle with yourself... Fly safely little Riley... :hug:
Mel1979...... absolute no need what so ever to appologise.....sometimes the best thing is a good old cry..... and the best ones are the "ugly cries"..... they are the ones where you make noises.... snort... and do all sorts of things.... they are the ones where you re better of with DH not being there.... they are called ugly cries for a reason.... you look very ugly when you do them..... body fluids and allsorts...... BUT... when your done... your bodyfeels like you have just released mountains of pressure.
So go ahead... have a damn good cry....
Hi Ladies
Sitting here and cant stop the tears. The poems and things you have written are so lovely and are exactly how i feel.
Indy- Welcome, So sorry for your loss,glad you found us the ladies on here really do understand and they have been a huge help to me.
mumof 3 boys- It must have been so hard to take that call big :hug:
Mel1979- Angel is right no need to appologise here we all understand.
Big :grouphug: for everyone today.
AF finally showed up today 11 days late.
I will be lighting my candle at 7pm along with my sister and mum who have both had losses themselves.
LOVE TO MY :angel::angel: